[kimmydawn]

I do that so much with "buried stuff". i can "see" the scene, even know the thoughts, but i can connect emotion or feeling with it.

does anyone ever do the same? is that a self protection that keeps me safe? well, it's time to stop! i NEED to connect and feel in order to heal. i don't know how to achieve that.

thanks for listening,

kd

[JustBen]

Yeah, I do that with some things. Talking about that with my therapist was really useful -- he used a lot of imgery techniqes that helped me really "be there" again.

[kimmydawn]

Thanks, Ben. I have ALOT of imagery right now...lol. I'm trying to "sit with" what I see until I see t again. I know the feeling/emotion is just past the scene.

Thanks. I need to give t permission to push me right now.

kd

[CedarS]

I still remember a therapist giving me feedback that what I was telling her was traumatic, but my expression was flat and I did not display any emotion or feeling. This was all news to me.

The more I progressed in therapy and the more I read up on PTSD, the more I understood. I think it is a survival strategy we learn.

Good therapy, time, and my persistence made all the difference. My guess is that we each have a natural rhythm for our healing, at times we may speed ahead in understanding, dive deep in revelations, at other times we need to coast.

Good luck on your journey,
Sarah

[__zh]

are you sure it is T you need to give permission to?

perhaps you need to give yourself/ves permission to continue on with this work despite any fears or hesitation?

just a guess. Sarah is correct that we work at the speed we do.........no faster no slower.

one thing that comes to mind with having a limited time left with your T is that could be influencing your perspective on pacing within the therapeutic relationship............just a possibility. we could be waaaaaay off too! Accurate or not our sense is that "stuff must get done" before time with T is up. Sort of a plow through at all costs type of mentality in order to maximize allotted time left. Could you see how someone might think that about your situation? apologies if we're off base.

take care and fall back on the safe coping skills you've built up over the years to get through this next rough patch.

((kd))

[kimmydawn]

sarah, zh..thank you both so much. there's much truth to your words...

the time is NOW. there's nothing else stopping it but what zh said...me/us. i need to give t and i both permission i think, based on past discussion. t is just patiently waiting, i think.

zh, you're not off base at all. i do feel a sense of urgency. however, that's not the leading factor. there is no longer anything in the way of "going there". my world is safe, the ppl in it are safe, it's past time.

i've made a promise to self. we'll see what happens.

thank you both.

kd

[__zh]

(((kd))))

you go grrrrl!

we know both you and T are up to this task. we know you two work well together. we have faith that you can face these things.

only thing we ask is that you charge ahead gently you will accomplish what you need to with this T in the timeframe you have left.

just in the year you've been here your path has shown tremendous growth and new understanding of your lighthouse and its foundation.

start polishing that glass sweetie to let yer light shine even more!!

Yea Kimmydawn I do that alot.

When you are experiencing this you are in co consciousness. being in the here and now but yet seeing what the memory peices contain. It's ok. Its supposed to happen.

Basically something in the present triggered the memory and instead of mentally leaving totally you stopped to see what you were running from.

Now to make it stop think about what upset you in your present life. that something most likely has something to do with the memoy you are having. It can be something little or something big as you think of things see if you can match it with the images you are seeing. when one matches thats the trigger then you think about something calming that matches that trigger. when the images slow down and you start feeling again you found the key to the trigger.

write down the key, the trigger, the present day situation that contained the trigger, and the images you were seeing smelling and so on. so that when it happens again all you have to do is read the list and match.

Take a breath you are healing this is the healing process for DID.

[shadowdancer]

unfortunately, i do it all the time. and often my emotions are so far removed that i don't even know where to start to connect them up again. (((((((((kd)))))))))) makes you wonder why healing has to be such hard work, doesn't it?

i hope you can talk to your T some and figure out some ways to help you reconnect... take care and stay safe.


shadow

[serafim_etal]

<font color="black"> That happens with our host most of the time. Just in the last 6 months it changed. Make sure you are very, very prepared for what having the feelings along with the scene entails. Our host was not prepared, and this wasn't planned. We really aren't quite sure how it happened. But suddenly she went from dreams showing her a specific scene, to nightmares with all the sounds, smells, sensations and accompanying feelings. She alternates between watching the scene and somehow feeling everything and to being in the scene. She has had a tremendously hard time dealing with this (our T is wonderful though, that helps). Things are very slowly getting better though. I do think in the long run it will be a good thing that this has happened, but while in the middle of it...it is very hard to remember that.

Warrier </font>

[kimmydawn]

((((((((zh))))))))) what kind, supportive words. i thank you for them.

you brought about a good point...charge ahead gently. what i see is ALOT. i'm safely not feeling though, as the realization of what i now know is settling, i think. it makes me feel robotic. it's an unpleasant feeling to know something so incredibly sad, then to feel nothing.

thank you so much for the encouragement. i am blessed with a wonderful t who i really have learned to trust completely.

be safe, friend.

kd

[kimmydawn]

thank you ((((((((((myself)))))))))))

i don't think that i need for this to stop, although it may feel like i want it to right now. i'm gaining very necessary information the is leading to understanding. it's difficult, but i feel the time is now.

thank you so much for you informative response.

kd

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((shadow)))))))))))))))))))))

thank you so much. i feel so badly to know that i lack essential emotion for myself. i care so much for others and can't have much emotion for my own. it will come, or so i've been told

thank you so much,

[kimmydawn]

TY for the response, warrior.

that is my fear...not being prepared. i think possibly this is why i'm seeing and not feeling? preparing in a sense?

thank you so much for sharing. this is going to be difficult, i know. i will remember that i've already lived it...somehow.

thank you again,

kd

[JustBen]

It's kind of weird the way our minds work, isn't it? It hides things from us to protect us, but even when we're "ready" to deal, the mind just keeps trying to bury them. It's sort of like a parent that way...it was totally appropriate for a parent to protect their children from certain things when they're very young, but if they keep up that level of protection as the child gets older, they actually can do a great deal of harm.

[kimmydawn]

Yes, Ben! That so applies to now. I also think that my mind, from a young age, developed certain "presets". These presets would automatically direct information/feeling away from my awareness, to be held inside. What I'm doing now is trying to disengage and learn about those presets which are no longer useful to me and my healing.

Thank you for understanding!

KD