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Old Feb 24, 2011, 02:36 PM
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Irine Irine is offline
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hi everyone.

I know this could go to the sexual/gender issues forums - but i am asking here because parts have been demanding lately.

NO GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS here - i just wanted to say that...well...
They claim to use things that i would NEVER and things that i would consider only perverts would do. I am afraid of addiction but they say that since i suppress it THEY have it...and yeah..well ...there seem to be too much of that in me - or me+all of us.

I may go out of therapy soon and anyways its not VERY helping...just little...not for ALL of it by far. We are doing P.E now for PTSD so anyways i am do not feel like bothering therapist with this. I know you folks will not solve it for me here - i ma just wondering how do you cope with alters` different....hmm..DESIRES... if you have. I know it may come from CSA and later SA that according to alters and flash backs - if one would believe - lasted many years...

But how do you deal with is? On one hand stay authentic..

Well i am just quite bothered and i don`t want to be addicted although so many parts seems like they are.

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  #2  
Old Feb 24, 2011, 06:30 PM
hobbittmom hobbittmom is offline
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Don't give in. They may seem like protectors but in fact they're not. They're addicted sex and it sounds like you're not. Do the sensory cart when you need it. Give your five senses what they need and do opposites when you get something bad. Go ahead and have sex and put your alters in a room where they don't get any. You can always bring them back out when you need to.
  #3  
Old Feb 24, 2011, 08:47 PM
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amandalouise amandalouise is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen View Post
hi everyone.

I know this could go to the sexual/gender issues forums - but i am asking here because parts have been demanding lately.

NO GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS here - i just wanted to say that...well...
They claim to use things that i would NEVER and things that i would consider only perverts would do. I am afraid of addiction but they say that since i suppress it THEY have it...and yeah..well ...there seem to be too much of that in me - or me+all of us.

I may go out of therapy soon and anyways its not VERY helping...just little...not for ALL of it by far. We are doing P.E now for PTSD so anyways i am do not feel like bothering therapist with this. I know you folks will not solve it for me here - i ma just wondering how do you cope with alters` different....hmm..DESIRES... if you have. I know it may come from CSA and later SA that according to alters and flash backs - if one would believe - lasted many years...

But how do you deal with is? On one hand stay authentic..

Well i am just quite bothered and i don`t want to be addicted although so many parts seems like they are.
how about taking a sex education class or sessions with a therapist. thats what my partner and I did when we encountered this problem. through therapy and classes I learned I wasnt alone in having alters that were so drastically different than I was including in areas of sex and sex topics. I learned how to be loving and caring to myself and that filtered down to those all within. we started real easy with touches ... that were non triggering and as things became more comfortable expanded our horizons by experimenting, stopping when uncomfortable and experimenting some more. At first I was afraid of becoming an addict but my therapists explained to me I would not become addicted. Sex is a normal part of life. unfortunately for some of us it was used in the wrong way by those that abused us. so it became taboo and something to be afraid of.

now Im fully integrated with all my alters including those that enjoyed acting out things that were done to us and considered taboo to us. none of us became addicted. we just became healthier.

suggestion take it slow and easy. when something bothers you stop. and seek out those therapists that can teach you how to have a healthy sex life, so that those that need a bit of edge added can also have their needs met but in a healthy way.

planned parenthood is a great place to start, all their therapists around here are well versed in the needs of survivors and sex.

Thanks for this!
anderson, Crew, Irine
  #4  
Old Mar 06, 2011, 08:32 PM
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Gr3tta Gr3tta is offline
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It can be difficult dealing with everyone's desires, or lack of desires for others, but what was important for us was to get everyone to agree to only do things that consider the body's personal safety. It's hard work to get everyone on the same page for this, but it's what had to be the focus for us. ~Emma
Thanks for this!
Crew, Irine
  #5  
Old Mar 09, 2011, 02:33 PM
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Irine Irine is offline
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Thank you emma! you are right
You know the point is that if i do not do thins consciously- they take the body at night and do it when i am unconscious.

You are so right. love ya
  #6  
Old Mar 09, 2011, 02:52 PM
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Crew Crew is offline
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I know for us, we had a few parts have the problems you were stating. For us, if that part was going out then it was that part that dealt with the therapist.
We have to remember that these parts saved our life yet can be extremely hard to deal with when healing. I know we had parts that would stay up and make sure these parts didn't leave.
Maybe start writing to your system, telling your system maybe that your in healing now and that there is places to go and get help. Working on being co-conscious is a huge thing which for me meant going over and over and over and over it staying safe until your aware of each other.

Hey good luck.......
you'll be in my thoughts ((((ladymacabethadmunsen)))))))

Great ? by the way
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later
Thanks for this!
anderson, Gr3tta, Irine
  #7  
Old Mar 14, 2011, 12:32 PM
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anderson anderson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crew View Post
I know for us, we had a few parts have the problems you were stating. For us, if that part was going out then it was that part that dealt with the therapist.
We have to remember that these parts saved our life yet can be extremely hard to deal with when healing. I know we had parts that would stay up and make sure these parts didn't leave.
Maybe start writing to your system, telling your system maybe that your in healing now and that there is places to
go and get help. Working on being co-conscious is a huge thing which for me meant going over and over and over and over it staying safe until your aware of each other.

Hey good luck.......
you'll be in my thoughts ((((ladymacabethadmunsen)))))))

Great ? by the way

Just wanted to second what crew said. The parts that are doing it need to learn to work with the whole. Can you ask your partner to set up a safe word so that the person can learn to tell which one is out.
Just because the body does it , it does not mean that everyone likes it. It was not until we became co- con that alot of old behaviors stoped as healing took place. and remember there was a time that they endured things that you were not able to. This is the part that help saved us during the abuse but can be quite frusterating when they no longer need to pprovide that protection and need to learn a different life style.
from all of us to all of you
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Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson
Thanks for this!
Irine
  #8  
Old Mar 14, 2011, 12:53 PM
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Irine Irine is offline
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Location: Israel
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anderson - thanks for the post - well - i don`t have a partner right now...
  #9  
Old Mar 20, 2011, 09:16 AM
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Omers Omers is offline
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I had a part that was still little but pretended to be big and reenacted all her abuse with someone who knew we had parts and should have been more respectful.

Be gentle with yourself. You will find a comfortable balance. My part found that when she tried things and really paid attention to the experience she didn't really like them.
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that has landed me here
Tired, broken and wearing rags
Wild eyed with fear
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Thanks for this!
Irine
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