[Overcastbutclearing]

I have revealed that I have started speaking to my T about the few different parts w/in me.
But, there is one that is up to no good. One that wants to sabotage all that goes well for me. It wants me out of the picture.
This part makes me want to take an icepick and gauge it out of my head. This is the part that makes everything seem dark and hopeless.
And, when this part is overbearing w/ voices and thoughts in my mind it is hard to think about anything good or positive.
It is this part, Monster, that wants to destroy the Little girl and me.
I hate these parts...all of them. Even the little girl.
I hate that I am so disconnected.
I hate it!

when I was experiencing my memory pieces named Margo and others where I was programmed not to tell and do everything possible to prevent the things my therapist at that time was trying to help me with she used triggers to get me into those memories and then talked to me while in those memories and showed me while I was in those memories how things are different now compared to when those memories were stored. It took a long time but eventually with my therapist was able to obtain understanding and promises of not acting on certain programmed behaviors from me while experiencing those memories while she had me in those memories. This came about after I had thrown a table at my therapist during a session while in the margo memories. For a while I was afraid to talk at all to my therapist or anyone because I was afraid it would happen again but after my therapist and I worked the triggers so that she could talk to me while in those memories I dont throw tables now while in memory pieces. I don't know the exact process to do this. its one of those things that professionals in the field don't tell the clients because they want them to gain control and consciously remember their memories, not add to their unconscious memorys. your therapist will know what the process is and how to do it.

[kerria]

i'm sorry that it's so hard. It's really difficult , impossible feels more accurate, for me to accept two of my parts. i can relate so much.
So far i haven't found any professionals to help me. i hope that you have a good T that you trust. It's so hard.
My T is always saying how important communication with parts is but there's never been any help with getting communication going. It's something i've have to struggle alone with. i stay as far out of the way of these parts as i can. i'm sorry that there are parts that you're not able to and don't want to accept. It's not your fault- go gentle with yourselves and never force issues like this. i've found that even my T didn't know what was best. i hope that your T can help and that you never reach a time when you can't cope.
Take care.
peace,
kerria

[Overcastbutclearing]

T session last night was completely draining and horrible.
Little Girl just has to get the attention.
She is stupid. She needs to go away. I hate her!
She gets in the way all the time.
And because she gets in the way no one came looking for her when HE was abusing her.
They were so glad she wasn't bothering anyone they could have cared less where she was.

I hate her!!!!