Advice on parts

I do not have DID/MPD, but I am out to sea on what is happening with me lately. I have a few child ego states I know of that are borne of trauma, and have worked some in therapy to heal them. Recently, I have had a new, rather strong adult ego state emerge and am having trouble managing that. It seemed like I was able to communicate with him well but it got to be too much and I sent him away. Having some space has helped. How do I communicate with him now that he is not here? How do I find him? Do I just say, "hey, where are you? can we talk again?" I don't know how to communicate with this part, draw him back, initiate contact. I don't understand anything. Where is he? I need him.

Any advice is appreciated.

Also, if anyone has any books or websites they can recommend on how to communicate with your parts, that would be really helpful. Maybe somewhere there is a list of techniques I can try?

Still hoping someone has some advice on how to contact and communicate with my parts....

Or any book recommendations....

i read The DID Sourcebook

have you tried journaling with him? you could ask him, but if it is too trying and you send him away again, he may grow angry with you.

i have a part (or ego state - still not seeing a lot of difference there) that cuts - and when that part gets out of control i get mad and we get into it. I can't seem to have peaceful relations with that part. =(
good luck.
kiya

Thank you, Kiya. I will check out the DID Sourcebook.

Journaling sounds promising. I remember before I knew of this ego state's existence, I was writing a letter (having to do with something he felt strongly about) and my hands would type something I did not feel or believe at all. These statements were quite radical and would just come out on the paper and they kind of freaked me (this was before I knew about him). I know now it was this ego state doing the writing. So if this worked once, it could work again. If he comes out again, I will not send him away. I feel bad that I did that before.

I'm not sure of the right nomenclature to use so sorry if I am being confusing. I think of the word "alter" as one used by people with true DID/MPD, which I do not have. Everyone has ego states. (I use the word "part" interchangeably with "ego state," but perhaps that is not correct.) In DID, the ego states become more differentiated than in those without DID. Many people without DID are unaware of their ego states or may have very poorly differentiated ego states. I know I have at least 3 girls of different ages (they are all me at earlier ages, not novel children with their own names) and now this adult male. Plus there is me, the "executive" or "self" or whatever you call it. I think in DID the alters can become the ones in control and they switch with the self. During this time the self or main personality loses memory of this time. (I'm sorry if that is not right--I am learning.) With ego states, the self always retains control. There is no switching, no lost time (unless I dissociate, which happens rarely). My ego states do not speak directly for themselves, only through me. I can ask them questions and report what they say. Sometimes we share consciousness, like two or more people occupying the body at the same time, but the self is the one running the show. I am sure that is a rambling, imprecise explanation--I am not an expert on this.

I am posting my questions here in the DID forum, but maybe it is not ideal since I don't have DID. But I thought people here might know more about ego states than I do, since they are on the continuum to DID.

Here is an explanation I found on the web:
"There is increasing evidence that the dividing of the personality lies on a continuum, ranging from normal adaptive differentiation at one end to a pathological maladaptive dissocation at the other, where the true multiple personality disorder occur. The in between region on the continuum consists of "ego-states,"--covert patterns of behavior and experience, often accessible only under hypnosis."

I seem to be able, at least sometimes, to access my ego states without hypnosis, so I am not sure that is a critical part of the definition. (I have never had hypnosis.) Ego state therapy is kind of like doing family therapy with one's parts. The goal is not integration but harmonious co-existence--helping all the ego states get along with and support each other, work toward common goals, not be destructive, etc.

Sunrise,

You have used hypnosis everyday of your life. I'm sure you have read the basic description of hypnosis when we had that thread running hot.

I am certified in Parts Therapy. With Parts Therapy the goal is insight and knowledge from each part involved, and integration of all parts.

I don't know if this is what you were looking for or not.

Hope this helps,
Rick

This is still real hard for me. Mostly it's out of my control. Sometimes if I want to help a certain part and I know something they like to do or I know something to do which they'd usually be around for, I could do that thing and try to look around inside for them. If say the adult part you talk about comes around when you're at work, you could leave a note at work asking it what you want to know. Or you could try to spend some time with it during your lunch break or something. Or if it comes out during a certain feeling, you could try to recreate that feeling. I find I can't usually do this sort of stuff until I know the part pretty well and we have a connection. Usually I don't have any control over who's around.

sunrise, i think your questions are in the perfect forum.
really, from what i have researched and my own experiences, i wonder if ego states and alters are one and the same thing. the book i mentioned uses those terms interchangabley also.
Yes, DID is a continuum. There are lots of words, lots of theories... and arguments on whether it is a mental illness or more likely a creative way of coping with trauma.
kiya

Sunrise, when I try to access my parts I realize that sometimes I am trying to hard. You have to reach a state of the mind that is also letting go. Try to empty your mind. Tell a story or fantasy sometimes works for me. Just make a list of to do for your life sometimes works. It is occupying it on another level yet allowing that other part go. Does this make sense. Looking inside at the point where the third eye is like in yoga helps too. This is also weird but for me, if I take a 1/4 of benedryl to help my anxiety levels or xanax then I usually can tap into them better too. Now I am DID and I have learned to reach a few. I know I have more but I am not ready for all of them just yet. I am trying to control the few I have that come forward and their behaviors are not my behaviors. I still though lose time. And I am trying to learn to control that. I am having some success.

Good luck.

Some people I know call theirs ikids. But I know some DID's that use that term too. I think it is important for each to use a term you are comfortable with, I haven't not really found one yet. One referred to everyone collective an my inner family and that I found comforting to imply a working team. I hope we are a working team. Some days I am not sure though.

Again, I hope my suggestions help.

fragmented

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Rick61701 said:
I am certified in Parts Therapy. With Parts Therapy the goal is insight and knowledge from each part involved, and integration of all parts.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Rick, do you do Parts Therapy while the client is hypnotized or just in a normal state? What is Parts Therapy? I would be scared of any therapy where the goal is integration as that makes it sound like the goal is to get rid of the ego states, make them into "one" person. I don't want to kill them. They are good, especially my male. I think since his role is diminishing, he just needs to feel he can do something else. My therapist told me the ego states whose roles are no long needed can be given other things to do so they are still useful and can help the dominant personality. He said, in ego state therapy, they are helped to "morph."

You said I have used hypnosis every day of my life. I am not aware of that. Can I use it to help me be in touch with my ego states? How? I have thought of hypnosis as something useful for dealing with pain, weight loss, addiction, etc., but never thought about it before in the context of aiding in talking to one's parts. Is there a book or something that tells a person how to hypnotize themselves and then contact their ego states? I feel like I need an instruction manual for this.

I did go back and review the long hypnotherapy thread from a while back but didn't find answers.... (but that was a great thread!)

dinosaurs, thank you for your suggestions on making contact. I am adding them to my "list."

fragmented, I found your comments helpful also, especially about the "state of mind."

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when I try to access my parts I realize that sometimes I am trying to hard

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think there is some of that for me, and it has made me not even want to try. He was just "here" before. I didn't have to try to contact him. What if I try, and I can't? That scares me. Like what if I drove him away for good? I couldn't handle that. I am going to ask my therapist for advice on the contact question.

I like the term "inner family" too. It's so inclusive and I think does imply a common goal. I have also seen "internal family system" and respond positively to this also.

sunrise...

In my opinion... ego states... and alters are not "killed"... when integration happens.... they...continue on.... within the resulting "whole"... I have experienced... intergration of some alters.. and the within the process... the esscence of the alter is still.... within the whole...

The whole.. then has the same skills... though intermixed with the skill set of the other alters that have merged.....

Sunrise, sorry i am only now answering I was too shaky yesterday very panicky. He is not gone. He will be back. That has happened to me too. I thought the same thing. It would seem to me that sometimes we (inners and yourself) get overwhelmed maybe and some move forward and some retreat, at least my take on it. I am not sure. So he will be back. Not gone. I read your other comment on integration. I think for me I prefer blended. I don't think for me I will be too integrated. I think I will be more blended. In fact, my p-doc doesn't use the word integrated at all. He justs says I will be better. That works better for me. To be better would be huge at this point. This past weekend was so bad. So better, is good.

Yeah "inner family" was actually given to me by someone without DID but a very understanding person. I think in part for me it is because i have always felt distance and alone from my immediate family and sometimes from my DH and children so this makes me feel not so alone.

I think he will be back when you need him to be and he will just be there. When you don't try he will be there. And each time you will understand better how the contact is reached. That is what is happening for me. I am gaining some small knowledge on my flashbacks. Not enough to totally control them but to understand them more. I am not trying to stop them as I want and need to understand exactly the abuse although some of it has been confirmed. But my t said I need to process the flashbacks in order to finally be rid of them. And this I want.

Good luck, let me know what your t says. I think it is always a learning experience to hear what other t say.

fragmented

Sunrise,

Sorry for the delay. I've been very busy.

When I say the goal is integration, I mean that there are times when the different parts are all trying to go in different directions. This is very difficult for the client. My goal is to play mediator between the parts and come to an agreement that is good for all. Therefore getting integration of direction. And yes, this is done in hypnosis. It is a very powerful technique. This technique is best lead by someone. It would be very difficult to do in self hypnosis.

I by no means want to get rid of or hurt any parts. The vast majority of times all of the parts are doing what they feel is best for the person as a whole. But just like having 15 co-pilots all giving different directions to the pilot, things can get very confusing for the pilot. The pilot can even shut down from mental overload or major confusion.

Does this make sense?

Rick

Rick...

That is what my T is currently doing.. with me... getting my alters to move in one direction... and it does work... my alters are still here...
(am an alter myself).... but instead of going in like you said 15 different directions... I am trying to go in one direction... it is less chaotic.. for me... the "whole" person..

And my T... is the mediator... the one that communicates between the alters... to reach agreements... and priorities...

My therapist and I do not use hypnosis... but then I have had a years of therapy... and have more control than I used to have over the switching process...

I have never experienced this "kind of therapy"....before... it is effective..

Sorry sunrise... if I highjacked your thread.. (((hugs)))....

Thanks for the response, Rick.

I was confused about what you wrote earlier about hypnosis:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
You have used hypnosis everyday of your life.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I thought you were suggesting I could use hypnosis to access my parts on my own because you said I used hypnosis every day of my life. (I didn't realize I did this?) But now you have posted that it is difficult to do this with self-hypnosis? I guess I misunderstood your original statement. I guess if it is better to not do the hypnosis on oneself, I need some other techniques to facilitate communication with my parts.

Thanks for explaining about the integration. I agree the goal should be coordination (integration) of purpose and function of all the parts. I told my male ego state, who was worried his role was diminishing, that I had tons of other stuff he could do to be helpful and essential. I floated a couple of ideas by him and he rejected them. But I have more ideas. But haven't talked with him for a while.

sunrise,

As I posted in the Hypnotherapy post a few months ago, everyone uses hypnosis every day.

The most basic description of hypnosis is:

The ability to achieve a single thought, whereby excluding all others.

This is hypnosis. So when you read, drive, watch tv or a movie, daydream, or zoneout you are in hypnosis. I'm sure you use hypnosis everyday.

The difference between what you do everyday and what happens in the Hypnotherapists office is the depth of hypnosis. To have access and effective communication with your parts you need to be at a greater depth then just zoning out. You can be taught to do self-hypnosis in a effective way, and achieve the depth needed to communication with your ego states. The ability to communicate with your ego states during self hypnosis may work for some and not others. Like I said in the other thread, it would be sooo much easier with the Hypnotherapist as a guild.

Rick

I think there are ways to use self hypnosis also, to allow your parts to communicate with you. Check out a book from the library on self hypnosis, and see if you agree.

Journaling is a good way to allow parts to speak out. Drawing, coloring, making crafts such as collages or working in clay are also some ways ppl use to allow expression by their "others." Almost any of the arts can be used, if it suits you. Other activities can also help relieve tension and anger. (Sports come to mind.)

and by the way people this is the DD Forum, not the DID Forum,

it is for all Dissociative Disorders, not only for DID.

Best wishes, all.

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Rick61701 said:

The most basic description of hypnosis is:

The ability to achieve a single thought, whereby excluding all others.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

People have a single thought?!? No, i'm serious!! I... i don't. i don't think ever. my mind constantly has all sorts of thought layers while another compartment is playing "Kiya Brain Radio" all hours of the day (currently is "To every season turn turn turn...")... there are conversations going on... always. when driving... when reading. Sometimes i have to put the book down because i can't hear the part reading it "aloud" internally!! Maybe this is why meditation and I don't get along...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rick61701 said:
You can be taught to do self-hypnosis in a effective way, and achieve the depth needed to communication with your ego states. The ability to communicate with your ego states during self hypnosis may work for some and not others. Like I said in the other thread, it would be sooo much easier with the Hypnotherapist as a guild.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I like the idea of learning to do it myself, but it sounds like it would be best to try it first with a hypnotherapist. Rick, is it common for potential clients to call you up and say I would like a few sessions in order to communicate with my ego states? Or would that be just too weird? Would that be a service all hypnotherapists offer, or is it rare? I just googled hypnotherapists in my town and got someone's website who lists a slew of "problems" that she can address with hypnotherapy such as habit control, weight loss, stuttering, smoking cessation, managing pain, improving performance, eliminating fears, etc. But nothing remotely close to communicating with ego states. ???

Hi Kiya

Your post interested us very much, especially the bit about "Kiyas Brain Radio" We have a part we call The Singer who sounds like she might be similar. She sings all the time, but in the voices of other singers. Like atm, she is doing Neil Diamond & The Band singing Dry Your Eyes. She does that all the time. We can always hear her no matter what else we are thinking or doing, or which other alter is in.

The relevance of this, to the thread as a whole, is that despite the fact that, like you Kiya, there are always conversations & arguments going on inside, we have a had a great deal of success with self-hypnosis as a method of both relaxation & pain control. imho opinion, the "hold a single thought" theory of hypnosis is much over-rated and equally good results can be obtained with a "go with the flow" approach. We aren't trying to start an argument here, just saying don't give up on it Kiya, nor on meditation either.
There are many methods available to you & some of them are more suitable than others for DIDers

Hi Zorah, yes they do sound similar (my Brain Radio and your Singer). Currently playing is "My Old Kentucky Home" that we are doing in choir - so this time, it is in my voice, rather than the voices of other singers =)

I think i am close to being able to do hypnotherapy... but I think t thinks i'm not yet stable enough. She hasn't said this, but my feeling is (since she is a hypnotherapist and hasn't suggested it) that we have to wait until i have a strong enough core so that I won't stay in maladaptive states and seriously harm self after a session.

It does intrigue me. Kiya

I personally don't think it's a good idea to figure on going for a few sessions of hypnotherapy just to contact or discover ego states or alters or any type of that... unless of course you are quite stable, and maybe have just one or two issues left to work through.

A person uses dissociation for a good reason. Generally it's because they aren't able to face something. Dragging it out ahead of it's time could cause you more issues, and put you backwards in therapy.

With self hypnosis, you will not allow yourself to uncover or drag out any information you know you aren't ready for... that's the cool part about it.

Remember, as I revert to the older definitions, there is a big difference between someone who uses hypnosis as a hypnotist, and someone who uses it with psychotherapy.



Stay safe.

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_Sky said:
With self hypnosis, you will not allow yourself to uncover or drag out any information you know you aren't ready for... that's the cool part about it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I feel confused, as Rick, a hypnotherapist, recommended using a hypnotherapist to do this and not doing self-hypnosis (which I would be open to learning). I really just want to have more contact with my male protector ego state (not necessarily my younger self ego states which were borne of trauma--this is a matter for my therapist to help me with). Before, I was not dissociated when this happened and I don't feel it is necessary to dissociate to access him, is it? I think having greater contact with my male ego state would be really helpful. I don't want to "drag out" information from him, just talk with him and learn to work better as a team. He's strong and part of me, I want to make use of him as a resource! I'm just not sure how to contact him again. I thought maybe hypnosis, since it was suggested as one technique, but maybe not. I'm confused. When my own T and I return to ego states (we're working on something else right now), I'll ask him for his recommendation.

sunrise,

If you contact NGH at www.ngh.net and ask them for the Hypnotherapists in your area, this would be a wonderful start. Ask them specifically for someone trained in "Parts Therapy". These people will have the training you are looking for.

Everyone concentrates on a single thought through out the day. They call it day dreaming, zoning out, watching tv, reading a book, driving. As well as meditation is hypnosis, guided imagery is hypnosis, and the mental side of yoga is hypnosis. Pretty much everyone uses hypnosis EVERYDAY.