[Twisted_Soul]

Had a few good days going for me.
This morning though my thoughts are everywhere.
The Monster that lives inside of me is really pulling out all the stops this time.
Has me thinking that the good thoughts, the calming thoughts, the things I am doing to stay connected is all a deception to really bring me down.
I am angry, scared, and mostly feeling confused.
I hate the Monster. He bullies the Little and then upsets me because I feel helpless in protecting her.
God, I hate this!

[SongBirdandDaisy]

twisted soul,

I'm sooooo sorry! My monster came out last night and is still here so I can't take yours away because I'm still running from mine. But I hear you and wish I could help. Sorry

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((soul)))))))))))))
(((((((((((anne)))))))))))))

[Lexicon78]

I know this is so terribly hard for you to go through.

Please try to fight this monster! I know it is very hard to do, but as long as you are fighting against it, it cannot overtake you and destroy you!

[jabe]

This might sound weird and I sure find it hard to do, but maybe embrace the monster and show it love. I fight my monsters and they get stronger cos they fight back. I am trying to learn how to love them, maybe they wont be so big then. I don't really know is just a thought. <font color="purple"> </font>

[Twisted_Soul]

Very interesting concept Jabe.
Can you tell me how you have embraced your Monster?

[jabe]

I hate my monsters, I want to not hate them cos I think they get bigger every time i fight with them. To embrace them is not easy when you have a life time of not doing so. I figure that accepting them as part of me, as they are. I need to learn that all my parts are a part of me, and why should i love one of them less just because they are angry or monsters. I really struggle with trying to accept them and accept they are part of who we are. We are trying to find ways for them to be around without being so distructive. I give others inside time, time to play, time to work, time to have fun, time to do whatever they need to do. Is time we tried to give time for them too, but... I have to say... they get time, but I make the rules. Doesn't always work out for me or us, but we are trying all the same. Don't know if this answers what you were asking, it is just what we are trying to work on just now.

Take care
Jabe

[Twisted_Soul]

I am glad you responded.
Yeah, I see what you mean about the Monster being a part of me too and perhaps if there were different ways to cope/deal and they were by my rules things may go better in my head.
I will have to think on this whole idea though.
Thanks again.

[jabe]

((((((((((twisted soul)))))))))))

Be kind to yourself on your journey and keep safe.

[hillbunnyb]

Hi. Once, my first acupuncturist told me,"When you feel like you are going to explode, expand around it." I had no idea what she was talking about for two years........ For me, it had to do with learning to breath. I was always holding my breath and being stiff and guarded (in my body and head) while "doing life".
Programming positive thoughts-visualizations and breathing into myself during the moments of clear thought soon led to me being more and more able to shut off the bad stuff sooner and sooner. I don't know if it ever goes away away.

[Malady156]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Twisted_Soul said:
The Monster that lives inside of me is really pulling out all the stops this time.
Has me thinking that the good thoughts, the calming thoughts, the things I am doing to stay connected is all a deception to really bring me down.
I am angry, scared, and mostly feeling confused.
I hate the Monster. ... God, I hate this!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hi Twisted_Soul.

Your Monster sounds a LOT like mine. I even call mine "the Monster" too! Mine does the same thing, tries to sabotage any good thoughts or feelings I have, tries to sabotage and undermine me, etc. The worst thing mine does, though, is pretend to be God. I'll actually think I'm talking to God and then suddenly everything shifts and I'm talking to the Monster instead.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone with the Monster, even if yours is yours and mine is mine ...