How long does it take

I have been in therapy for two plus years. Within this period of time I learned I was DID. I am now able to understand that the myriad of thoughts in my head were alters. On many levels I am still coming to terms with it. I have not discussed a specific trauma with my therapist. I told her about getting beaten, neglected and verbally abused from a very young age. I told her about my father molesting me when I was eleven. But there is something that happened to me when I was two or three. I can guess at what it might be but I don't know. My system does not think I am ready. I have asked even begged to be told but all I get is "not yet". My therapist wants me to talk about thing that might have happened when I was three. My system does not. Should I push my system to talk during therapy about what I remember at age three and see if other memories pop up? Am I taking too long to get into the probable reason for my DID? My t thinks we are moving too slow. I am new to therapy and am not even sure what is meant by "too slow". She is a good therapist but sometimes I don't think she understands how I have to just fight my way through my thoughts just to get to therapy much less some
memory I am afraid of recalling. It is all very confusing.

Hi Claritytoo,

You ask some good questions and have some good thoughts about your situation. As a person who is not DID, but has a very dear close friend who is DID, I may be able to help you with a vision from the outside of the box. At least I hope I can and I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds with my response to you.

There are so many factors involved with figuring out who you are, why you are and how to come to terms with your situation and finally working on the trauma that caused you to be DID in the first place. I think, most importantly for you is to take whatever time you need to work on these things. It is not an easy road to hoe. There are many ups and downs along the way. Each step you take is a precurser to the next step that needs to be taken.

Please remember that what I say is strictly taken from the experiences I've had with my friend and things I have read over the years. Each person is different in so many ways yet at the same time, there are often many similarities as well.

You are beginning your journey into an unknown territory. There are a lot of things that will have to be dealt with along the way. Your system (alters) were created to help you survive the abuse you encountered. Because you were abused in such a way, trust and safety are huge things that must be learned. It must be learned by you, your alters, for T and any other close friends or family that are there to help you along your journey.

My friend has come a long way in learning to trust her system and for her system to learn how to trust her. Learning to trust her alters has made it much easier for her to allow them "their" time to talk, to give her memories when she is ready for them, and for them to learn that there is healing to be found.

I'm curious if your T is well versed in DID therapy or even trauma therapy. If not, you may want to ask her/him to do some reading up on those therapies because they will certainly be helpful to the both of you. Sometimes T's will push a bit if they feel you are "stuck" in something. It's not always a bad thing if they push necessarily, but it can "feel" like they are putting time limits on you. I truly hope that your T is not putting time limits on you. I don't feel that would be fair to you or your system as everyone works at different speeds.

I think, one thing that would be very helpful to you is to journal your thoughts and feelings. That would go for you and for your alters. My friend has different journal books for her system so that they can feel safe to say what they need to say. She often will take her writings in to here T to read. You may find that easier to do than to speak out loud.

I just want to say that it sounds like you are on your way to discovering many different things about yourself and the journey will take the time that it needs to get there. Please be easy on yourself and those inside as best you can. They are still trying to protect you as they did when you were a child. That was their job. Down the road you may be able to give them different jobs to do so that you all can progress in life to a more stable and functional place.

I wish you and yours well. Please take good care of yourself(yourselves).

Thank you for your response. My T's focus is trauma therapy and DID so I am lucky with that. I also trust my system. They have been with me for decades and protected me most of the time. There were times when some alters acted out and put me in a bad situation but those were few and far between. Right now my system is telling me to wait. And that feel right. But I am also concerned that my T is right and we should have been discussing my early years by now. But every time my T even brings those years up I become very defensive and shut down. If she persists I get angry. I don't yell or anything I just hold my temper until the subject changes or the session is over. I just don't seem to be able to move past that point. And I am afraid to let myself express myself when I am angry. I can get very angry. This anger is one of the reasons I began therapy and I am still working on co consciousness with my anger. I am afraid I will become angry and not be there. I wish I was more certain about my reaction should we start talking about my eairly years. But thanks again for the response. I will try the journal. I have in the past but never keep up with it. So I will try again.

Hi Claritytoo and saaby,

I want to thank you for your postings. I have DID too. I found out only months ago and now I am trying to work on stuff. But it goes so slowly. Sometimes it doesn't seem like anything is happening and sometimes it seems like I am being pushed back. Sometimes I don't even get it.

Good luck Claritytoo. You can take your time. That's all you can do. If you go too fast it won't be good. I think you are right to trust yourself.

I think Roseheart101 has an excellent thought....trust yourself. From that I believe that listening to your "gut instinct" is very important. It may or may not be easy for you to do. Many times someone has such deep rooted behaviors that it's very difficult to find the gut instinct and to be able to trust it and listen to it. But, it can be done! My friend has learned and it's helped her to make better decisions for herself when she listens to it.

Claritytoo, I'm glad you have a specialized T. She knows you better than anyone else here and maybe she knows that it's time for you to take another path in your healing process. By all means, discuss this with her and ask her what she has in mind. There is no harm in trying and if you find that it's not working well, let her know. It will be difficult, there is no doubt about it. Take your steps as you feel should, but know that it's okay to push a little beyond your comfort zone a little at a time.

I wish you much success in your journey. We're here to listen about the good things and the not so good things when you need to talk.

Here is a blog article that might give you some insight into some of the stuff DID therapy entails: And remember, it takes as long as it takes. Some people shorter, some people longer. You go at the pace YOU need to.

http://discussingdissociation.wordpr...tity-disorder/

I think your suggestion of asking my T what she had in mind is a good idea. I just sent her an email suggesting a possible way of entering into discussing my early years. I also asked that she make a suggestion about how she thinks it would be best to begin the discussion of my early years. I know at some point this discussion needs to happen, I just need to move through my fear and anger and be able to allow myself to talk. The memories will take care of themselves. Thanks

Wow! She had a really long list. And it is true. So much. So much to work on. Thanks for this link.