[Kiya]

Was in hosp in Dec and the dr told me they don't like to hospitalize DIDs because the environment is so tough for them with all the triggers. They only kept me 7 days because I was so freaked out (had gone in for a major depressive episode), begging to go home.

Needless to say that my most recient hospitalization (3/30-4/16), in a different place, was rather eventful once i stopped panicking and 'settled in' to the ward. Alters started really acting up/out. This plance had been chosen because of its rumored good treatment of DIDs and treating them in accordance to the DSM.
So,
Age 10 actually had at least 4 sharps confiscated from her and had injured numerous times on the ward.
Age 8 had 3 escape attempts (one having been successful for 3-5 minutes and ended with a walk around the interior courtyard).
Age 4 (at the end of the nearly successful escape) swapped in and wouldn't take the meds the nurse brought us in the hallway.
On 8's third attempt, she walked right into the same nurse who was coming in the door - who knowing what to expect now, took hold of the body and gently but firmly pushed us back away from the door. "Why do you want to leave us?" she kept saying.
Several ages swapped in when in trouble for one thing or another (like getting another sharp confiscated after being told "I was testing you. How can I trust you?" by a different nurse. 8 swapped in an wrote out an apology, then dropped it in front of her and ran. The nurse came over with it and wanted us to read it to her, which 8 wouldn't do. 8 also tried to destroy the note, but the nurse took it back.
One alter kept hiding meds and taking them when she wanted, vs. when they were given.
I am a person who follows rules - usually to the letter. But in the ward, it is a totally different story. Same was true about sharps back in Dec. If there's a will, there's a way. Why is that not working for me off the ward?

I am really lucky this place treated me well. When I had system lockdowns, the staff talked me through them or even moved my arms to take meds or move the body. When I was put on watch (for harm) and had to stay in the day room all day, they were still nice to me. With the escapes, they put up a sign that said "escape risk severe" so that staff would actually close the doors behind them and watch that no foot was slipping through to hold the door open
I wish they hadn't kept me 18 days - there was no need :/ but a new dr came on halfway through and wanted to do med changes (which I'm not sure I like), so she kept postponing my discharge date. This is the first time the DID dx has been written down - until now it has always simply been listed as 'anxiety' because "once you're given a dx, it is hard to remove it" and "it could potentiall cause you problems down the road". But now it is official, direct from the hospital, for better or worse.

[Roseheart101]

Hi Kiya,

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences in the hospital. It was eye-opening for me and helps us all to understand what occurs when there are multiple triggers. I am glad you all made it home safely.

No wonder so many medical peoples don't want to understand the problems of DID . . . it is not easy to do.

O Kiya, I completely and utterly get this situation. And I feel for you. Hospitals cause my entire system to go completely out of tune. It's not even cool. Exactly like you're describing and then usually the hospital thinks that I'm so severe that I need not see the outside for months. So I go in for acute suicidal thoughts and I stay for 3 months. Usually it takes that long until all alters feel safe in that particular place and stop acting out. When really it's not necessary for them to feel safe there, just let them go back home. As long as the original issue(safety) was dealt with. Although to them it seems as if it hasn't been dealt with, because I have had alters do just as you described. Self harming or harming other parts, etc. But that stuff wouldn't be happening if I was at home.

It's really really triggering for my system to be in a hospital. We now have a safe hospital that specializes in DID, but getting the insurance to cover it is nearly impossible.

I'm so sorry you have to experience this. It's one of my biggest things that rocks my safety. Like if a unsafe part comes out and is tormenting my system, we have nowhere to go. As you described general psych wards make us panic more, so we have to end up, in a real sense keeping our safety level to ourselves, because we don't want to be retraumatized.

I am really glad though that there was a hospital who helped you like that. There are no general psych wards like that around where I am. I have considered typing up some sort of a letter while I'm well, so that when I am very ill I can use it and see if it works. Like for instance I would include in it that if possible it makes me feel more safe to have my own room, so that when I feel overwhelmed I have a safe place to retreat to.

Maybe you could do the same?

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

O Kiya, I completely and utterly get this situation. And I feel for you. Hospitals cause my entire system to go completely out of tune. It's not even cool. Exactly like you're describing

Yep!!! I actually got tricked going in. The whole point of me contacting that private hosp was to see if they had therapy there and could work with our destructive alter's abusive programming for sui. Turns out they didn't.
So instead of answering my question, they have me come in for an "appointment" and then wouldn't let me leave @_@ PANIC! So not the plan! I wasn't sui!!! yes, things were esclating with that alter and depression was bad, but I wasn't in harm's way. They wouldn't let me get my stuff from home. I told them that if I didn't get 8's stuffed animals we were going to have a melt down right then and there. THey finally gave me 3 hours to get things taken care of and packed - if I didn't turn up in 3 hours they would call the cops. Made me sign a form and took down my car info!!

...and then usually the hospital thinks that I'm so severe that I need not see the outside for months.

Totally - each time the alt. harmed I think bought us another day on the ward. One nurse (the "testing me" one) said that if I wanted to get out, I need to stop doing that. I think she didn't know for ages that we're more than one. ANd when I said to another nurse (the one that stopped 8 on her 3rd flight) that I had a possible thursday date for home, she answered with "hmmmm... we'll see." @_@ Didn't get out until the next monday.

So I go in for acute suicidal thoughts and I stay for 3 months. Usually it takes that long until all alters feel safe in that particular place and stop acting out. (*HMM!*) When really it's not necessary for them to feel safe there (*EXACTLY!!!*), just let them go back home. As long as the original issue(safety) was dealt with. Although to them it seems as if it hasn't been dealt with, because I have had alters do just as you described. Self harming or harming other parts, etc. But that stuff wouldn't be happening if I was at home.

(possible trigger below - pls be safe)
that's totally it. ours harmed nearly every day. that doesn't happen at home. we did have a 5 day (?) stretch with no harm, but she never lost contact with her chosen tool. For all their "safety" they never checked us for items (just believed me when I said no to "Do you have anything on you that you can hurt yourself with?" - but they would check my room...), especially after leaving the cafeteria when they knew her chosen item was the plastic knives. But any sharp would do. I'd even sometimes turn myself in - only to get in trouble or put on watch. HELLO! I just GAVE you the item, now i am item-less. Why put me on watch NOW?!

As you described general psych wards make us panic more, so we have to end up, in a real sense keeping our safety level to ourselves, because we don't want to be retraumatized.

YEP! i started lying on the daily check in forms. I was NEVER going to get out of there if I didn't. The good thing about this hosp was that it was more like a treatment center and didn't have those awful ER "holding cells" where you sit for hours in a cold room with just a mattress and blank white walls (omg those make us cry and cry).

I have considered typing up some sort of a letter while I'm well, so that when I am very ill I can use it and see if it works. Like for instance I would include in it that if possible it makes me feel more safe to have my own room, so that when I feel overwhelmed I have a safe place to retreat to. Maybe you could do the same?

I think that's a great idea! I hope that works for you! I have 2 pretty strong hosts (we share) that are good at advocating for the system, fortunately. And a narrator/observer as well. OMG for example, when I first got there, they *took away* our xanax!!! No talking to me, no consulting with me. Just boom. "We don't like to use it." OMG!!! I've been on it for 2 years, you don't just take away a med!!! And they wouldn't let me have atavan either. Talk about freaking out. 30 hours, no xanax. So mad and in so much panic. I'm on dissability for anxiety and panic and they take away my 2 only anxiety meds??? who's running this show?? Every hour or two I was asking them for it. Through panic attacks and tears, they'd ask me what I need - XANAX!!! Then they looked up who my dr would be and said "Oh she's not going to use either one of those - she really dislikes those". I said I'm leaving - you can't just take away meds. If i can't have those I'm out of here. Finally they called her (she was on vacation), and got it back as well as the atavan (by then I was having withdrawals). Then they had to give me librium for withdrawals along with the med. Unreal. That was a rocky start.

My new therapist asked me if I'd go back - why are we talking about this now... it's my first day here.... shook my head no. Granted, it was easier going than most. But I also can't afford it. New therapist is worried that if we do work on the alt.'s programming, I won't be safe. Duh, that's why I tried to do it inpatient. So I don't know what the future will hold. I'm not real optimistic.
Thanks for the post.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by Roseheart101

Hi Kiya,

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences in the hospital. It was eye-opening for me and helps us all to understand what occurs when there are multiple triggers. I am glad you all made it home safely.

No wonder so many medical peoples don't want to understand the problems of DID . . . it is not easy to do.

Thanks Roseheart. It can be so frustrating. They also did 3 med changes, and I don't think i like them. But if you don't take them, then you are being "non-compliant" even though you can "choose to refuse them". Pretty sure I don't like being a mental health patient.

Originally Posted by Kiya

Yep!!! I actually got tricked going in. The whole point of me contacting that private hosp was to see if they had therapy there and could work...

When I get done with the letter I'll share it on here! I'll make that a goal for tomorrow.

I am so sorry it seems as if that general psych unit did more damage. I don't know where your from, but our safe unit is Sheppard Pratt in Baltimore. I'm from Pa, so insurance coverage is off and on about whether they wish to cover it or not. They just get it there. Everybody was so convinced that I would be in that place for 90 days or more. But I ran through the program in 5 weeks, because my parts all felt safe and secure there and the staff just knew how to reinforce the feeling of safety.

This may trigger be safe

I got put in restraints there once, because I have a introject who likes to see me suffer, even if the only punishment he has is restraints. What he would do was act out (self harming) and then leave as soon as I was in the restraints. This place understood this about me, and as soon as he left, they took the restraints off. I was in them for maybe 3 minutes. Other places would be weary of letting me out of them for the next 24 hours, because it could happen again, then they would step me down to a seclusion room, etc. Which would just traumatize me more. Which is exactly what an introject wants. But this place wasn't going to give the introject his way. It really helped because after about two times this introject suddenly realized he couldn't hurt me this way anymore and he gave up, I had a falling out with him and I learned to work with him, instead of against him. We still have our moments. It was just such a big difference in the way they treated me.

[anderson]

we so sorry they be that way,

we no work with local T's or hospitals cause they no help us heal they only hurt us more too.

hoping you get more help with those with in safely!

[Kiya]

Lydia, I'm so glad that place knew how to deal with your introject part and not keep you in there for hours.
Yes restraints are something that I fear very much because I know that if they try it, they'll get 4 super strong and wild alters fighting against them. As a kid, just for a medical test, it took 3 nurses and a dr to pin me on my face to the table because we were needle phobic and not about to let it happen - i'd hate to see now how many people it would take to hold us down. They'd have to inject us with something and that would totally be re-traumatizing. They did mention it upon going in and i kinda blacked out that understanding... to difficult to think about. I would need to do a letter for that.
Thanks for your post.

[Kiya]

Thank you Anderson

[Bmee2]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

When I get done with the letter I'll share it on here! I'll make that a goal for tomorrow.

I am so sorry it seems as if that general psych unit did more damage. I don't know where your from, but our safe unit is Sheppard Pratt in Baltimore. I'm from Pa, so insurance coverage is off and on about whether they wish to cover it or not. They just get it there. Everybody was so convinced that I would be in that place for 90 days or more. But I ran through the program in 5 weeks, because my parts all felt safe and secure there and the staff just knew how to reinforce the feeling of safety.

This may trigger be safe

I got put in restraints there once, because I have a introject who likes to see me suffer, even if the only punishment he has is restraints. What he would do was act out (self harming) and then leave as soon as I was in the restraints. This place understood this about me, and as soon as he left, they took the restraints off. I was in them for maybe 3 minutes. Other places would be weary of letting me out of them for the next 24 hours, because it could happen again, then they would step me down to a seclusion room, etc. Which would just traumatize me more. Which is exactly what an introject wants. But this place wasn't going to give the introject his way. It really helped because after about two times this introject suddenly realized he couldn't hurt me this way anymore and he gave up, I had a falling out with him and I learned to work with him, instead of against him. We still have our moments. It was just such a big difference in the way they treated me.

Lydia,
i just wanted to thank you for the name of the hospital that helped you feel safe.. I was going to ask you what was the name...and you just so happened to provide it.

Originally Posted by Bmee2

Lydia,
i just wanted to thank you for the name of the hospital that helped you feel safe.. I was going to ask you what was the name...and you just so happened to provide it.

Yes Sheppard Prat has a unit for trauma/dissociative disorders and mostly they accept people who either have been diagnosed or are facing a diagnosis of DID. They don't seclude there, whatsoever. And only do restraints in a case like mine, where harm towards oneself is evident and will not stop. It is the ONLY time I have been in restraints that I have thought that the staff acted appropriately and safe towards me. It's such a big difference between there and general psych units. Once you experience a specialized unit all you feel that general psych units did was babysit you. Sheppard Pratt is one I can vouch for. But if you're not near Baltimore, it's a little difficult. Although we had people coming from as far as Georgia and Maine and I'm sure even further. I've also heard good things about River Oaks in New Orleans.

[Kiya]

Hey - you said they didn't just babysit you - do they have programs? therapy? Will they accept someone from Oregon ?
I suppose, thinking about it, if i HAD to go back to another inpatient time, I would look into this same one again... but i was in the Women's Program and not general psych - I don't know what that would be like.

Today on my way to day program, I brought the hospital staff and kitchen staff a progress note (like they asked for) and a thank you card (for helping me with my food restrictions). I wish I could have a response from the staff, but I know how that goes.

LOL they would take anyone, it would just be insurance logistics. But I got in on a single case agreement and I'm sure I'm not the first it's happened to.

[such is life...]

I was in Sheppard Pratt in Baltimore Maryland...they have a trauma unit just for dissociatives They knew what to do...it was a safe place.

[Kiya]

that's cool that they have that. Perhaps the rest of the country (and world) will learn and get on the ball, too.