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#1
May 16, 2012, 02:44 PM
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A few years ago when seeing a psychiatrist for medication, he completely (on the first visit) ruled out DID and automatically threw epilepsy into my group of DX's even though I had never had a confirmed nor what looked like seizure for my whole life. Not to mention no one at all related to me has ever had a seizure, and no head traumas.
Well it just so happens this past August I had a grand mal seizure. I had my second seizure two weeks ago so I went to a therapist because the seizures are causing so much stress. The t at first ruled out DID until the end of the session and now he's pretty convinced I have DID. (I've been diagnosed with it by numerous doctors over the last 10 years so that dx is nothing new.) The new t thinks that the seizures could possibly be another form of dissociation. He didn't get into too much detail since the first visit was mostly paper work but he was pretty convinced of my DID by the end of the hour and pretty convinced my DID contributed to these seizures. Has anyone else heard of anything similar to this? I have to be honest, the feeling of going into the seizures is very similar as it is when I go into my blackouts which range from minutes to an entire year. I guess it all seems relatively similar, even coming out of it. I'm back at the denial of DID again, it's a never ending cycle for me in this.
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you. 
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#2
May 16, 2012, 08:29 PM
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Oh gosh, I just realized what may be happening at my next t appointment... He said he wants to try a few techniques to bring out someone, if he can... I don't want to move that fast. I don't even want DID to be that confirmed yet. I'm not ready to handle this. I told him "anything that can get me feeling better" but with my state, I'm afraid that may make me worse.....
I want to get better but... What if it brings out a seizure, or what if it brings out someone else? No doctor has officially met another alter, that I'm aware of at least. I don't know if he will even get anywhere. But I don't know if I even want him to. I want to keep dwelling in the shadows, keep myself blind to what may be going on internally. I really wish this would all go away. I just want to sleep until I can feel normal again. I'm afraid to be awake because of all of this, but I'm afraid to sleep because I'm afraid I wont come back from that sleep for quite some time. Next Thursday... Next Thursday my life might change. I don't know if it will be better or worse but right now, the changes lately haven't been better so I just don't know. I'm totally freaking right now. I don't want anyone to know. This is a small town, my hometown. If they know I have DID, oh gosh... He already put down my abuse in the computer. I'm in the system. OK I'm freaking out... Sorry to post, not trying to take up the forum so I didn't post a new thread but if he does encounter an alter, I just don't know what will happen. Bad things happen when they come out. My body doesn't do bad things but when they come out it's always due to something bad happening... Who would come out, what would they say and how would they act? I spent my whole life keeping secrets of this abuse. I can't risk them telling those secrets... I tell what I want to tell and nothing more... But for them, I really don't know.... I just don't know what to do. Sorry for posting. I'm pathetic I know... They have been nothing but good to me, helping me through everything. Yet I'm terrified to know they are there, terrified to know how many or who... Sheesh, I'm pathetic...
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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 amandalouise, Gently1
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#3
May 17, 2012, 02:32 PM
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I dont know where you are but here in NY USA therapists are not allowed to call out alters and therapists are not allowed to make a diagnosis of whether someone has DID or not. plus the diagnostics say there must be two or more alters. So if they speak to one of your alters you still wont carry the diagnosis of DID. talking with only one alter just confirms a "suspicion" of any of the mental disorders that carry the possibility of having alternate personalities, ego states, and other types of alters that come with many different mental disorders.. in order to be diagnosed DID here in the USA you will need to see psychiatrist and many other types of doctors and do many many tests. before you can be called DID.. the new diagnostics not finalized yet does include seizures but talking with an alter wont work to find this out.. if your treatment providers are thinking you have DID because of seizures you will have to under go physical and mental testing to find out what kind of seizures you have.. the new diagnostics are going to require a special kind of seizures, not those that come with epilepsy or any other known seizure problem. the type of seizures with the new proposed diagnostics are conversion type seizures not medical type. conversion symptoms come with many mental disorders example a person with major depression can have seizures because thats how their body is showing their overwhelming sadness and other depression symptoms. treat the mental disorder - depression and the seizures stop. this is the kind of seizures your treatment providers will have to look for once the new diagnostics go into affect. Now if I remember right not so long ago you posted in the anxiety/ panic forum that you now know what your black outs and seizures are - your anxiety, grand mal seizures and may be the result of doing mushrooms... that right there rules out not in DID on the new proposed diagnostics if they are using the seizures specification because the treatment provider must state what kind of seizures they are and another diagnostic states the problems cant be because of drugs alcohol or other physical / mental health problems. so Breath relax. and its your body. your treatment provider can say they want to call out your alters but you have the right to say no and let them know the USA ethics does not allow treatment providers to call out/ force out alters. you can also contact your states ethics committee that over sees therapists in your location and talk to them about where this kind of breach of ethics falls and what you can do about it if he attempts this anyway... which would also fall under the heading of abusing a client here in NY. that said - congratulations on finally having another therapist. I know you have been looking for one for a long time. 
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| honeybee777
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 honeybee777
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#4
May 17, 2012, 03:53 PM
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Thank you for taking the time to read and reply I highly appreciate it. I have been diagnosed time and time again from numerous therapists psychiatrists etc all the same to me. Mental doctors. I've been in the system over 10 years and have been given the name for over 10 years, originally when it was mpd. Unfortunately it always seems to be questioned on pc, it's no wonder I always question it myself.
What is being questioned by my therapist is the connection between my DID and my seizures. He was not trying to diagnose me but was trying to originally start with a clean slate without DID diagnosis even though I've explained I was diagnosed time and time again. Starting with a clean slate in my opinion was a good idea. By the end of the session though he decided not to rule out DID because he felt it is very possible I was accurately diagnosed the many times I was. But like many with DID I constantly deny and constantly doubt the diagnosis. I said my first seizure was due to mushrooms, the second one was while I was on nothing at all, just under high stress. I was diagnosed DID 10 years before I even tried mushrooms so to rule out DID because I took mushrooms 10 years doesn't make much sense to me. I only recently started getting seizures this past August and have only had two, one on mushrooms the other on nothing at all. The new therapist believes that my dissociation may have progressed to seizures. He thinks that there is a connection since there are many "coincidences" around this. But he still wants me to see a neuro and will be working with the neuro when I find one affordable. I'm sorry amanda if this comes off anything less than polite. I've been at work 10 hours without a break and that tends to make me a grouch. I really do appreciate your response, you are always full of knowledge and very often know the answers to many questions. But I have been diagnosed by numerous doctors numerous times throughout, I just don't want to believe it. I don't know if I ever will believe it. I want to get better so part of me would like for him to try and bring someone out just to get the ball rolling but I'm really not ready for it yet and I think I will talk with him about that. I'm not ready for it to be confirmed to me that I do have DID. I like being in the dark sometimes. I put myself here and would like to linger here a little longer I think. The secrets are not something I think I'm ready to know. Thank you again for such a great informative response.
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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| amandalouise
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| amandalouise
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#5
May 17, 2012, 03:55 PM
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Maybe progressed is the wrong word, my new t believes that my DID or DD has been a reason for the new seizures. But of course myself as well as he want confirmation from the neuro that it's nothing they can find causing them. The CT scan came back fine, next up is an eeg... I'm afraid to do that one...
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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#6
May 18, 2012, 01:15 PM
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PFM-
I know a little something about this. I was given an epilepsy diagnosis back in 2009 after I fell from leaning against a desk in an inpatient ward and hit my head on a blood pressure machine. I got nine stitches in the back of my head. I hardly remembered any of it. My head would fall forward, my neck would drop, I would loose ability to function in my arms and legs. They looked like petit mals. I wasn't diagnosed DID. They did EEGs. Found nothing. Waited awhile. Did more EEGs. Found nothing. They then decided to do a sleep study to find out if I was having cataplexy attacks from narcolepsy. They took me off my medications as it would effect my sleep study. In the middle of taking me off my drugs I had over 30 of the attacks in a row. I was rushed to the ER. I remember none of it. I was given sternum rubs, I remember none of it. I didn't respond to them. I would loose all body function, over and over and over again. The pumped me full of ativan to slow my heart rate and said to have serotonin syndrome from being taken off too quickly, so I was put back on and had to take the sleep study on the drugs. Which would make it inaccurate. I was told for two years that it was in fact narcolepsy and that I was having cataplexy attacks, and that my anti depressents I couldn't get off of, were blocking things on the sleep study that would give a complete diagnosis. I was tired enough that I could be diagnosed with it. I was given stimulants. Lots of them. But I only got worse. I was given medical GHB, which is a new treatment for narcolepsy, but I became psychotic. In the midst of the psychosis episode I was given anti psychotics, where I suddenly learned that anti psychotics in all stopped the episodes. I was confused. A few months later I was put on a trauma unit where I was told that I had DID and that when people with DID switch drastically, they can do things like drop to the ground, loose muscle functioning, drop their heads, and are often misdiagnosed as having seizure disorders and that anti psychotics can decrease the amount of switching, and particularly drastic switching that goes on, and therefore stop the episodes. The only way to tell the difference is that DID treatment will not work for seizure disorders and seizure d/o treatment will not work for DID. |
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#7
May 18, 2012, 01:44 PM
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I just get confused reading your posts sometimes because one posting you are questioning everything and posting you havent been diagnosed DID and want to know if what you have sounds like it and other posts you say you have epilepsy and other postings you say you havent been diagnosed yet because they wont do the tests, no treatment providers and gosh your life is so full of ups and downs its hard to keep things straight and you have so many physical and mental health problems that could be the reason for this or that symptom/problem that you have posted about...sometimes when you post you start out saying this is the problem and you dont know what it is, then later sometimes only minutes later you post that you know what it is either in the same thread or on other boards..... the result is sometimes Im not sure whats what... So before I post to you I always go back and look at your other postings to see whats what and try to make sense of where you are at in this long journey of yours.. yes denial is a hard thing isnt it. understanding and leaving the denial stage behind will come when you are ready. |
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#8
May 19, 2012, 09:23 AM
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I know the confusion myself, its really hard to figure everything out. I have been diagnosed did by a number of doctors. Then ive had new doctors on occassion that rule out the did and blame it on migraines and two who have blamed it on seizures. Then its right back to the did diagnosis. Not to mention i do feel one way one second than only seconds later i dont feel that way and dont remember ever feeling the first way. As far as my health goes, its the same confusion. It drives me crazy. I will go months sometimes where i have chronic kidney infections, labs say i have an infection but the cultures come back and nothing ever grows so its like back to tv drawing board. Then it just stops. It comes back a year or two later and goes on for months. Sqme thing with my blood pressure and sugar levels. I have low blood pressure that gets bad and makes me so dizzy and weak for a few months then it just goes away for a couple tars before it happens again. Same with blood sugar, it will last a few weeks to months where it always seems to range in the low 60s which isnt terrible but normally its in the 120s. Everything seems to happen in phases with me. Including this. Sometimes i believe the doctors with the did and everything makes sense, other times it seems like the furthest thing from me.
I talked to the new t a little about how much i change so he wants me to bring in my old journal. I flipped through it last night and was reading things that i couldnt believe i wrote. An example, he asked if i had been getting good sleep this past year and if i was having bad dreams. I told him no, my sleep was fine only to go back and see all kinds of nights fighting to sleep and fighting off nightmares. He also asked if i had been hallucinating. I told him the recent times but didnt think i had been. But when my journal, it was full of hallucinations. Im a walking contradiction. People often accuse me of lying but howstly... i do my best not to ever lie to anyone, i feel like i used up all my lies on my mom and im christian, im hard on myself so even the smallest white lie makes me fear damnation so i avoid it as much as possible. I dont lie, i dont think i do. But lets say you ask me my favorite color. I say green but the next time you ask me, green could be my least favorite color and my favorite is yellow. Ask me again aand you will get another answer. Ive tried to figure this out, i guess thats why its good to journal. Sometimes i have a very vague memory of saying something, other times i cant remember sayimg it at all. This also contributes to the denial of did because my blackouts, typically i can tell when time is missing. But sometimes i do and say these things aand vaguely remember them but dont know why i would say it. This i guess is why my t said i will be a tough case to crack. Ive been trying to figure this out for some time now. I can go through the whole day in a deep fog, getting angry and upset at everything then out of no where the fog clears and i feel fine and dont remember being so upset and will say i jad a wonderful day. Again, ima walking contradiction and it really is frustrating, my mind and body seem to change in an imstant and all the time. |
| amandalouise
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| amandalouise
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#9
May 19, 2012, 10:27 AM
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| amandalouise
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| amandalouise
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#10
May 19, 2012, 10:36 AM
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Following my posts probably creates a headache. I know more than anyone else, im a mess. I know it confuses me and im in this head, from an outside perspective im all over the place, but dont feel like a stalker lol, it is the best way to give an informative post, as for me, im afraid no matter whats said or what i do i contradict myself. But honestly i never mean to and dont even realize i have. Like i have been in the past diagnosed schizophrenic, today i will tell you there is no way thats me, tomorrow though, it might explain all of my problems. Basket case over here, i guess i really am crazy, good thing i have a t. Perhaps he can sort this although b suggested i admit myself for a week or so, some moments i think hes right, other moments im perfectly fun, nothing is wrong. So if anyone follows my posts, keep some asprin handy, it will likely cause a headache
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| amandalouise
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#11
May 19, 2012, 10:44 AM
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I have a part who will purposely confuse professionals. And if they aren't specialized in DID, it works. Even if when I'm "me" I tell them "Look don't listen to me when I tell you I have schizophrenia" "Don't listen to me when I tell you I have narcolepsy". Etc. I also have a part who will deny the DID, because they deny the abuse. You can't claim DID and not claim abuse. I have been diagnosed with everything in the book and have confused every professional from here to timbucktoo, except Sheppard Pratt. The idea of DID is to hide it when we are young, so we continue to do so as adults. Something I would do if my part like this came out would be to put it in a safe place by doing a safe place collage. Do you have a pinterest? I have a safe place collage on there that I have started. Whenever I start to feel a part who may be of danger to the system start to come out, I go spend time with this collage. And it works for me. But you have to find what's best for you. This is my collage. I'm not saying it will fix the problem, but it may make you feel a little more calmer inside. http://pinterest.com/cdlynn39/zen/ If you want to do this and need a pinterest invite, just PM me. Last edited by anonymous12713; May 19, 2012 at 10:58 AM. |
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#12
May 19, 2012, 11:17 AM
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I do have a pinterest but havent figured my way around the site yet but your idea does sound great, i will try it when im on the computer tomorrow. Those pictures are beautiful. I dont know what or if the parts are there so i have no clue where to start with that but there really is something comforting in looking at those photos and many like it. Your pictures are beautiful you have pinned. Its relaxing looking at the photos, makes part of me feel like im there, in spirit maybe. I can hold onto the mental image and stay there for a while so if not for any other eeason but to give my spirit a calming break like you said. Calm. People take calm for granted. Even when things are great in life, i still feel chaotic inside. Constant tornado going on inside and its like i get confused and mixed up on purpose. One doctor told me she did believe there was a part whose job it was to hide the did from even myself. If that is the case, hes/shes pretty darn good at confusing me and messing everything its for a good cause and with good reason i suppose but it makes things that much more of a mess sometimes. Perhaps i will make many pinterest boards, let them if they arw in there, have their in board but until then ill just play around with it. When i try to connect with themx when i try to let them come out to journal or whatever they are mia, when im not expecting it to happen isbwhen things really get mixed up
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