I hate them. I hate them. I hate them!

My team. I hate them!

They're forcing me to go back to Sheppard Prat and they're telling me that I have parts that are dangerous and trying to hurt me and I don't believe them. They're so full of crap. I want to stay here with my dog. And then they want me to go to a group home. I was finally starting to see happiness and light and now they want me to enthrall myself in the mental health world.

My therapist left me. Via a letter addressed to my team saying I was too severe and convinced everybody that I am "so sick" and then has been telling me for three months that I am "not sick".

So shouldn't she had been extra sure I'm really not sick, before she went around convincing me I wasn't? "We'll just tell every patient they're not sick. Oops I came across one that was, my bad!"

I wrote her an email today with a few choice words in it.

I hate them for making me do this. The rest of my team said that if I don't do this that they can't help me either. So what I'm left without services at all? And it's all because of HER and what she said about me. Before she existed they handled me just FINE. We've been together for four years. And if I loose them, then I loose my housing. So I'd be a homeless person that's mentally ill, all because I didn't want to go back to Sheppard Prat. And Sheppard Prat only takes people who are suicidal and I'm NOT. Other parts are. So what am I supposed to lie about that? I'm not lying.

They're forcing me into all this crap that I don't want to do and nobody is listening to what I WANT.

sorry about Shepard Prat,I thought I was helping

I'm so sorry Lydia! Is there any way that you can let out those who actually need shepard prat? Let them come out while you go in for a bit, let them get the help from the hospital and you get a break for a little bit? I really hope you find help and an easy way to get through this

unfortunately they are all parts of you and until you can either control them or get co-con and work with them its considered dangerous. we wish you all the best♥

Can you dump this team and get a new one?
I totally remember feeling forced into the same stuff...its hard to deal with.

Huh? Did we have a discussion about Sheppard Pratt? This was directed at you in no way. I'll have to go find the discussion. I had a lot of black outs like last week, so if it happened I don't even remember it!!! Don't worry Such is Life, I have been at Sheppard Pratt in the past and that's why they suggested it! I didn't even ask about it. (I think?). LOL

But it's so hard to do that, because they're really dangerous. And they get me put into restraints. Yes even at Sheppard Pratt. As soon as we got put into the restraints the part left and let me have the brunt of it. They let me out in five minutes time, but then you have to feel guilty for traumatizing the other patients there. So it's all just to punish me and the parts who like living. So to let them go would mean to go through a whole mess. And the staff make you feel really guilty for traumatizing the other patients for getting a code called, they like call you out in group, like you can stop it or something. I can't control it! So I don't want to even deal with that guilt. Because that part doesn't deal with it. I do. And I'm coconscious for that stuff, so it still traumatizes me, because I have no control over it. And Dr. L doesn't like when the parts act out, he gets really annoyed by it. He's not even my doctor, but one time he walked by my room when my one part was doing bad things and he said in a really annoyed tone "HEY! WILL YOU STOP THAT!?"

So I don't really feel 100% safe letting those parts take over "the body" as they don't take very good care of it. They hurt it. I feel like I have to stay in control. Morning and night. On constant watch. It's draining.

Oh I bet. Since you are co con is there any working with your parts? Maybe trying to talk to them and setting boundaries. Even if they are harmful they came about to protect you right? If they can see they are not protecting you and are in fact making things worse, perhaps they will be able to restrain just a little? And perhaps upon going in there you can talk to the doctors, let them know your concerns ahead of time so you can come up with a safe plan in case things go wrong, a way to bring you back into control? Or a way for them to restrain only until you are back? They sound like a good hospital, who is rather knowledgable with DID, they should have some plans on dealing with difficult parts

Lydia Im not sure what to say... in one thread you posted yesterday you sounded angry because your treatment team would not listen to one of your treatment providers telling them you were having a crisis - an alter that was going to harm you and in this thread posted yesterday you sound angry because your treatment team is listening to that treatment provider and is trying to find you the help that will keep you from being harm while this crisis runs its course /gets worked on.

Im sorry but mental health treatment doesnt go both ways.. they can either help you so that you get better and dont get harmed by this alter, or they not treat you and you end up getting harmed by this dangerous alter..

like the saying goes you cant have your cake and eat it too... in this kind of situation they cant not treat you inpatient and keep you safe at the same time.

some people's internal system of alters can be dealt with out patient because the internal system isnt the kind where alters harm the host. but apparently yours isnt set up this way so you require inpatient when your alters threaten to harm you.

I know you dont like inpatient care and yes it may result in what you see as negative - being restrained and loss of housing... but these two negatives also have some positives ...

that alter will learn making threats of harm to you and the internal system will not get the attention they want,

you will be kept safe from this dangerous alter

you have the opportunity millions of DID people dont have...treatment in a specialized program for DID... Sheppard Pratt helping them to learn how to have a better life, Shepard Pratt teaching you and your alters how to get along with each other, there are lots of DID people here where I live and work that would give anything to be able to go to a place like Sheppard Pratt for help in understanding of DID and treatment of their DID.

my suggestion go in there, do whats needed to be done and come out all the more healthier for it.

I totally agree with Amandalouise....go to one of the best d.i.d treatment centers; do the work ( follow the program) learn coping skills and stay safe and like Amandalouise said maybe this harmful alter can learn how to get his/her needs met in a healthier way...I think a lot of times when an alter is threatening the body its because they got triggered but like with me I had to learn the hard way to "listen internally and try to help out alters who are acting out"((((hugs)))) life...