Left Out

One of our friends was coming home tonight from university for the year.

I knew that.

What I didnt know was that boyfriend was going out to pickhim up with Lauren and Heather (lauren is dissociative too and I havent seen her in a couple of months because she has cancer and had to move to her parents place for a while)

I thought it was weird when cory didnt come online tonight to say goodnight. Well I called and he told me they were all at the airport...noone even asked if I wanted to go....

And on top of that he just said that he had to go right quick all of a sudden..

I feel terrible. these are my best friends why would they leave me out?

I should have known noone wants us around. Im hiding and never coming out. I am no good, I must be why else would someone do something like this..

he says he told me saturday night but sat night Iwas switching all over the place, it was bad.. I dont remember...

I dont want me anymore either. I want a me thats not damaged I am tired of feeling yuky

I never should have shown them. It makes everyone go away.

Your not left out hon cause you have us!!! I'm so sorry about what happened. Maybe it was some kind of a misunderstanding?
HUGSSSSSSSSSS
Cher

Rainbow, I am sorry that your friends treated you so wrongly....It was wrong that they didn't invite you.
Lilith

thanks everyone



it could have been a misunderstanding, like i said I dont know, I dont remember saturday night... so i guess he could have told me.

I just am scared now cause saturday night was really bad maybe I scared everyone away and they think im a freak now

I am sorry your friends left you out like this (grrrrrr) I feel the same way that I don't want me when friends treat me badly. I hope this is resolved soon. We care here even when growly (((((((((( Rainbowzz )))))))))))

We want you around...Remember you have your PC family......
Lilith

(((((rain))))))ANYBODY could have forgotten, doesn't matter if you "were all over the place" or not. Just remember that people are going to let you down at one point in time or another, I think we have all had more than our fair share of that BUT don't be so hard on yourself. You can't control what other people think, but please know that there are good qualities about you, or else they wouldn't have become your best friends. You lift so many people up here and you are so appreciated and loved by PC alone. That should be able to stand out and lift your spirits. You have wonderful insight, thoughts and suggestions. Take care of yourself! I'll keep you in my thoughts. TC!

(((csavage,lilith,fuzzy))

(((chery))))

Don't cry Rainbowzz. It'll be okay. You didn't scare your friends away. I bet it's just a misunderstanding.

Thanks petunia...

we have big time abandonment and trust issues and it doesnt take very much to throw us off. and then it feels like everyone is going to leave us. We never had stable parents, the longest we were ever with one family was six years. So we never had any stability or anything and it always seemed like when we were the worst people ran away. So it makes us sad and nervous.

Sometimes I dont know whether to show people to be true or to hide it so they will stick around.

I understand. I really do.

Rainbow! One thing I have found with my mental illness is no matter what my true friends have stuck it out. If something did happen on Saturday I bet it will be under the bridge. Maybe to put your mind at ease is just ask your friends and voice your concerns.
BIG HUGS
Cher

thank you everyone I know you are all right its just hard to see through the fog sometimes.

its just that sometimes I feel like if I lose one more thing in my life, I might just twinkle out forever.

You know?

Sigh.

But how do I explain this to my friends without seeming like im making ridiculous restrictions on things?
I just dont feel stable and I need stable.

We have trouble with abandonment and trust too. BIG trouble with trust, and also find that as a result stability is a not a constant in our lives. However, we are working on it (gee isn't there always something to work on ) we try and have a strong system with clear rules(or guidelines for those who find rules restricting ) which define who's responsibility something is, and its all strength based, which means we work out what people are good at and that becomes there contribution towards our stability.

For us, knowing that we have the skills between us,allows us to trust each other (usually) and it is this little bit of trust that we have in our lives and each other that gives us a tinsy bit of stability....tinsy but growing as we grow and develop as individuals. Don't know if that makes sense?
Thinkin of ya

I know, hun. But Rainbowzz are so beautiful, even if we can't see them, there loving image is always in our memories and therefore, in our hearts. And in your friends hearts. Maybe say something to Cory?

Hugs,
SongBird

thanks everyone.

I did talk to cory. IT turns out the reason they didnt invite me is because there was no room left in the car.

Im sorry for getting all freaked out on everyone. I just get so scared because of all the people who have left in the past because im not well.

Its hard to trust people.

Rainbowzz

It's very hard to learn to trust again. I'm there with you on that one. But, you are trying and that is what matters. Your communication with those you care about are so important and you are using them well.

Hugs,
SongBird

*nods nods*

It is also good that I can spit it all out here just as it is and have the rational balance of all of your input to see that I might be overreacting - and you all do it so gently too.

Thank you everyone it means so much to me.

It's so hard to not take things personally, especially when they feel completely personal. Seperating myself from my assumption that "If I feel it it's mine and it's true", wheeweee, tuff tuff tuff. Practice practice practice. Having a good t, and now, having PC, helps me triangulate and seperate and sort all the possibilities out. We sure do have our work cut out for us, huh?
As far as memory and group activities, my friends and I have come to the point (in our aging lives) of wobbly memories, so, we repeat ourselves to compensate. Remind each other, and make each other "Go write it down right now!" type trip. Make a joke of it sorta.... we're all in the same boat.....

(((((((((((((((((Rainbow)))))))))))))))))))) The way you reacted is how I would too.