need some thoughts

We have a part of us who believes they are worthless. They were asked to explain why they believe they are worthless. They said they don't know but still feel nothing else but worthlessness. How is it possible for one of us to believe they are worthless and others know they are valued. I don't see a way for this alter to experience feelings of value. It seems that the feeling of worthlessness is all they have. This feeling causes him/her to want to hurt him/her self. Which is us. He/she This alter doesn't seem to want to hurt us just him/her self that believes they are worthless. I don't know where to go with this.

Claritytoo,
You are talking about feelings, and when you get into that realm, there really are no rules. People are a complicated mixture of genetics, experiences and paths in life. Has anyone every asked you how you feel about an issue, it doesn't have to even be about yourself, but you don't have the words to explain it?

Some people have spent years being told that they were not as good, worthless, stupid or ugly, and after a while, one starts to believe it. There are those that will go to their grave believing that they are worthless. Most likely, they will go there alone. Others can be brought out of that mindset with kindness and support. Part of it depends on whether they were damaged, or broken. We all have our limits, an unseen line that when crossed over, causes us to snap.

What ever the cause of feelings of worthlessness, it is up to those who can, to lend support to those who are suffering. Giving up on someone who repeatedly says they are worthless only verifies that feeling. I'm going to use an example that may be a little controvesial. Take a fat person. They see others around them that are of normal size and wish they were as well, but have given up hope after trying numerous times to lose weight. They have been teased about being overweight, called names and humiliated. After awhile, they may start making jokes about how fat they are, or bringing it up quickly. Why? Because if they say it first, it decreases the chance of someone else making comments or mocking them. If someone feels worthless, they too may say it first before someone else can tell them that they are.

Take a child who every time they bring home a B on their report card, their parents ask them why wasn't it an A? They play a sport, work as hard as they can and score points for a team several times, but miss one shot. Their parents say nothing about the points they got, just ask why did they miss that one shot? Even if the parents are doing that in an effort to try and make the kid work to thier potential, all the kid hears is that they are never good enough. It sounds simple, but put enough years on that, and the damage is done.

Its not a waste of time to tell someone who is emotionally suffering that they are worth something. That they are special. Its not a lie or a matter of just trying to make the person feel better. Its the truth. We all have our place on earth, and while we are here, we all touch someone else's life one way or another no matter how insignificant we think we are.

I don't know if that came close to answering your question, but if nothing else, maybe it gave you something to think about.

Sam2

Thanks for your reply. My alter who feels worthless doesn't have a name and I am not sure of their gender. I think she may be a she. She doesn't seem to want a name. I think for now I will refer to her as Beth. She seems to be ok with that. Beth gets very angry when we are unable to do something correct. The anger wells up and than she wants to explode by hitting us, slapping us or punching us. She doesn't want to hit things. She wants to hit the body. And she wants it to hurt. Her first thought is to slap in the face. Than to punch the body. She has done both. She is not older than twenty. I don't think. Now that I am more aware we are alters I asked her why she wanted to hit us. She said it was from feelings of worthlessness. I can not remember if she said she was worthless or if the original was worthless and right now she is not making it clear. I am not sure she was aware we are part of a system. Knowing this might cause her to reevaluate her willingness to hit us. At least that is how it seems right now. I am glad you responded to my post it helped to give her and I a chance to communicate when we were both in a calm state. Thanks again.

Claritytoo...I had many alters that were like this... not just with the feeling of worthlessness...there was anger, happiness, depressed, ashamed, and even sexualized alters.. my therapist explained to me that DID type alters have their own way of being, their own jobs, purposes and reasons for being. what that means is that each alter has their own feelings, their own ways in which they perceive their self and the world around them, and they have their own way in which they present their self. Here where I live and work these kinds of alters are called "categorical". the DSM calls this type of alter "distinct"

for some people with DID type alters they are able to teach their alters things like safety, and that theres no need for the behaviors like self injury, and suicide that they were created for, hold and embody.

for others there is no way to get through to these type of alters.

for example with me there was not getting through to them, there was no way to communicate with them, there was no way to teach them, that their job, purpose and reason for being was no longer appropriate and no longer needed.

the only thing my therapist and I could do when it came to my alters not being safe with me / the other alters was by my entering the mental health unit and remaining there until it was safe for all of us again.

for those that are able to be co conscious and can communicate with their alters to help them understand they are not worthless and do not need to act out in unsafe ways, do so in many different ways. this is because there is no one way. what works for one doesnt always work for another...

some ways that those I know have used successfully is...Journaling, talking inside, asking insider questions on how to help them,. for a rare few hypnosis worked, emdr, CBT, and other therapy techniques have also worked for things like this..

only you and your treatment providers know how to best approach this situation and only you and your treatment providers can say what will and what wont work for you.

my suggestion if this continues to be an issue for you contact your treatment providers ie your medical doctor, your therapist or other mental health provider. they will be able to help you and all those with in to be safe and remain safe with your self and others inside.

Thank you for sharing your experience. When you say distinct do you also mean fragment. I refer to my parts that have one job as fragmented parts. I don't like the word fragmentated but I use it to differentiate between my parts that have one job and the others who function in the world. I don't try to teach my fragmented parts anything. I listen to them and ask them questions. It is up to them to decide what they want to do. If all alters were originally created to protect and help than I believe if they are able to reason they will figure out if their actions and thoughts are protecting and helping. At some point one of my alters started to direct their anger toward me. When I became aware of him I asked him about this. I realized he was angry because I had never acknowledged his effort to protect me from painful memories. I explained that I didn't know of him because it was his job to hold the memories so I will not remember. I apologized to him for not acknowledging him and his help. He had not thought about it in that way. He seems to understand why I had not acknowledged his help. He accepted my apology. I have not ask him how he intends to act toward me in the future because that is for him to decide. But he seems ok with me now. I am finding that there is a lot of misunderstanding between one another but that once we talk it out we seem to be back on the same page. I have a lot of co consciousnesses which allows us to talk to one another. I am also finding out though that I switch more often then I realized. I did speak with my t today and that helps me move forward. I explained to my t that I believe my alters were created through reason and I also believe they can return through reason. We are all one and for me I would like us to be one.

on the word fragment... here where I live and work that term is used to describe what has happened..

example a paper plate is ripped into many different pieces. the plate is said to be fragmented.

so here where I live and work it is believed that the alters have been split off... walled off in other words the persons mind has been fragmented from one whole person into one person and many alters.

I do understand that some locations and mental health treatment providers do differentiate between fully formed alters that fit the DSM diagnostic criteria for having DID and alters that are for lack of better words just snippets of emotions, events, memories. and such, use the term ....fragment.... versus ...real alters.....

we dont do that here where I live and work. we have found that it can be upsetting to people who have these types of alters that are snippets, bits and peices when we have tried to call their kind of alters "fragments" some times it can make a client feel like we think they are faking it or that their kind of alters are not important..

so here we used the updated term ...Ego States. this way the client doesnt feel like we are saying their kind of alters are not as important as the type of alters that fit the dsm diagnostic criteria.

Ego states and alters that fit the DSM diagnostic criteria are vastly different types of alters, but the treatment for both is pretty much the same thing... learning grounding, attempting to establish co consciousness and communication where the ability to do is exists and for some people integration.

I have had the alters that fit the DSM diagnostic criteria, ego states, and a third kind of alters called introjects. introjects are alters formed to/ for lack of better words become the carbon copy of an abuser, or other negative type person in a persons life.

an example of an alter that is "categorical" or as the DSM term uses "distinct" was my depressed alter. her job and reason for being was to hold my sad memories, try to kill herself, cried a lot, wore gray or neutral dont call attention to me type clothing. everything about her was sadness.

An example of one of my ego states type alter or in your words a fragment...is my feeling like a child about to get reprimanded ..queit meek fearful, jump at loud noises, Sometimes I was able to remain aware sometimes not.

an example of one of my introjects type alters was when I would hear this voice either in my head or coming out of my mouth putting me down, criticizing me, threatening me, acting out abuses on me when ever I tried to tell anyone what was going on, punishing me when the alter felt I had done wrong.

my therapist and I worked the same way with each of my alters regardless of whether they were ego states, introjects or categorical. regardless of what kind they were, they were there for a reason and they all had their own thoughts about things, their own jobs purposes and reasons for being.

My understanding is that alters and ego states (as you put it) are created when we are young and that they are created to help and protect us. My thinking is that "interjects" is a demeanor that is adopted by an alter that has become angry with the host/original. It doesn't make sense to me that I would create an abusive alter. I have discovered that at least one of my helper alters had become angry with me for not acknowledging his help during the abuse. He acted similar to the abuser by calling me names and suggesting that I kill myself. We have spoken and he let me know why he was always telling me to kill myself. He was upset because I had not acknowledged him and thanked him for his help. I know him now and I have apologized for not knowing him before and not acknowledging his help. He seems to be ok with me now. I am trying to find out more about the theory behind the development of interjects. I know I have another "interject" but she is in the dark place and came out once to defend the small ones. Her presentation was a lot like one of my abusers. It was a weird experience hearing her speak to my t. She is still with me just not coming forward. I am still experiencing and learning about my system and DID. I appreciate your responding to my post. I will see if I can refer to my fragmented parts as distinct parts. They might like that better. You and the others on this site have been a great help to me and give me a place go go when I need to get stuff out of my head. Thanks.

my introjects were created the same way in which my non abusive alters were. I went through extreme trauma as a very young child, during these traumatic events my alters were created to do the things I could not handle.

one of the things I could not handle was abusing myself when ever I tried to tell someone. my abusers would create situations in which one would appear to be nice and friendly, get me to talk about what the other abuser had done to me and then force me to punish myself for telling. As a result of that conflict (having to punish myself for doing something good like telling someone I thought I could trust) in my head was too much for me. So my introject alters were created to protect me from having to punish myself. in my child mind It was the alters punishing me not me punishing me kind of child like logic. I know many people with DID that have introject type alters that were created to protect their self in this way.

I know the idea that someone would have protection alters who's job, purpose and reason for being is to harm /punish the host sounds confusing to some people. most people think of the term ...Protection... as a positive thing. But even though alters are created to "protect" the person, that protection can come in some rather abusive ways.

"protection" doesnt always come to a child in a positive way...kind of like a parent who is trying to protect their child from the harm of getting hit by a car if they go in the road will give some sort of punishment to the child if the child breaks the rule to not go in the road. that punishment may be time out, a spanking or a privilege is revoked. even though the child perceives the time out, spanking or loss of privilege as a negative, The punishment is for the childs protection against the harm of getting killed. my introjects were alters that took on my abusers characteristics as a way to protect me from having to abuse myself. most if not all DID people have at least one (or more) abusive alters that are there to protect the host in some way by abusing the host.

Thank you for that insight. I understand what you are saying. I am still digesting the idea of abusive alters and this helps me to see them in a different light. It is something I will think through. Thanks again

Spirituality works for me. the beliefs that i am made in the image of "God. the belief that God doesn't make junk. i am a one of a kind original artwork nobody else has my dna. start growing in self awareness and setting goals and push forward to accomplishing things. that way you will use that energy for something positive.

Last night and on other previous nights as I am falling asleep I will suddenly have an over whelming, piercing feeling of fear. I get up from bed but the feeling continues. It is so frighting all I want to do is run or scream. I bounce around the bedroom or pace through the house. Nothing works. I put the lights on but the fear is still building in my head. I start thinking I am losing my mind. I take anxiety medication as a last resort and curl up under the covers and tell myself that everything is all right. This does very little to relieve the fear. I usually just need to wait it out. I can not seem to be able to connect this Panic to any one thing. I usually don't remember what I was thinking about when it happens. Does anyone experience the same thing. I am looking for a different perspective on this event. Thanks. Oh, and I havent had this a long time. Maybe just the last six months. I just seems to be happening more often recently.