big problem

Hi all long time no see, I have a major problem that I need advice on

My only friend in London has got tickets tonight to a rock concert and he wants me to go, I hate crowds for one and for 2 if anyone touches me I switch, herein lies the problem, about 3 months ago my best friends mom died, I went to the funeral and then onto the reception all the while avoiding physical contact with everybody,

Has the evening progressed my friend got blind drunk and picked a fight with me, I am not proud of what I did next, I beat him up in front of his whole family and stormed out the building, I still to this day refuse to apologise to him, he was wrong and he knows it, anyway he has categorically said if I don’t go to the concert tonight then not to bother calling him again.

I really am stuck on this, what if I go and switch and beat him up again for putting this pressure on me, pressure I really don’t need at the moment has I am not currently on any meds has they are getting switched around, again, and on the other hand I don’t want to lose his friendship, he knows I am DID and all that that entails, I told him he is being unreasonable and has put me in a no win situation, so what should I do?

It's good to see you again mellors

If I were in your place, I wouldn't go. I'd rather stay at home and keep myself safe and know I'd feel more comfortable, than force myself to go there. From the sounds of it you wouldn't enjoy it much and he doesn't sound very understanding to give you an untimatum to go there or else. He probably more wants your company there than for you to go there and enjoy it.

true he is being selfish, but he is the only friend i have managed to hold onto.
i dont make friends in real life, it is to hard to try and explain my DID without them running out the door at full speed. this really is a major quandry for me to try and deal with

I have to agree with Silver on this one mellors. He's not a real friend if he is only going to be your friend if you go.

I'm so sorry he is putting you in this no win situation. If people would just realize how hard it is to get through a day sometimes. Darned if you don't, darned if you do. Seems like that is the case a lot of times with this diagnosis (as well as others I'm sure).

Either way you decide Mellors, my thoughts are with you and I support you. I guess it boils down to what you know you can handle. Rock concerts... lots of people... mosh pits... does not sound like a non touch area to me. But, I understand your desire to keep a friend.

I wish you much luck. You are very cared for here. Please let us know how it goes either way. We care.

I understand what you mean about it being difficult to make friends in real life. This must be pretty difficult to decide. It sounds as if you are deciding whether one night of feeling somewhat unsafe (and potentially getting in another fight) is more important that holding on to this last friend. Such a tough dilemma. If I were in your shoes, I might consider going tonight and then leaving early (or just waiting in a coffeehouse nearby) if switching became too overwhelming for me.

Elizabeth

whatever i do i have 2 hours to decide, i have been loading up on diazepam (valium) to desensitise myself incase i decide to bite the bullet and go.

i have decided i am going, he knows the risk he is taking, in putting me in this position, if he wants to play mind feck games so be it, even if i do lose this friendship tonight i will sleep knowing i did everything i could to keep it going.

maybe you can reach out to him as a friend in a different way and a way that keeps you safe (if you even want to). Maybe explain why you can't go, but offer dinner or something you do feel comfortable with. That way you have done what you can to spare the friendship, and its his to waste.

how did it go mellors hon?????

i did it, i worked it out, i went to the concert tonight, and i stood in the bar all night, i never actually got to see the band live but i saw them on the screen and my friend was not disapointed, it cost me £300 pounds english ($500) to stay in the bar for 4 hours but i was in control and could see everybody that came in, avoiding them from touching me, yet at the same time still having a good time.

That's awesome mellors. I'm so glad it worked out for you! Great problem solving. Very cool.

Way to go!

so glad that you had fun mellors!

my friend call me today and appolgised for getting so drunk last night he cant remember how he got home lol, i took him, i am not callus, i was the one who got him drunk in the first place so it was the least i could do,

he still doesnt know i didnt see the band live but watched it all on the tv in the bar, i dont think he needs to know that, i did what he asked of me.

it was a fluke me spending the night in the bar instead of the moshpit "shivers" when i noticed that there were not a lot of people (2-3 tops) in there i went in to compose myself, i was visably shaking, the valium were not working so i thought next best thing and it went from there

i think you did good mellors xxxxxxxxxx

{{{{{mellors}}}}}



Clever move, we only have one irl friend left too.

I'm glad it went well mellors

thanks all for your support

I like your Elvis siggy. Why did it cost $500 to stay in a bar for four hours?

Jan

it cost £6.00 each for the spirits and £3.50 each for tins of stella lager, so approx £20 ($35) a round, i bought most of his drinks, i paid for the taxi to and from kilburn to the shepards bush empire which cost me £30.00 each way, he did pay for the ticket for the concert and i dont do public transport which would have cost pennies compared to the taxi but if i had gotten on a bus or underground i would not have made it there has me.

expensive night out i know, but it will be the last for a very long time.

(((((((((((((mellors))))))))))))))))

you're one of a kind, dear one. i'm glad it all worked out well. i hate that your friend put you in this situation, but glad it worked out so well (except the massive monies you had to spend).

Be safe and take care of yourself.

Your friend.

KD

I do so very much understand about not being able to ride a bus. The thought of it terrifies me. I have ridden a taxi but was totally desperate. You were very, very brave and I admire you for it.

Jan

PS. Thank you for explaining about the drinks. I didn't know you had to buy them seperately like that.