[Gr3tta]

I have now met with a new T as well . I really liked her. Much better than other one i tried recently.

I am now done with my testing and qquestions, and have a formal dx of DID. I may also have some seperate psychosis, but thats not decided yet. I am glad i have a team to work with that is experienced but doesnt make me feel intimidated.

[Patagonia]

I'm feeling so small today & very young. Very lonely bec I'm the only one. Self can feel it.

We had a big fight with T & said we quit. Everyone wantso quit cept me. I want her bac badly. It makes me cry & I think she's so angry with me like my dad used to get. Then I feel pain coming. Its comming soon. I'm very ashamed with all this.
I tried today to talk to my H about how young & scares I feel....he told me to grow up. That he cNt help me im on my own. I just wanto crawl under the bed & stay ther. I miss my T very much want her bac & want that safety but dont kno how to tell her. Do I send this posto her? So imbarrassd.

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[Gr3tta]

I think you can send this post to T or call her. She will understand that you did not really mean what was said. It will be okay.

[Chicken Fat]

Feeling out of sorts. T has been away and my brain has been beating me down for over a week. Don't know how he tolerates me. Also I canceled an upcoming appointment this week due to a conflict in my schedule. Well Saturday morning there was email from T reminding my parts of a safety contract we have with him for no SI. So confused. ?????? How odd. His staff must have informed him of my canceling while he was away. Granted I'm not feeling well this week,but??????
I have not SI d in years. Now I just want a real break from T. Get my parts in order. Therapy makes me crazier!!!!!!!

[Gr3tta]

Very connfused yesterday. Hoping to stay more grounded today. Will use my grounding objects, cook a meal, and do a yoga routine. My plan for staying together better this morning.

[Gr3tta]

My plan worked well. I did some good journaling, and tried out a new yoga routine. I've been much more grounded and less scary feeling.

[Gr3tta]

Blarg , i guess i just am checking in with myself?

[Patagonia]

Wento T on Monday. She asked for all parts present to air out any bad feelings bec we've hit a rut. I wouldn't let everything be said out loud. She knew I was holding back. She wanted to make sure the air was cleared before we move on. That session was....blah & this was right after I said I was quitting.
Was supposed to have T today but skipped it instead & had a good evil laugh about it. She emailed me tonite & asked me "what happened?" Gee there's so many answers I could give her. Instead I'm sticking w/silence & see how long I last.
Willpower! Where are you?

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[ChildlikeEmpress]

I am seeing a new T tomorrow.... had been putting off calling T's for weeks out of nervousness! But she seemed nice on the phone. So here's hoping it goes well

[Gr3tta]

Thank you to others for checking in. I had a good group today. Bad eating though. Thats a struggle for me.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Saw the new T today.... she seems pretty nice, direct sort of person but not exactly warm/motherly, which my young ones were hoping for (I can feel some disappointment from them about that). She looks exactly like Helen Mirren, lol.
She does primarily CBT and I'm not sure if that's a good fit for me or not. I had a CBT T once long ago and I couldn't stand him, but that might have just been his personality rather than the actual treatment. I will give her a chance and see how it goes! Probably CBT would be a good treatment for the anxiety things going on for me...
Hubby let me get a toy after my appointment. My Little Ponies

[Gr3tta]

I'm glad you liked the new T okay, ChildllikeEmpress, and you got to get a My Little Ponies! I take one of my smallest stuffies to my appointments. One I can hide up my sleave or maybe in my hood. They help me feel braver at my appointments.

Question for anyone to answer: Do your alters talk to your T? Can you have this happen without being triggered first? If so, how?
I would appreciate any answers. Thanks so much.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

What a great idea to take a stuffy to therapy, Gretta. I have a tiny lamb stuffy that I used to take to work and keep it in my pocket I so wish I could find him again! I'll have to see if it's buried in my toy box.
RE: your question, not as far as I know. Sorry I can't help there!

Today is the fourth day that my emotions have come back (they'd vanished for about a month). Unfortunately, sad is back today so I'm having trouble focusing on work this evening.

[Patagonia]

I'm still keeping my silence.....& enjoying it

[Gr3tta]

Originally Posted by ChildlikeEmpress

What a great idea to take a stuffy to therapy, Gretta. I have a tiny lamb stuffy that I used to take to work and keep it in my pocket I so wish I could find him again! I'll have to see if it's buried in my toy box.
RE: your question, not as far as I know. Sorry I can't help there!

Today is the fourth day that my emotions have come back (they'd vanished for about a month). Unfortunately, sad is back today so I'm having trouble focusing on work this evening.

I'm sorry that you are feeling sad, but I can't say I'm sorry that 'sad' is back. I think its important to have access to your full range of emotions. I hope you feel better soon.

[Patagonia]

Trouble is coming! Haha! The threat is so strong & over powering. I feel it & part of it feels so good. Please help me to be good.

[Gr3tta]

What does "good" mean to you Patagonia? How could we, or those irl, help you achieve it?

I have had a very mentally switchy active weekend. It makes me exhausted, but I am exercising to stay present in my body none the less. Every few minutes I keep getting up to do crunches, pushups, planks, yoga poses, weight lifting, then sit back down for awhile. I want to stay present today. I'm too tired to wrangle children or switch about today. *deep breath*

[Patagonia]

I feel like I'm going to go out & make really bad decisions...dangerous ones bec it feels so good. I'm ready to explode to find trouble.

I wanto be 'good' & make the right decisions. The safe ones...but their so dull.

[Gr3tta]

Patagonia, can you think of a safe thrill? What about rollong down a hill outdoors, painting a room in your house, or running up flights of stairs, or going to see a scary movie? I hope you stay safe.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Patagonia I agree about maybe finding a safe thrill. Like trying something new that you've never done before, maybe have been nervous to try, yet still "good".

Gretta I'm glad you are doing exercise and yoga and such -- I really need to be doing those kinds of things, too! Maybe I'd be less likely to get stuck in an icky mood.

So far today I'm having a lot of trouble getting motivated. And have lots to do! Still feeling sad. I know it's better than feeling nothing, I just wish I could get my act together and get some work done. My job is a creative one so lack of inspiration definitely makes it harder. Maybe Christmas music would help.

[Gr3tta]

Horrible day.

Try again tomorrow.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Today better than yesterday. Been in a pretty good mood. I have to draw a portrait commission this evening, so soon I will put on some tv or music, find some chocolate, and get to work. I think my stuffed leopard, Thomas, will hang out with me while I draw.

Gretta, I hope your day goes much better tomorrow! Hug.

[Gr3tta]

Much better day today. Sad, but manageable. Worked on some t homework.

[Patagonia]

I tried really hard on Tuesday. Thought I had moved on. Was almost proud of myself. Then Wednesday everything was back & that thrill seeking part made such a huge mess & now I have to pay the consequences for all these mistakes. It's not fair & it makes me so angry I wish I could shut that part away forever!

[Gr3tta]

I am really happy because i met someone in real life with did in one of my other groups i attend. i talked to her for awhile and she seems really nice. i hope we can become supports for one another and maybe even friends.