How do others (that know your alters) treat your alters? Are people ever rude?

My boyfriend who does not have any college degree but who did research on multiple websites came tp the conclusion i may have DID. Then my little Anna came out this weekend for the first time with him and he treated her aparently with respect and at a childs level as she came switched with me four more times to play with him. They played Chutes and Ladders.

Then today I was talking with my nurse L about my family apparently a trigger because Anna switched with me again. My boyfriend said L did not treat Anna with respect and talked to her as a parent would a kid who was in trouble! L was working on her masters in psychology before she needed to stop the program. According to L the more Anna switches with me the more control she will get which is what she is seeking. Anna says she is here to keep me safe. There is more to it.. but. Anna apparently said L was mean.

I am curious how others treat your alters? I want people to treat mine as they want to be treated. I don't tjink the answer is to be mean. BF said L told Anna "we don't nerd you. Kerri doesn't need you she is strong" and he thinks Anba stuck around longer then she would have.

Thoughts?

after I was diagnosed everyone treated me the same way that they treated me before I was diagnosed DID. getting the diagnosis doesnt change anything other than giving a name to what has already been happening...

example I split into alters before the age of 5. that meant those alters have been coming out and doing what ever they were created to be and do since before I was 5. it isnt like one day at age 19 I suddenly switched into alters..like one day at age 19 I got the measles. getting the diagnosis just put a name on whats already been happening.

before I was integrated and a switch would happen with a doctor they just continued treating the same way they would have it no switch had happened.

but I do know some people with DID who prefer their treatment providers talk to them like they would a child if they switch into a child and all that stuff. sometimes doctors do and sometimes they dont.

my suggestion...you are the one with this alter coming out. so its up to you to talk with your doctors and let them know how you want things to be handled when this alter comes out...just like if you had a normal problem you would discuss with your doctor how you want to be treated for that ear infection, body exam or what ever contact with a treatment provider you need.

doctors are like anything, any body else, some people like their doctors to talk calm and sweet, sugar coat things and other people want a doctor who will be honest, some people want a doctor who uses manners and others dont care about doctors using manners and such..

doctors are not mind readers so of course they are not going to treat you the way you want to be treated unless you take the time to talk with them.

My husband plays ball and catch and childrens games with the littler ones and takes them to childrens movies and holds their hand when they go out. Its sweet. He is a T but doesn fully understand DID, but at least he tries. What he doesnt get yet is the teenagers or that there is more than one adult. He just thinks i am majorly forgetful. But at least he tries withthe kids.

My sister is very understanding. And helpful. She is sweet to the kids. When i told her about fifteen years ago that i have DID, she said that made my entire life suddenly make sense. She said she somehow always knew i had DID, she just didnt have a name for it.

They are the only two people besides my t who know about the DID. My ex best friend used to know and she told me i was demon posessed. That was the last i saw of her.

Forgot to add something else that os nice, my sister and husband also buy the inside kids toys for christmas/ birthday presents, and my T buys the lods birthday presents because she knows what they individually like. Thats something that i really appreciate, that the kids feel respected and are treated as people and as the individuals that they are.

Yes my boyfriend said he is going to buy my little a birthday present too. My alters have only come out to my boy friend, my T, and my nurse that comes every day. Well just one has. My T has confirmed that my nurse didcthe exact oppisite treatment of my alter then she was supposed to do
But T said she can't talkcto my nurse. I don't understand why not.. i have signed releases... MY boyfriend has been relaying to me what the alters say. (He has met two of them. Annao aand Klara) he says Anna is sweet and fun and answers most of his questions. Klara he says is hostile and is botheered by the fact that Anna talks with my boy friend. There has been reference to a third by the othe other two to one nameed nellie but apparently she hasn't come out yet.

I am not at all aware of the otherctwo but am of Anna. We don't talk but i can feel her. When she is out i am not at all. In my head i can tell how close by she is based on a scale fron 1 to 10 yet i don't feel the switch coming. Is this simular to what you guys feel?

Hi I am new and have DID. Not sure if you are saying you want your boyfriend to help "fix" you or if you don't or what "fix" means in your situation. Does he come to your therapy sessions sometimes? Sorry for so many questions. I just don't know how I would deal with someone so close to me deciding their role with my DID being to fix us.

The first person I told that I had DID was acutally on a forum - a person there who used to be a therapist for drug induced DID tried to tell me to be carefull because not evryone understands DID and some people can be mean. In the end I took us off the forum but kept in contact with the therapist online and later we met him and his wife who were really nice to us. One thing we learned was that if we want our insiders to be recognised as people in their own right then we have to understand that sometimes insiders will have the same kind of issues as outside people have - sometimes they won't get along with others or others with them. We all have to work it out together if we can. people who understand mostly try to be good friends. they are not trying to be mean. We know they wouldn't try to hurt us.

After that we told her sister who doesn't really get it and never talks about it. We also told one friend of hers who treats her like it is a very private thing and only talks about the insiders if I brings it up. But the friend never talks with the insiders. We don't have anyone who would buy presents or play games with us. Our society here is too narrow in beliefs for that.

The therapist who said we had DID tried to scare them away by being sarcastic or just ignoring them, telling her that she was being silly. So he didn't help her with them.

So we are very glad we met the person online and working on the computer with Windows messaging was a right thing for us. He said if he was ever going to do therapy again for DID he would have 2 computers and do it that way because it is so much easier for insiders to talk that way instead of using the mouth. He said he could be a dad for us and tell the insiders things that are insiders at differnt ages needed to know from their dad in a healthy way and that is how we got better at having our insiders get along. we talk to much. sorry.

My alters all think our other half is someone separate each time we switch, this is when he tells me, To me he's Jensen, but the others call him by different names. I don't think he minds too much, he never seems bothered by it so i assume he treats us all very well.
Cas, he's the angel in us he call's our other half "Dean," And then Ellis calls him "Nick" and im not to sure who else is here. But yeah.

And we're all guys so, maybe being gay make him a little mor understanding, i have no idea?

***COULD BE TRIGGERING***

I don't have DID, but I do have DDNOS "with significant symptoms of DID" (now an official diagnosis), which basicly means I don't get time loss when I switch. I still have alters, fully formed, and they still take over my body, but I don't black out, I watch it as if it's a movie playing in my eyes and I can't control what's happening any more than I can change the script to a movie in theatres. This means I know exactly how others treat my alters... and it's not very nice.

My alters have been accused of kidnapping me, hurting me, and being bad for me and trying to kill me. Which is completely untrue. Sometimes my alters will call my friends to keep them informed of how I'm doing, and to tell them that I need support. More likely then not they will get verbally attacked by my friends for the simple fact that it isn't me on the phone.

Once someone discovers an alter is out anything that that alter says is taken as false and deceptive.

My little has been drugged by doctors because she was afraid to come out from under the covers she had buried herself in for protection.

My little was also asked to do sexual favours for a friend who thought I was "just playing around and acting cute and hard to get" while in the bath.

Basically people either treat my alters as vulnerable and easy to take advantage of, or lying deceptive monsters who need to be put down. If not, then they are extremely apprehensive and treat them like they're me acting out. The only exception to that is my boyfriend, who tries to act normally but is usually so traumatized by the event that my alters will end up taking care of him.

So yes, Monarch Butterfly, what you're experiencing is sadly normal. Most people are afraid of your alters and see them as a negative thing. They don't understand why you need them because they don't understand what you've been through. They think that they create weakness in you instead of giving you the strength you need at the time. So they get angry, or fearful, or vengeful, and impatient. They try to get "you" back, and often do not understand the damage they're doing.

You're boyfriend sounds understanding, and that is a very valuable thing. I would give anything to have my alters treated with respect instead of sub-human. Maybe then they would feel safer coming out.