[Bloem]

Accepting alters is difficult, that they are there seemed to be the only problem. Because they gave problems it was a fight a roller coaster of emotions. That I've forgot why they are there/here. Now there is some more calmness and space for everyone. Not all alters talk about fears and sadness but the little one does, not much but she speaks about what I want to forget. I did not realize that they also carry a painful story, my story, my trauma.
I thought I was wearing the painful story, but they wear pieces that I had forgotten or feelings I can not feel. I want to say 'that's not mine' stop talking about it, it hurts me.

I am afraid, can i handle this?
Some advice, support, experiences ?

Bloem

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Bloem

Accepting alters is difficult, that they are there seemed to be the only problem. Because they gave problems it was a fight a roller coaster of emotions. That I've forgot why they are there/here. Now there is some more calmness and space for everyone. Not all alters talk about fears and sadness but the little one does, not much but she speaks about what I want to forget. I did not realize that they also carry a painful story, my story, my trauma.
I thought I was wearing the painful story, but they wear pieces that I had forgotten or feelings I can not feel. I want to say 'that's not mine' stop talking about it, it hurts me.

I am afraid, can i handle this?
Some advice, support, experiences ?

Bloem

question...before you were diagnosed were you able to handle being the way you are?

the reason I ask that is because many treatment providers in my life gave me this fantastic advice/tip......nothing has changed.. getting a diagnosis and finding out you have alters doesnt change the fact that they have been there all your life. All getting a diagnosis does is put a name on what already is..

talk with your treatment providers they can explain about DID and alters in a way that will show you theres nothing to be afraid of, nothing is going to happen now that hasnt already been happening since you were a very young child.. now that you know a name for the problem and know the alters are there, you can start getting better, fix those problems you have if you want to. (I say if you want to because as strange as it seems some people do elect to do nothing, just go on with their life problems and all, others decide to work on their problems and get better so that they dont have so many dissociative problems. only you can make that choice and only you know whether you can handle what you know now and what you will need to do in order to heal)

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

question...before you were diagnosed were you able to handle being the way you are?

the reason I ask that is because many treatment providers in my life gave me this fantastic advice/tip......nothing has changed.. getting a diagnosis and finding out you have alters doesnt change the fact that they have been there all your life. All getting a diagnosis does is put a name on what already is..

talk with your treatment providers they can explain about DID and alters in a way that will show you theres nothing to be afraid of, nothing is going to happen now that hasnt already been happening since you were a very young child.. now that you know a name for the problem and know the alters are there, you can start getting better, fix those problems you have if you want to. (I say if you want to because as strange as it seems some people do elect to do nothing, just go on with their life problems and all, others decide to work on their problems and get better so that they dont have so many dissociative problems. only you can make that choice and only you know whether you can handle what you know now and what you will need to do in order to heal)

Thank you for you reaction.

Before I was diagnosed I had difficulties but I could handle myself because I did not know better, I was used to it. When I was diagnosed, I was told the same, nothing changed it has been given a name for something that was already there.
It is true that they were always there, but now I really know, and that they also have problems, emotions, memories, it is challenging for me and also a little scary. they came there for a reason, I know part of the reason and that is painful, because I know my trauma only they know things that I might want to forget and that scares me.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my T and I have discussed this subject.
She explained to me,for me to heal, other parts also need to work on their problems / trauma. This can be done through therapy but also through other things that works for them. It means that we sometimes will go through difficult things, but only if I want to. It's up to me I decide what I want and my wish is to integrate. That means I have to work hard and it will be a long process, and then it is not even sure if I will integrate, but I hope i will.

Again, thank you for your reaction

Liefs, Bloem

[tiggerandcrew]

What helps me is to remember the hell they went through and why they were created. They got me through the trauma that I probably could not have coped with. It was the only way my mind could pull me through it. They took my place so that I could survive. For years I could forget some of the horid stuff but they kept it for me. Now as much as I would like to get rid of some stuff I don't want to face, I look at them and can not give more for a small child to handle. I figure it is time for me to start protecting and helping them just like I would a small neighbor child or my own child. I take at least some time each day to talk to each and either play or work with them. I don't like remembering or feeling what I had forgotten but better me than that internal child that has gone through so much and protected me in the past so well.

This is just the view I have come to take and is working very well for me.

[jax01]

it's hard. sometimes I get confused about who's feelings are who's. my others mix in with we and I will have all kinds of feelings and I don't know what to say to my therapist. do I tell her some? none? all?

as far as advise goes? Go slow. and don't push. like they say "go fast slowly." you'll get farther faster if you go slow and steady, than if you go beyond your limits and then have to deal what happens then.
I learned this the hard way. I had serious nose dives into deep dark depressions, with Su, SI, episodes too. avoid this kind of thing if you can. because they suck.

[almostthere]

Your recent post, which I've just read, seems a littile vague. If u can elaborate just what u r trying to say I think I can give u some useful advice.

Regards,

"almostthere"

Originally Posted by Bloem

Accepting alters is difficult, that they are there seemed to be the only problem. Because they gave problems it was a fight a roller coaster of emotions. That I've forgot why they are there/here. Now there is some more calmness and space for everyone. Not all alters talk about fears and sadness but the little one does, not much but she speaks about what I want to forget. I did not realize that they also carry a painful story, my story, my trauma.
I thought I was wearing the painful story, but they wear pieces that I had forgotten or feelings I can not feel. I want to say 'that's not mine' stop talking about it, it hurts me.

I am afraid, can i handle this?
Some advice, support, experiences ?

Bloem

[GreyWolf1]

Originally Posted by tiggerandcrew

What helps me is to remember the hell they went through and why they were created. They got me through the trauma that I probably could not have coped with. It was the only way my mind could pull me through it. They took my place so that I could survive. For years I could forget some of the horid stuff but they kept it for me. Now as much as I would like to get rid of some stuff I don't want to face, I look at them and can not give more for a small child to handle. I figure it is time for me to start protecting and helping them just like I would a small neighbor child or my own child. I take at least some time each day to talk to each and either play or work with them. I don't like remembering or feeling what I had forgotten but better me than that internal child that has gone through so much and protected me in the past so well.

This is just the view I have come to take and is working very well for me.

Pretty much the way we see it.
"I" ignored for 40 years, but everything has limits and everything came flooding out. Always knew about Timmy, our 5 year old, as he was "ever present. That means not so much out or talk about what happened, but not letting me forget either.

Our system is unique and though we don't have a gatekeeper to control who comes out when, we manage because we know about each other, talk to each other and see each other (inside that is).

Parts, alters, (whatever you choose to call them) came "into being" (yeah, they were there all along, but "unknown") one at a time and we are very often co-conscious (thankfully) so don't lose a lot of time. This does not mean that we are just a happy family couse they do pop out and then "I" am inside in the dark losing time and money they are spending and and and.....

okay, ranting, sorry.....

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by tiggerandcrew

What helps me is to remember the hell they went through and why they were created. They got me through the trauma that I probably could not have coped with. It was the only way my mind could pull me through it. They took my place so that I could survive. For years I could forget some of the horid stuff but they kept it for me. Now as much as I would like to get rid of some stuff I don't want to face, I look at them and can not give more for a small child to handle. I figure it is time for me to start protecting and helping them just like I would a small neighbor child or my own child. I take at least some time each day to talk to each and either play or work with them. I don't like remembering or feeling what I had forgotten but better me than that internal child that has gone through so much and protected me in the past so well.

This is just the view I have come to take and is working very well for me.

Thank you for this comment Tiggerandcrew,

It's true, they took my place so I could survive, and it's not fair of me to look away from them. And that is now no longer possible. When I read your comment it made me think. The last thing I can do is to give them attention, they deserve it. I liked what you wrote about working with them. I try that now. Listen to them and read for the litle ones.
It's hard to know what they have went through and that they kept the stuff I could not handle. It is not nice to know that what I already knew is been worse
and that there is more to the trauma. but I think in order to heal i have to face their story and everything that comes with it.

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by almostthere

Your recent post, which I've just read, seems a littile vague. If u can elaborate just what u r trying to say I think I can give u some useful advice.

Regards,

"almostthere"

What I tried to say was; the more I know the reason of the alters, why they are there. what they kept for me how they protected me and reason why they protected me. I want to say that does not belong to me, it's not my story...it hurts too much. But it's my story....there is more to my trauma, which I thought I knew everything about. And that scares me.

[Claritytoo]

You are brave and embracing the others is the way to a peaceful mind.

[tiggerandcrew]

Bloem, You are very courageous and caring to face their trauma. Being open to listen to them and they will learn to trust you and let them into their world. Then you can help them, thereby helping yourself. Good Luck with your journey.