DiD and supressed memories

Here is my experience with "supressed memories". They were real and verified as much as they could be.

I trusted most of them because of the verfication process. However, I trusted them too due to the "feeling" of the time..."Oh, yes! There it is!" It was like finding that old picture that you'd put away and forgotten about then you find it and it's vivid and "real". All of that happening, though, with the sense they previously (and sometimes currently) they weren't "mine".

There were then some that felt dream-like, and I questioned those myself and put them back away until I could verify or they didn't feel dream-like. Several came back as full-fledged memories...like the picture that was put away.

When I solidified my trust in the supressed memories was when it came back to me about a doctor abusing me 8 yrs. prior. It was completely put away and held from me. When I remembered, I journaled what was remembered and realized there was a police report...EVERYTHING was in the report and more that I hadn't remembered. I then learned to trust everything that had come back to me; my therapist did as well. In fact, he pointed that out to me.

My therapist once said something early on...before the verifications..."the facts don't matter as much as what the person believes to be true. it's their truth that is effecting them and that needs to be addressed, whether it's completely factual or not." I agree with him. Unless there's plans for prosecution, the facts don't matter so much as dealing with what's perceived to be true. With me, there's truth mixed with the child's horrendous fears and perceptions. For instance, did it matter that the brother never did k*ll me? No. He'd convinced me he would and it was just a matter of "when". That needed to be dealt with...

KD

))))))))) ) )kd ((((((((

I would also like to address t's triggering intentionally. There were times that I thought my t was subtly doing that.

However, with me the emotions were stored separately from the "short clips" of the memories.

The emotions could only be "triggered" out and then they grew...boy, did they grow...like flood gates broken.

Anyhow, he let me make that decision myself. That required MUCH trust of him and myself. When we did that, the most healing occurred.

Before that though, I had to feel relatively safe in my current world, trust him, trust myself, and have memories that I could grab and know it turned out OK somehow today. It was alot of work, very difficult work but amazingly healing work.

KD

Thanks kimmydawn. I have a hard time thinking that I am going to remember something that I don't remeber at present - but I guess that is why they are called " supressed" memories.-everybody

the trouble with trusting a *feeling* that a 'memory' is veridial is that the scientific studies have shown that *feelings* of veridicality aren't a reliable indicator of veridicality.

when there is independent corroboration then that helps... but then 'memories' that are vague and diffused can have independent corroboration just like ones that feel veridical do.

and both can be inaccurate.

the trouble with saying 'it just depends on whether you believe it to be true' is that sometimes people are taken to court when they are innocent.

there was a case of a person with DID and her therapist (via hypnosis) *uncovered* the 'memory' that she had cannibalised and eaten over 100 people when she was a child. then there are cases of satanic ritual abuse... and of ufo abduction... therapists have lost their lisence to practice over such things....

and the false memory foundation has been started as a consequence of people being wrongly charged (though i'm sure the false memory foundation harbors a number of people who have been rightly accused it is an important foundation for people who have been wrongly accused)

memory... is a constructive process. there isn't such a thing as memory (in the sense of accessing facts from the past) so much as there is the PRESENT ACTIVITY of remembering... and each *remembering* distorts things as we narrate to make sense...

i lament the fact that there are therapists out there who don't understand very much of the scientific data on memory and remembering.

i lament the fact that there are therapists out there who don't educate their clients on the nature of memory and remembering (as we find from the best current scientific theories on that)

due to that...

DID will remain a controversial diagnosis.

it is a shame.

SRA will only be here for a little while longer - this is my firm belief. And all those who unrepentantly practice it will be destroyed. So I need just endure for "a little while longer and the wicked one will be no more."

The therapy I do in the mean time is just a temporary aid to help hold me together until then. And if and when I do remember satan - then I will know for myself . I already know that satanic ritual abuse exists and that human infants are sacrificed and that the worshippers will abuse young ones will the knowledge that that are creating mpd in that one. And yes they do eat their victims.
I understand that the world is blinded to this and that it goes on in secrecy and those who have been mind-controled by them are viewed as crazy - it's all part of the cover-up.
But everything is coming to it's end here now shortly and evrything will be openly exposed to Him with whom we have an accounting, YHWH.

Excellent. Great. That's what I am planning to do.

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees

though a CIA or FBI investigation was carried out...
a fairly extensive one...

and the upshot was...

no evidence of SRA was found.

but...

therapists were sued for their role in having patients come to believe that that was the best explanation for their distress...

lisences to practice were lost...

I for one know that satanic ritual abuse does exist and so does cannibalism. I for one was part of that type of abuse until 4 years ago. I was 32 years old when I was able to be freed from that abuse and torture. It does happen and does exist. With the false memory stuff started to happen, it made the victims more damaged because no one believed them. I went through the type of abuse for over 32 years. I know some of the stuff that happened to me, but not all. It isn't something that I could carry all alone. That is why I have alters, to help carry the burden that I have went through. I no longer will sit by and allow someone to say that my experience, my life didn't happen. I know for sure that it happened and it does exist. If someone doesn't believe that it happened, than that is their's to deal with. I no longer am will to sacrafice my knowing, my life, for no one.

Edited to say, also I don't have nothing to prove to anyone. I'm not going to go sue anyone or anything. My T believes me and is working with me. She knows that it exist and that there are people out there in the world that want nothing other than to hurt others.

Ritual abuse in ANY religion, profession and so on DOES exist. in fact many professionals have now droppeed the word satainic, christian, baptist and so on from the label of Ritual abuse because professionals, police and so on now know that ANY abuse that is done in the same way every time is considered a ritualistic abuse,

Rituals exist not only in satanic, look at how the catholic religion has been in the news so much recently with bishops and so on requiring their victims to have sex with them a certain way or diring a certain situation where they would be alone with their victims. Also Rituals dont happen just in sexual abuse crimes. serail murderers, burgulars and so on are also sometimes considered ritual crimes because the criminals have a set MO (mode of operation).

There is definatly no question that Ritual Abuse does happen. its just not always and strickly related to satanic religion now. and when it happens in a religion it is so much harder to prove that it happened.

I understand. I've been through SRA as well as religious abuse. By day one way by night another. Yes it is a very hard thing to prove because there are so many out there that are blinded by the truth. I don't know how many times people would say to me, oh you have such a wonderful family. They were blinded by what they saw and didn't want to see nor hear what was really going on. I don't care anymore. I am not here to prove what happened to me to anyone. If people don't believe it, then it is on them. I know what happened to me and no one can change my mind any other way. All my life I was controlled by someone and being told what was real wasn't really real. I know what was real. I know the abuse, the torture, the being forced to do things to others, the murders, the sacrafices, etc. Those are real. They did happen and no one can make me think otherwise. It was hidden for so many years in my life and I won't hide it again from no one. Not to protect anyone's feelings because it is too difficult to understand or accept. It is real and it did happen to me. Take it or leave it.

*Sorry everyone. Just really outraged right now with a lot of stuff in my life. - Venting. *

*Edited to say that most therapist don't even like to use the word cult because the government nor legal officals want to even think that such a thing happens. What outrage it causes. For me it makes me stronger and wanting to fight harder for my rights and my healing.*

I TOTALLY BELIEVE YOU.

I am not here to prove what happened to me to anyone. If people don't believe it, then it is on them. I know what happened to me and no one can change my mind any other way. All my life I was controlled by someone and being told what was real wasn't really real. I know what was real.

It was hidden for so many years in my life and I won't hide it again from no one. Not to protect anyone's feelings because it is too difficult to understand or accept. It is real and it did happen to me. Take it or leave it.



You go girlfriend!

Thanks Petunia. Means a lot.

Off topic........a few of my littles have been trying to figure out how to talk to you the past few days but haven't been able to. I showed them how, but still don't seem to figure it out. So maybe sometime when your free and can go into support chat with me, they can talk to you?

Thanks for saying that. I appreciate it.

the issue isn't whether anyone believes you or not the issue is working though the rememberings that are occuring in the present and the flashbacks that are occuring in the present and what parts of you are saying that is occurring in the present.

truth or falsity is besides the point.

I don't appreciate this post nor the one's prior. I won't take it anymore. It is disrespectful to me. Please do not respond to me anymore. Thank you.

Woundedhearts,

I SOOO understand the need, the deep-seeded need, for belief. It was the biggest fear that kept me from talking, but the largest need that urged me to talk. I knew I was believed when my ex-therapist felt mandated to report the abuse. Someone believed me. The ugly, incredible words were spoken and for the first time someone said, "How horrible. I'm so sorry." It was the sweetest pain I'd ever known.

It was the beginning of much for me. Yes, feeling and knowing that we're believed is paramount.

I personally got hung up on detailed facts and that's when t said, "It didn't matter so much." It DID matter that he believed.

KD

The need for belief for me was so strong at one point in time. It isn't as much so anymore. I don't care if other's believe what happened to me or the things that I went through exist. I have come to the point that I am not here to satisfy and please everyone. If they don't believe me then so be it. I just don't want anything forced down my throat that things don't exist. I will stand up for what I feel is right. I know that talking about certain things and stuff is not to be discussed here as far as believing that it exist. The way that some people talk about stuff, puts it as it doesn't exist and what has happened to me never did. I don't care about if they believe me. I'm just standing in my trust and expressing myself just like they do. I have that right just as well as anyone else does. If they don't like the way that I am, then that is their issue not mine.

Let me reframe...

It was important to me that this special (or some special) person believed me...not everyone.

I'm glad you are able to stand in what you know.

KD

Exactly.

right on

Thanks Kimmy. I am struggling right now with a great deal of stuff and trying to muddle through all this mess to try to make sense of what I am trying to say and put it down in a way that stands up for myself. My whole life no one stood up for me and now I have to take that stand. No matter how much I feel that I am falling away to the way side, I have to stand up for me, for what I feel is right, and for what I know is true.

I understand about the believing. I truly do. It was a struggle and it has just become recently that I am not as concerned about what others believe. I know what happened and that is the most important thing to me and my parts. After all, who is the most important person in my life but myself? No one. Just me, myself, and all my I's.

Thanks.

((((((((Everybody)))))))))

I agree with Wanttoheal. Every T is different and they employ a therapuetic technique that works best for the idividual client, and for the individual alter. I know my T is eclectic in his approach when dealing with different alters. After all, they are as individual as we are.

Sometimes, my T does try to trigger me but that is only after I've triggered myself by something he said. If we don't look under the bandage, we can't clean out the wound.

Each person is different, each T is different, we all do what we need to do to survive. As T always says: take what you can use, and leave behind what you can't use.

Best Wishes,
Anne