apart from the usual not sleeping, flashback crap, our sister's been here today to use our internet. (so we've virtually had no conection all day)

she's gone now- and i'm taking the oppotunity to post on here.

ugg we hate when people use their i phones because our internet won't work alongside that. so soon as someone has a phone signal, we've got no connection.

oh yeah, and we have a head ache too.

our budgie has done nothing all day but scream at the top of it's voice. (and only now deciding to be quiet)

[Georgia Bridge]

Afternoon, Shattered!... don't understand the technical stuff... maybe since budgie has calmed your headache will go away... I hope you have the time to get some rest.💝.

Originally Posted by Georgia Bridge

Afternoon, Shattered!... don't understand the technical stuff... maybe since budgie has calmed your headache will go away... I hope you have the time to get some rest.��.

rest?

what's that again....

nah, really. struggle with it so bad

we finished our christmas list last night, and we decided that each week we're going to order a few items from it (and for once actually try to be sensible with money). that will be hard!.

we know it's only august, but we've had such a crap year- failing health, lack of support, missed oppotunities, etc.. it's time we did something for ourselves. we've done nothing for our selves this year at all. (no really, our self care's gone totaly out the window!)

then later our mother called to give us all another round of abuse that upset and stressed out for the rest of the night.

i won't say what she said because she's just so cruel. but yeah. it ruined our evening

[Georgia Bridge]

Woke up to nightmare... dad was yanking younger brother out of car telling him he had to walk... doesn't sound that bad, i guess, unless you knew him... I feel nauseous.

Originally Posted by Georgia Bridge

Woke up to nightmare... dad was yanking younger brother out of car telling him he had to walk... doesn't sound that bad, i guess, unless you knew him... I feel nauseous.

(((((Georgia Bridge))))

that sounds pretty scary

[Georgia Bridge]

Zooks! Peer support specialist referring me to new psychiatric team today... the familiar people will all be gone after today. I one who decided to leave because of meanie-headed therapist. Don't much have no one close that gets it,... so like jump into unknown.

Originally Posted by Georgia Bridge

Zooks! Peer support specialist referring me to new psychiatric team today... the familiar people will all be gone after today. I one who decided to leave because of meanie-headed therapist. Don't much have no one close that gets it,... so like jump into unknown.

Here's to hoping therapy goes much better with the new team.

[Fuzzybear]

fuzzy paws

These are difficult times, nothing routine here. The future so uncertain, the lines are blurred. The road turned left is only an illusion for it really turned right, lost. I still will take a step to wherever it goes.

[Georgia Bridge]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

These are difficult times, nothing routine here. The future so uncertain, the lines are blurred. The road turned left is only an illusion for it really turned right, lost. I still will take a step to wherever it goes.

Wherever we are, it is the only place from which we we can move at all; I will also take a step to wherever it goes.

Of course, things are changing. Things that use to matter doesn't matter any more. Focus is being redirected and priorities are being reset. What was important for a moment are now not as.

This is for the survival of our system. We must thrive. If we thrive, then everyone else thrives. We've always have been the crux of the real.

I'm so much in the know today which means the future is now fresh ground. Life is an adventure. I've been bogged down with concern of us...time to try to move on...at least I will try with all involved.

Fake it till you make it is the battle cry. I need a dream and for all to embrace the same, then we are synced.

The alternative is a chasm of despair for I see the fires brimming.

On your marks, get set, gooooo!

[Georgia Bridge]

Stitches being taken out today!👻.

[Willowtrees]

As a lesbian, i have to go through the drs office, answer a bunch of questions about my sexual history, and start birth control because a male alter won't stop having sex with men. And of course im stuck doing this, not him, and Im stuck with remembering everything hes done. I feel degraded and humiliated. I wonder if thats the point.

The Life.

[Patagonia]

One little trigger yday. One little quirk that didn't match up. Bells& whistles went off in my head. Bad. Something bad.
Then it just escalated till I couldn't hear myself & I knew what was happening but couldn't fix it.
That was the worst part. Telling myself to prepare for the worst knowing the feelings that were going to come.
Almost made me physically ill.

Some days r not worth getting out of bed for. Rather pull the sheets over my head & hide. Alone

[Ellahmae]

Hate it when I'm talking and I can't do anything about what's coming out of my mouth.

[Ellahmae]

I just want it to go away. I want them to leave. I want to disappear.

not much has happened since we last checked on this thread.

still no update on our grandad (though no news is good news, right?)

sleep has been next to none (because of the flashbacks, the helusinating, etc)

we've been missing rooteen because of our time confusion- we think we've missed day, but we actually havon't- or the day is not yet here, but it is.. you get my drift

but hanging in their

almost forgot to say we're really looking forward to the start of autumn.

cooler weather is better for us

We actually had some hard work kick in. We either are working or sleeping because it's been a while. It's also hot outside...eeeewwwww. Sweat.

My body hurts

But, I really can't complain too much, we're making money finally and getting out. I just hate what it's doing to my nails and skin. I've got sunburn.

[Kiya]

:/ new t said she wouldn't take crisis calls: "Maybe one or two from you...we'd have to try it out and see if it worked... but I won't take calls from your alters. I have to protect my life".
I wouldn't be making calls.... the others are the ones who get in to crisis. I told her not to bother - I wouldn't call. period.
I don't know why I bother to waste my time. Yet another t who after 8 sessions hasn't managed to remember the names of my 2 other selves who present (10 and 22), and can't tell if I switch or not. now won't take calls.
Do I ask for too much?
I didn't call when I was in crisis and went inpatient - I just let her know where I was and that I'd have to cancel. We'd never discussed what she wanted in terms of crisis, so I didn't call...
She starts late, ends early... and I get the luxury of paying for parking downtown. Hell, she fell asleep in my last session - then went to the bathroom.

[Vanilla Cake]

Checking in. I'm ok. Bit of stress this morning but Nr5 managed to solve the problem and also calm my daughter. One of the children got hold of my smokes last night. I generally hide them because there are days when I wake up and things have been moved around. Because there's no all-night store close to me, I made sure I hid them well. But somebody was looking. I woke up this morning with the cigarette pack on the bedside table next to my water. With only one cigarette in it. Immediately I started looking inside for the culprit when a thought popped in - look in your hand- my left hand, I'm right handed. Anyway there was the second one.

Because I have not met everybody yet, I don't know who the voice belonged to, but she must know the child if she saw what he did. And I'm pretty sure it's a boy, you just get that male vibe coming from him.

My alters decided not to name themselves because by the time we all understood our problem we also understood we were part of a whole. Thus the numbers, but this little boy is an exception. It seems he wants a name even if he only comes out when the main outside alters are asleep. Wasp is the word that keeps popping into my head. So I think he wants to be called wasp. Why? I don't know.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Kiya

:/ new t said she wouldn't take crisis calls: "Maybe one or two from you...we'd have to try it out and see if it worked... but I won't take calls from your alters. I have to protect my life".
I wouldn't be making calls.... the others are the ones who get in to crisis. I told her not to bother - I wouldn't call. period.
I don't know why I bother to waste my time. Yet another t who after 8 sessions hasn't managed to remember the names of my 2 other selves who present (10 and 22), and can't tell if I switch or not. now won't take calls.
Do I ask for too much?
I didn't call when I was in crisis and went inpatient - I just let her know where I was and that I'd have to cancel. We'd never discussed what she wanted in terms of crisis, so I didn't call...
She starts late, ends early... and I get the luxury of paying for parking downtown. Hell, she fell asleep in my last session - then went to the bathroom.

no kiya you dont ask for too much. one time I was upset when a treatment provider would not accept calls from my alters. i took the time to ask her why. she told me that with a system like mine where there were violent alters comes a legality of what treatment providers can and cant do. they have to set firm boundaries so that alter who may be a danger to their self and others can not harm the therapist or others.

one of the examples my therapist used is lets say a violent alter called and made threats of harm to their self or others including the therapist. the therapist is a mandated reporter. that means if someone called her after hours and threatened suicide, self injury or made other threats the therapist had no choice but to call the police. she would rather work with me one on one during therapy than to have to call the police after hours.

Another example my treatment provider used was that being on the phone dealing with a crisis is like being online with someone who is making threats of harming oneself or others. you cant see them so theres no way to know what is actually going on and whether they have actually already harmed their self or others. and in the event of a major crisis theres no way that a treatment provider can hop out of bed, get dressed and meet the client somewhere neutral and private to work on the threat of harm to oneself or others. that person can just drop the phone, walk away from the phone, hang up and do what ever anyway. her point when dealing with a crisis by phone theres no way of knowing which way positive or negative that phone call is going to go.

not sure if Im remembering right but if you are the one with the violent alter that bites that may be why she is setting such strict boundaries. maybe she is afraid that if this alter doesnt like how the phone call is going they will act out by biting you or others that may be around at the moment.

maybe you and your treatment provider can talk about boundaries and what that treatment provider considers a crisis. maybe you and her definition of a crisis are different. you can also talk about the what if you call with a crisis whats going to happen. this way maybe you will be more comfortable with how and why your treatment provider is setting such strict boundaries as not accepting phone calls from your alters, only from you when you are able to be the one in control.

Originally Posted by Vanilla Cake

Checking in. I'm ok. Bit of stress this morning but Nr5 managed to solve the problem and also calm my daughter. One of the children got hold of my smokes last night. I generally hide them because there are days when I wake up and things have been moved around. Because there's no all-night store close to me, I made sure I hid them well. But somebody was looking. I woke up this morning with the cigarette pack on the bedside table next to my water. With only one cigarette in it. Immediately I started looking inside for the culprit when a thought popped in - look in your hand- my left hand, I'm right handed. Anyway there was the second one.

Because I have not met everybody yet, I don't know who the voice belonged to, but she must know the child if she saw what he did. And I'm pretty sure it's a boy, you just get that male vibe coming from him.

My alters decided not to name themselves because by the time we all understood our problem we also understood we were part of a whole. Thus the numbers, but this little boy is an exception. It seems he wants a name even if he only comes out when the main outside alters are asleep. Wasp is the word that keeps popping into my head. So I think he wants to be called wasp. Why? I don't know.

thanks for checking in. glad you're okay

i hope you get to figure out about this alter "wasp"

my success of the day (even though i've not got any sleep), is that i've not had any flashbacks for 2 nights in a row now. sort of a record.

apart from that things are quiet here.

still know word on my grandad, and i really must ring up about that

[Patagonia]

Alls quiet on the Western front! Can parts just up & disappear? I feel so lonely. No conversations to monitor in my head.
Everyone is in deep mourning.
Silence