[Patagonia]

I put a trigger warning on here bec I wanto be very specific & blunt. I need blunt answers in return to understand this.
I have ddnos & experience co consciousness. I have a part that has been coming out more & more. It's triggered due to sex & I've become more & more sexually active so this part I guess feels like it can take over more & more.
Problem is I enjoy when she takes over. She does things I never would but I do experience great satisfaction thru her. She's like an alter ego. Sometimes very sassy, cheeky & dominant where as I wod say I'm more submissive. It's starting to get a bit confusing & a bit of a challenge for my partner to understand. There's such big changes or swings of emotions it gets confusing to him. It also happens extremely fast. I can feel it coming on.
So do I let this happen & enjoy it. Do I try to reign it in & do more grounding to keep myself present & this other part away or do I just...run with it. I'm very confused.
Thanks for your help!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I put a trigger warning on here bec I wanto be very specific & blunt. I need blunt answers in return to understand this.
I have ddnos & experience co consciousness. I have a part that has been coming out more & more. It's triggered due to sex & I've become more & more sexually active so this part I guess feels like it can take over more & more.
Problem is I enjoy when she takes over. She does things I never would but I do experience great satisfaction thru her. She's like an alter ego. Sometimes very sassy, cheeky & dominant where as I wod say I'm more submissive. It's starting to get a bit confusing & a bit of a challenge for my partner to understand. There's such big changes or swings of emotions it gets confusing to him. It also happens extremely fast. I can feel it coming on.
So do I let this happen & enjoy it. Do I try to reign it in & do more grounding to keep myself present & this other part away or do I just...run with it. I'm very confused.
Thanks for your help!

short version someone having sex with another with out their consent is called rape. according to my therapist that also includes being mentally or physically unable to give that consent.

We could not stop my sexualized alters from engaging in what they found enjoyable or did because of the abuse and programming. So we had to find a way for my partner/ wife to know when it was ok and when it wasnt and exactly what activities I give my consent to even in times of being dissociated. this entails talking with each other, developing a plan of whats ok and whats not, when its ok and when its not,....boundary/rule setting stuff that even normal people who engage in rough sex or alternate sex should do to ensure safety and not accidentally slipping into what could be illegal in each persons location. We also set up a safe word that any one involved can say at any time that would signal its time to stop.

if you are looking for laws and such America is big on consent and yet allowing americans to feel free to practice any sexual activity they want, just like americans can practice any religion or political party.. as long as concent is involved...

therapeutically sorry I cant tell you whether you should allow it or ground yourself. only you and your treatment providers can say that.

for me and my partner/wife we allowed it with boundaries and rules.

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I put a trigger warning on here bec I wanto be very specific & blunt. I need blunt answers in return to understand this.
I have ddnos & experience co consciousness. I have a part that has been coming out more & more. It's triggered due to sex & I've become more & more sexually active so this part I guess feels like it can take over more & more.
Problem is I enjoy when she takes over. She does things I never would but I do experience great satisfaction thru her. She's like an alter ego. Sometimes very sassy, cheeky & dominant where as I wod say I'm more submissive. It's starting to get a bit confusing & a bit of a challenge for my partner to understand. There's such big changes or swings of emotions it gets confusing to him. It also happens extremely fast. I can feel it coming on.
So do I let this happen & enjoy it. Do I try to reign it in & do more grounding to keep myself present & this other part away or do I just...run with it. I'm very confused.
Thanks for your help!

Couple of possibilities here, either this part feels safe enough and trusts your partner enough to be who she is and enjoy it.

Or (read with care) this part was the one that saved you in previous sexual abuse experiences. You will need to remind yourself that you are safe now, yes she can enjoy the 'here and now' experiences but be aware that it might bring up some memories for you that were previously hidden.

Share with T if you can.

My alter is Barbie, and she's a sex fiend. She loves it I love it. Don't sweat it. All my exes love her too!

[flockpride]

You didn't say there was lack of consent, only confusion about submissive and dominant behavior. Right? And that your partner finds the swing between the two energies confusing.

That makes sense. My experience includes the presence of sexualities. They can't really be expressing at the same time and they feel very, very different. They are very different.

People without DID or dissociative disorders can like different things also.

I get tired of my partner seeing everything she is uncomfortable with in me as DID. Sometimes her own history and baggage are factors.

Even if stuff is DID, our partners have their own issues also. It's complicated stuff, this DID in relationship.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I put a trigger warning on here bec I wanto be very specific & blunt. I need blunt answers in return to understand this.
I have ddnos & experience co consciousness. I have a part that has been coming out more & more. It's triggered due to sex & I've become more & more sexually active so this part I guess feels like it can take over more & more.
Problem is I enjoy when she takes over. She does things I never would but I do experience great satisfaction thru her. She's like an alter ego. Sometimes very sassy, cheeky & dominant where as I wod say I'm more submissive. It's starting to get a bit confusing & a bit of a challenge for my partner to understand. There's such big changes or swings of emotions it gets confusing to him. It also happens extremely fast. I can feel it coming on.
So do I let this happen & enjoy it. Do I try to reign it in & do more grounding to keep myself present & this other part away or do I just...run with it. I'm very confused.
Thanks for your help!

I think this is a very important conversation to have with your therapist. If this behavior is distressful to your partner that should be a concern. Also if it is upsetting up others in your system that need to be considered. But in a relationship you will be having sexually intimate times. Sex is a normal part of a relationship. If possible I think it would be good for your relationship for you to have an open conversation about your concerns. Also if what you are saying is that sometimes your partner isn't interested but you push the sexual encounter on him, that would be a problem. And most all of us know how that feels. So I would suggest that you discuss this with your therapist and also take time to openly discuss this with your partner. Set limits and stick to them. Take care.

[amandalouise]

just wanted to clarify something in my post...where I stated here where I live having sex without consent is rape....I wasnt saying you were being raped patagonia. I put that in my post because of your post wording.....

"She does things I never would"

if you were here in my state this statement would be considered to be not giving consent while being mentally impaired (dissociated). it would be called having sex without consent (rape). only you can say whether this would be called rape in your own location.

another suggestion maybe you can contact your police department to ask them. here the police are very willing to answer generalized information gathering questions. we even have a non emergency line so that those who want information like this dont tie up the the emergency phones.

Another suggestion maybe your treatment provider can help you more with this by explaining to you what this would be in your location and how to fix this sometimes with people who have co consciousness writing a note or thinking/talking inside can also help you to let your partner know what is ok and what isnt ok to do during these moments.

[Patagonia]

Thank you everyone for your posts & the help you've given me. This is such a touchy area & I hope it helps shine a light on the subject for others.
What I'm saying is I love this alter ego type part that comes out when I'm sexually arroused. There is sexual consent, I know that was a question, but she's different in her sexual exploration where I'm not. Just things I haven't really thought of doing....she's all pushing the limits to do it. I go along w/everything bec...well she's fun!
But I think my partner knows this & is starting to be aware of this "switch" to the point that I feel it's invoked on purpose to get this other part out. I have to say I can't blame him bec....well again she's fun.

But am I, Patagonia getting lost in it? I don't really fit in & for me it's like always watching a movie of myself. I almost feel....cheated in a way. Is this other person interested in me? Or this other part? And is this other part starting to take over more & more on purpose to get what it wants.
Can I the "host" be pushed entirely out by another "part." Can that part become the host then?
It makes me very confused.

I haven't been able to talk to my T about this bec we've had a major fall out over difference in opinion & I'm not sure I wanto discuss this with her. She seems to focus on the wrong thing.

[A Red Panda]

Can you perhaps talk to your partner about it? After all, if your partner is becoming aware of it then they may as well fully become aware of it, so that they can help reassure you that it's YOU they're with?