thinking about giving up

I am really considering just giving up right now. I don't mean on life, I just mean trying to get better and all of that other stuff. Though I am living in an assisted living place, I am thinking that I may move out, I am thinking this because well I am tired of some things and I feel guilty for something. The person that I am the closest to hasn't been here for awhile and I am afraid that she either got fired or quit because of me. I am afraid of these things because she is the one that has been helping me the most. Some of the people here don't agree with her helping me and they have not been so nice. So this is my fear and if it is true than I am just going to throw in the towel on all of this. I sometimes wonder if that is the best thing to do anyway. I really am hurt right now. Especially since no one has told me. If she did quit, why didn't anyone tell me? It's only going to make things worse by not telling me. Really it is. I also have discussed this with one of my parts who was close to her. He said if she quit than the agreement is no longer any good. He made an agreement with her to no longer hurt me as long as she helped him. And if she is gone than he will go back. So this is really not a good thing. Especially to not tell me anything about all of this. I'm sorry for this, but I needed a way to express how I feel especially since no one here seems to want to talk to me anymore.

Jennifer

jennifer1084,

You all need to sort this out. Is there anyone there you could ask whats going on. Please hang in there

((((((jennifer)))))) you have been doing some good work. Don't give up. I'm sorry you lost a close friend who has been helping you. While you are figuring out what happened, maybe we all can help you along. Feel free to reach out (and pm me ) whenever you need. I'd love to get to know you.

ev

Facilities often try to keep administrative issues separate from patient concerns. I would certainly ask...and push for an answer by giving your explanation (well, no, not the descriptive one..but something to show it's just not a casual questioning.)

Maybe she's ill and discussing it would be a breach of privacy to them?

((((Jennifer))))

I hope you dont give up too, I agree that perhaps talking to someone there may be helpful, but keep posting when you can Jennifer.

Thank you all. I have been having a rough time. I did find out that she took a leave of absence, so that makes me feel a little better. I ended up going to the hospital on Sunday, though I wasn't there very long, not ever 24 hours. They trust me there to know what I need and stuff, so that is good. I am just very concerned about this law enforcement thing. The place I am living at told me that next time that there is a problem they are going to call law enforcement. I really don't think that is what I need. Well anyway, thank you all again for you support and kindness.

Jennifer

I am considering this yet again. Tonight has just really really sucked and I think that maybe it may have set me back. The problem is that there is this rule I guess that the staff can only talk to those parts who have a history of hurting me. All the others they are not supposed to talk to. This was brought to my attention before and I talked to my T about it, she didn't think it was good. So she talked to the head person and the head person denied that she said it. But I guess it's still how they are doing it, either this head person is lying or someone started this rule. I don't know it's just when they ignore some parts, especially the little ones, they get very upset and it is not good. It sets my system into chaos. Am I wrong for being upset about this? Besides that one of my parts who has a history of hurting me came out and talked to this staff person. They did have a very good relationship and she helped him to stop hurting me. But because of all this tonight he got upset and now he's not going to talk to her, he says she doesn't care and that I need to quit talking to her too. This also has created an upheaval inside. Any thoughts, words of encouragement, advice, anythting really would help.

Jennifer

{{{{{Jennifer}}}}} please don't give up !!!

Our son lives in assisted accomodation too, & sometimes it really sucks

They don't REALLY want to deal with problems, let alone alters, if it is like where our son lives

We always found it was better to deny having alters, & say we had a bad temper or a bad memory or whatever

You are not wrong to be upset about this, but it may be the best you can hope for, from ppl who are not DID

Don't let it stop what is happening inside, that is the important stuff !!!!

Integration will happen when it happens, imo therapy doesn't help that bit much, but therapy can help the seperate parts, if you can find a therapist that will deal with you on that basis (not easy)

Having a male alter is hard, we have one called Peter.

Any communication, even if it's conflict, between the insiders is GOOD !!!

Forget those ppl who "think they know"

If the male alter doesn't want to talk, let him not talk.

Follow you're instincts in this, let the alters who want to talk, talk, & let the ones who don't feel like talking be free of that burden.

Keep on keeping on, sweetie,

Some people have a hard time accepting the dx of DID. I think it is because they dont want to know that we all have parts of our selves and that it could happen. I think the fact that childabuse can be so bad that someone splits into parts it freaks them out. Especially mental health workers in group homes. i dont think alot of them know what they are doing with DID and i think it can make a person worse by being there, unless of course they find someone who they can talk to and feel comfortable with. May be it would be better if you were able to just talk to your T about the self harming issue that others want to do . may be you can just call crisis or something that understands.
Good luck.

Thank you, really. I have thought about moving out, there's so much going on here and well I do not get along with one of the head people. She is not very nice to me and is switching my words around to other people. she is also lying about stuff. I guess we are going to have a meeting on Monday with my T. My T thinks this is a good place for me. Otherwise all I would do is stay with my parents again and well be alone all of the time, especially now since I have quit my job. Well again, thank you for responding.

Jennifer

((( Jennifer )))

Hope all is well. If you're reading please check in.