Some of you

May have run into me in chat. (possible triggers) not sure? I am a bit lost. Looking for guidance from others. I am 47 years old and most definetly DID, one of my biggest issues is that in our society locally they do not believe in DID as a treatable problem. They have told me in the past to "integrate" as one of my alters can get pretty mad. She took over and I had a black out. This was something I had truly never done before. It frightened me and I agreed to it.

Now here I sit 5 years later realizing that the attempted "integration" actually spawned 2 more if not more alters. I was horrified to realize recently it was an alter who left my partner of 16 years as she could not cope in a relationship having issues and ran away.

I didn't even realize another alter had taken over 5 years ago returned to my spouse and despertly made a life with him. NOW due to a death (a trigger) for me my best most capable alter has come out. I cycle slowly and I am thankful for that. HOWEVER I had never conciously realized that alters were taking over for longer periods or that it was okay to have them. What I new was so little in the grand scheme of what some of you know.

I picked the Nick Weareone, as I want to accept my DID and move on I want to learn to live with it like I have other issues in my life and not stress anymore. I have questions like, Does anyone KNOW all their alters? Can your wardrobe be variable enough without taking up too apartments? SIGH. How do I sort this out and make this easier without tearing my family apart. My alter currently running things is a bit of a drinker, BUT he does not suffer from menierres, severe diabetes, but has more pain issues and hes a bit of a tough male individual. I as jake am very happy to be back. I found myself looking at the town I lived in like I had never been here most of my memory of where I have been and done things in the last5-7 years poof gone. But core memories remain is that normal? and is there such a thing as NORMAL with DID?

So many questions and NO idea who to ask?

hi.

welcome to PC.

i hope that you find what you're looking for!

thanks Shattered Sanity.

Hi weareone! Welcome and your in the right place. I'm 47 years old too! I spent most of it in denial thinking that it would just go away. Looking back on my life, I can see where a different alter hosted that part of life. I barely have memories, just random dreamy snapshots of moments. It isn't until that particular alter steps up before its memories come back. I'm co conscience, aware of other alters. I've listed 25 named alters and plenty other no name ones. We collaborate and talk and discuss what we need to do for the system. A lot of times though it's a hung jury. We all are united for the benefit of the body....at least most of us are...anyways. No names -_- The system has a comfort buffer that we agree to not cross regarding public image. Even private life we keep private.

I hope to hear more of your story and hope that you find what you're looking for.

I gave my alters, differentiating names based on the fact I simply thought they were "splinters of my ONE personality," my counselors all felt they were over developed personality traits. But older and wiser and learning, I am finding out that I have actually continued to foster more alters because of denying the others very existence. I had given my alters "names" based on traits. Child, teen, Moma, HIM and how can I forget Tiger? I also have the interesting trait that all of me are bisexual as my body is female. Him or Jake the male personality that is so handy so strong so opinionated, He tends to put his foot up peoples butts on a regular basis. and He escalated the whole situation about 10 weeks ago by re-emerging when I had the need of his strength and information. Jake has NO urge to go back, He is having fun and is very much disturbed that his things are now missing and its pissing him off. Learning to talk about my "splinters" as individuals is a bit daunting, accepting who I am and the difference in me is a bit disturbing. and it is bugging one of my room mates as Jake doesn;t like her, momma doesn't like her at all and my room mates crap isn't tolerated when she picks on someone weaker or younger than her.

Yes. I had named ones from back when I was 15. When I took a roll call when I got out of denial, all the names cameback the same from 32 years ago. I was having flashbacks. But since their is so many we have decided to go with the job they perform, like Mr Driving Ace is a racer while Mrs. driving Ace drives like a drivers Ed teacher, perfect. We have Mr Mechanic which does under the hood work while Mrs. Mechanic takes care of the interior.

I create alters by just watching someone, if that makes sense. There was a girl in the hospital that so intrigued me that I soon became her.

We had a battle for host control the other day. Steven versus Suzie. I felt like I was convulsing. Well we solved that situation. Susie gets the online in home stuff, and Steven gets the taking care of business stuff. The rest just does their job when needed, until life says hey, need something new.

Because I was triggered I think from major Medical Trauma I can not doubt that the two who emerged were Jake and MOMMA, Jake is a happy go lucky comedian, A male flirt with almost a swagger, He imitates my dads stance, my fathers charm and white while being impish and having a blast, drinking too much flirting too much, Slapping people with Foam articles when it is funny and wise butt cracking jokes, But if it comes to cars, male clothing, and swagger when angry its all about Jake and him putting the individual who has wronged his family in their place. The event which I recall out of all my memories is my 7 year old self I woke after having an epileptic siezure in a hospital. I remember the green walls and ceiling clearly a doctors name was called clearly on the too loud intercom. The next thimg I remember is 5 Adults trying to hold me down and a sixth coming at me with a HUGE honking sized needle. I never KNEW this trauma this feeling of being so social out cast at school No family being near me and being totally alone to cope with being sick. As my parents were not near by, I never knew till a week ago that this clear memory that erradicates 98% of my childhood into black could have been my trigger. It has taken me aback to learn I wasn't JUST hiding from something I couldn't remember but that this memory was crystal clear in all our minds. Things gel again memory wise when my father informed me that my mother was working on being a very serious alcohollic and I had to buck up, take over the house cleaning and etc because she wasn't doing it. I am certain that is when MOMA popped out again. She could cope clean fix things and was very very good at it by 13 I could run a house better than my own Mother. and by 15 as loss after loss rippled through my life. My alters got a populatoin boost. I needed seemless, I NEEDED people in me who could deal with social situations and not fall apart as their feelings were hurt so my alters were born, situation, after situation. A thriving teenager for school, a momma who cooked dinner cleaned and cared for my ill brother and family. HIM/Jake who was dads best helper who could chop wood, stoke a fire, help with fixing up a house, do plumbing so so many tasks. And Tiger my sexuality a bouncey charming growing woman who was a blast. and who knew how to please a man and use my alters to charm him. and finally Child she came when I started baby sitting she played with toddlers putted cars and my little could use momma or the others to take the time to get everything done in between and not feel sad that she was enjoying living.

by seamless I mean each alter had its place and knew where it should be and when it should be out. and by being seamless they weren't caught out they were never ridiculed and knew where to be and when as that was why they were and are needed. Now I find myself with extra alters spawned by circumstances other than my basic needs. Alters who evolved to cope with being caught and trying to fix things one destructive to my relationship and scared to death the other despertly trying to heal me and fix it all including erradicating the items the other alters value, with this conflict, what the heck do I do? How do you settle the new alter in with the others without finding yourself 2000 miles away living as some other person 10 years missing and wondering how the heck you got in toledo when your from florida originally? It's the OMG I changed and poof wandered off that scares me. How do I feel safe again? That one of me wont' wreck my life?

Can you make body rules with your alters? Take a notebook and write them down? Are you able to talk to them? We were starting to get unruly again, so we laid out some ground rules, like who hosts when and where, whose in charge of what, the body is to go in this direction, and can we all get along. Granted I have a few rebels that like to do what they want to do but I also have alters that keeps them in their place, unless something stupid happens like I lose control because I drank too much then they jump out there and I have to play damage control the next day.

Haven't had to play damage control EXCEPT for the break up 5 years ago. and I hurt HIM so bad I am still kissing butt making it up to him. I think he is relieved because it was only recently that we both came to the conclusion that ONE alter left and a different more capable all around alter returned to him 6 months later. That capable person stepped aside knowingly so Jake could take over and handle the death of a deal male friend and his grieving widow and her childrens needs. Jake has done a spectacular job and is thoroughly happy to be out again. And compared to the other less capable alters who all have their place to appear and then vanishing, we are all considering making him the leader of the pack, We worry less and have more fun with him around. Although, LOL he abhors house work isn't much of an organizer and needs to work on that LOL

Ya. I'm the online alter. Everything changes in the morning after the 2nd cup of coffee. We're always changing. Too much to deal with. I don't stay one ego for long. It would be nice, I guess. I have fun on these forums, the others not so much, so I get to play on here! But tomorrow Steven takes over and runs the business end of life. He and I are like total opposites. He can't cook, nor can I, but that's not my job. I couldn't tell ya anything that he's got to deal with, I just know he does.

Just wondering if you live within driving distance of a large city. There are more and more therapists who are trained to treat DID but you have to call them to find out. I have DID also and difficulty functioning with the anxiety. But, luckily there are a couple of dozen T's an hour away from me. The younger ones are most likely to be up on the humane, compassionate techniques.
I first had to face it that I must be helpful and accepting of my alters, and I had to know the T would have that compassion, too or the alters wouldn't even show up for therapy. It helps so much to have a therapist who never rushes you, who can support you and help with your feelings directly, in person. The purpose of therapy is to help cooperation so you feel better and have more free time. If anyone says it's to get rid of the alters, it just feels like a death sentence to them and they will get into a panic or rage.

Moma only stepped aside when faced with losing the man she loved. Momma was told he could not deal with the person she was. The strength and cold anger was just too much as Moma went over board. However, I realize now that gradually a weeker depressed woman took her place and she was new and scared to death confused and probably very young. a group of people took advantage and wreck myy relationship. By the time another alter showed up our life was devastated and we had lost the man we loved anyhow. The woman who had control next and another new alter or someone buried from long ago was very capable got me back into my home and found a way to get us healthier. She had control for almost 4 and 1/2 years. So she was integrating my wardrobe, and making herself well and home. Then my friend died. he left a young widown and 2 younger childred one 12 on 10. She had a choice, access my past and use info I hadn't used in a long time OR allow my friends family to suffer alone and unprepared. That's when jake came out. Earlier tonight i could feel jake slipping away he has no idea what to do with female relationship issues and wanted to run. But somehow We kept him here and he is aggravated that we did. Not in a very good mood due to the relationship issue and wondering just whose butt he should kick. Sigh. But life needs to be dealt with and with the extremes of some of my alters. jake is best.

Alters are coping mechanisms to the environment at hand, for the most part. Its not really set in stone! My host personality ~me~ Pretty much has the reigns- especially playing online! . We are trying to build a family environment which requires me...the nurturer. So when home time happens, I'm here and Steven can move his butt to the end of the line, so to speak. Actually for now, it's just me and him to function as a whole (he's good for what he does), a bookkeeper stick. Then there's the IT guy that builds our website and all things computer. Oh yeah, Buttkisser comes out to talk to clients which we need. (He thought the name was funny perfect!)

So, just saying, not one alter can do it all. If I had one, I'd be one person which isn't the way it's going to be right now. So please don't worry that they come and go as they want. We naturally switch to deal with our situation and environment. Only us get to experience such crazyness. I keep thinking this is like the Grandaddy of personality disorders.

Thats funny, WE are dealing with a room mate who may be alzheimver, parkinson or just so whooo hoo . But its sad cause she wants to be where she is. She doesn't want help but jake has to deal with her cause the others would just run away allow her to get away with everything she wanted. So many people want me to commit her and they don't realize that peoplee are not just chucked in "a nut house" cause your not sure about how they act. so We are stuck trying to fix it or wait it out. In the mean time We are massively stressed. sigh. and i just try to be every day

Situations arise that only one can handle while the rest wants to get away. I've got a few that aren't scared of dealing. The rest don't wanna. When the shying away gets old, Steven will step up. He's totally left brain and pretty much robotic in nature. I don't think he can feel. Of course, there are a few more that are too proactive. We pretty much at this time in life deal with Him and me. The others pop through every now and then. Roberto was showing the tongue to our x the other night while me and Steven fought for control! Lol. Horn dog. Omg. It was hilarious.