Seeking revenge

Hi
Wondering if anyone has ever thought of seeking revenge on those that hurt you? T tries to calm my rage and anger towards those that hurt us but sometimes as much as I appreciate her work, all of it comes back again, however she does manage to contain it for weeks at a time. We often feel that it will just continue to grow more and more stronger and stronger. I seek revenge in my head on and off and sometimes it comes in clusters at a time. Just starting one now... Revenge the same say they hurt us. Other times worse !

If you seek revenge how would you go about it? Do you feel it's helpful or hurtful ? Of course all fantasy in my head. The only place I feel justice can be served!

No, I haven't. I think not only is it hurtful, it hurts you to harbor it - the other party knows nothing about it. keeping anger and resentment literally deteriorates the body and brain. And I think Karma will take care of it in time.
I have a friend who has very good reason to want revenge... and I let her talk about it and I listen, and then I reminder of what consequences that would bring - she doesn't care about them. And then I remind her that it still wouldn't do any good.

As they say "The best revenge is to live a great life in spite of what happened to you".

no I never sought out revenge on my abusers. when I was a child they were prosecuted by my parents and social services. thats not saying I didnt go through rage and wanting to harm them. its just a natural instinct for human beings to want to harm those that harm us. I mean if you read historical documentations even back in the cavemen days theres documented evidence on how one tribe\band of people sought out revenge on another who did them wrong. its instinctual survival mode as my treatment providers call it.

when ever I went through this my treatment providers had many ways to help me through it....one thats currently very popular with treatment providers is writing a letter to the abuser. this letter can if the writer chooses be sent to the abuser, or placed in the files, or destroyed in what ever ways will help one to move on. for me this helped a lot to be able to put in writing how I felt about what happened and what I wanted to do to the creeps then put all those feelings in the trash can and light it ablaze.

then writing another letter letting my abusers know that I wasnt going to sink down to their level, that they did their best to ensure I did not survive, but I did and the best revenge against them is my survival. I was not going to let them define and rob the rest of my life and happiness.

Not I. I guess the best I get is to never talk or see them again. Of course we're talking about my parents. We don't speak to the father, but keep in touch with mother.

I too have hoped things would happen to him.... or that he and other abusers will go to the inner circle of hell (and I don't even believe in hell)... but I've never sought revenge. In some day dreams, I see him cornering me and I let him hit me or something (rather than fighting him) so everyone will see him for what he is, and he is arrested. Or other such daydreams. But that's it.

Fantasizing & planning r 2 different things. In real life u know it's not going to happen the way u r wishing it would. There r no knights in shinning armour, superman, or anyone else that can erase the pain & or ride to the rescue. There is no justice. It can't be returned to the never happened state. But I see no reason why a short trip to revengeland can't be on the agenda. That's why we have movies, fiction novels, superheroes, Disneyland, & vacations - to escape for awhile. Knowing it's not real, has a beginning & end & that the real world awaits is of utmost importance before u venture off.

Thinking about it, my revenge is the silent treatment!

I never thought about revenge toward my father or other family members. I think revenge is part of the sick cycle of abuse. All I wanted was to be free from them. I worked very hard to get away from them. To put myself in a stable financial position so I could get out of the house. I also was very vocal and told my father that he died when I was little and the man standing in front of me was a stranger. I stopped talking to him after that. I was in my mid twenties at the time. My other family members I just stayed away from. Sometimes I would step in to help if things were out of control. I didn't live there so I could step in than step right back out. I am very close with my younger sister. She was my bright light through all of it. She was affected by the violence in the house. We all were. I had a great deal of conflict in my teens because part of me loved my father but another part didn't and used to degrade us for still loving my father. I realized one day that the man I loved was the man who died when he molested me and the man that was left was a stranger was an abuser. I learned it is ok to have had feeling of love and caring for the abuser for the times he wasn't abusing but once he molested me he was a stranger who used me for his sickness. It took time for me to understand that. But once I did I knew that man deserved nothing but disdain from me. And that is what he got. I do still have feelings of loathing when I think of him. He died 10 years ago in his 80's. I didn't cry for him at his funeral. I cried for myself and my suffering. It was cathartic.

Hi there
Let me begin by saying I have no tact so my understanding of revenge is different from how a T would verbalise it.
I understand this disorder and the cause and the effect like a dog with a tail. There is no cut the tail off option. So I as a dog, have to learn to sit in a way so that I don't hurt myself if I sit on my tail. As much as I would wish to I cannot cut off my past. It will always follow me. I am not so altruistic that I don't wish the wheels of karma to hurry up and run over my abusers. I am not so mature that revenge has never crossed my mind. And for me the best revenge isn't having a great life because my abusers aren't around to see me living it up. Time, death and geography have separated us. I don't even know if they're still alive.

I have written countless letters, and it is true, it does help to purge the blackness from the soul and at least help those inside who battle to cope with hurt and pain a chance to express themselves. Something else I did, but only on paper and only in therapy was to play out a hypothetical revenge. What if this happened? How would #3 feel? How would #4 feel? The outsiders wrote their answers expressing their emotions down.

One cannot go around drowning in a sea of emotions all undealt with, some emotions can become toxic to you and to some alters. You cannot become adrift in a desert feeling nothing either, that comes from suppression, as the poster above said, to cry was cathartic.

Anyway you develop to explore and understand your feelings and emotions is a good way. Whether you take to meditation, or shouting on top of a hill, keeping a daily or even hourly diary, writing letters, painting (you don't have to be Rembrandt the point is to use colour to reflect emotion), play with clay, pop art, computer art. There are many outlets for you to express your emotions - revenge is an emotion. So find a bunch of violent images, hell, one daily paper is enough of a resource; do it on computer or on paper, let the alters who need to speak write or type words over the images and when you're done print it and put it in your diary or journal.

Y'all have a nice day now. #1

One of our alters, Jillian, is angry by nature. And yes, she has voiced her thoughts on getting revenge, on finding ways to hurt the person that hurt us. There were times when she described in vivid detail, what she would like to do. Not just to the person that hurt us, but to abusers she hears about on the radio or sees on tv.

We've managed to convince her to let fate take care of the one who hurt us. In the mean time, we'll do our best to live. We'll do our best to succeed, be happy, make something of ourselves. No, it isn't easy. Yes, we've wanted to quit on ourselves, and we did many times. But to quit would be letting our abuser win. To quit would be giving our abuser victory ever now when the abuse has stopped.

Jillian is less immersed on her plans for revenge and more focused on making it, living, and enjoying as many moments as she can. Because , now,in her eyes, that's the best revenge ever.