[1976kitchenfloor]

Hello. as I read a lot of your post as a fellow DID who is currently stable I am wondering about times of stability. a am almost seventy years old now. Looking back I can see there have been, if I recall rightly , three periods in my life during which I was getting lost frequently. I couldnt make it through a day without 'someone else steeping out'. A day could last forever and I really got a lot of work done since I wasnt sleeping in the usual sense. I was nodding off and repeatedly switching perspective.

I would like to know your experiences re this. Do any of you have stable times that last for months or even years and then something happens and you are not here anymore? Are you aware that you are in pieces? Do you see yourself from outside of yourself?

Thank you for sharing with me. I do beleive that connecting with each other and hopefully finding common ground will help us.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Hello. as I read a lot of your post as a fellow DID who is currently stable I am wondering about times of stability. a am almost seventy years old now. Looking back I can see there have been, if I recall rightly , three periods in my life during which I was getting lost frequently. I couldnt make it through a day without 'someone else steeping out'. A day could last forever and I really got a lot of work done since I wasnt sleeping in the usual sense. I was nodding off and repeatedly switching perspective.

I would like to know your experiences re this. Do any of you have stable times that last for months or even years and then something happens and you are not here anymore? Are you aware that you are in pieces? Do you see yourself from outside of yourself?

Thank you for sharing with me. I do beleive that connecting with each other and hopefully finding common ground will help us.

Thank you for sharing this and asking these questions!

I am still in the process of sorting out what, exactly, is happening with me.

I've been working with a counselor for almost 2 years. I do know, and have accepted and acknowledged, that there are 3 or 4 distinct parts of me. They work together to protect the little one.

As far as one of them "stepping out," I'm not sure that I know that just yet. I believe the more I am actually "experiencing" and "knowing" the dissociated times, the more it will come to make sense.

What I have been experiencing and am actually working through today, is waking up "gone." I usually sleep really "hard" and don't hear my alarm when this happens. When I get up and try to get my day started, I don't feel like myself. It happens on different levels/intensities. Sometimes it's so intense that I feel drunk. Other times it just the "off" feeling like something is not right. It usually feels like I've dreamed something that I can't remember and my brain strains to try to see it. It's very draining.

My hands and feet are tingling typing this reply.

My memories are flashbacks of things that I remember about explosive situations, then it's like someone turns off the TV. I don't remember anything past a certain point. I'm wondering if my mind is going back to certain points and trying to process it, but something won't give it access.

Does that make any sense?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Hello. as I read a lot of your post as a fellow DID who is currently stable I am wondering about times of stability. a am almost seventy years old now. Looking back I can see there have been, if I recall rightly , three periods in my life during which I was getting lost frequently. I couldnt make it through a day without 'someone else steeping out'. A day could last forever and I really got a lot of work done since I wasnt sleeping in the usual sense. I was nodding off and repeatedly switching perspective.

I would like to know your experiences re this. Do any of you have stable times that last for months or even years and then something happens and you are not here anymore? Are you aware that you are in pieces? Do you see yourself from outside of yourself?

Thank you for sharing with me. I do beleive that connecting with each other and hopefully finding common ground will help us.

there is no way for me to count how many times I experienced any one of my dissociative symptoms. I was abused as a very young child before the age of 5. this resulted in my having DID. because my mind created DID type alters during that extreme abuse before age 5 having my DID\dissociative symptoms is something I grew up with having all my life, it was my normal.

one way to understand this is to look at a food item you have had all your life, it may be beans or potatoes or lemons. something you grew up with having almost every day of your life, now try and go back and count how many times that lemon made your mouth water, how many times that potato tasted grainy, how many times those beans tasted good...

Having DID for me isnt something I can count out because like not having DID is a non mental disordered persons normal, and they cant count how many times they woke up normal, theres no counting how many times I woke up DID.

I can take a guess based on multiplying my age with how many days there are in a year but again that would only be a guess \estimate because ...

i have no idea what exact age my mind created that first alternate personality that would take control and how many times a day that alter would take control to where i was "waking up" to looking around and noticing new things through another alters eyes.

I have no idea how many alters there were, my treatment providers and I did not focus on counting alters and such because my location has strict standards for things like calling out specific alters, focusing on how many alters there are due to a situation called false memory syndrome false alters to impress a treatment provider (now called factitious disorder imposed on self) can happen in some people if their treatment providers focus too much on the alter side of things. and i had very little co consciousness with my alters so again for me there is no way to count how many times any one of my dissociative symptoms happened.

no I did not see myself from outside my body. in my location this is called psychosis. my treatment providers reasoning for this is because with dissociative disorders reality testing remains intact which means you may ....feel...a certain way but know what is real...

example if I told my treatment provider I....feel....like I can see myself outside my body that can be dissociation in my location.

if I say i saw myself while I was outside my body my treatment providers would ask me what happened to cause me to have an out of body experience (which is different than dissociation. example of this is paranormal activity that come with religious practices\ near death experiences\ and paranormal psychic phenomenon all of which the new diagnostics for DID now rules out in america as dissociation.

stable times that lasted months or years no not before my alters integrated\became one whole person with me again. dissociation is a reaction to a positive or negative trigger. in relation to me what that means is any time I got triggered (emotional, uncomfortable, nervous\anxious, stressed out...) which ever alters who's job, purpose reason for being was to handle that took control and did their job, purpose, reason for being created.

i was not aware that i was in pieces before I entered college and was diagnosed. Again having DID and everything it entails was my normal. I assumed everyone was like me and it was normal to hear voices, lose track of time, discover I had gone somewhere or done something that I could not remember...it was just normal for me to feel numb, spaced out and all that.

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Do any of you have stable times that last for months or even years and then something happens and you are not here anymore?

Kind of - but not. I don't think I have a central 'me' for stable occasions. Rather, I have a me for every occasion, and if a situation occurs where there is no me suitable, I create one. But I do have periods of stable time - where the right me's are coming out for the right occasions, and things are working pretty well. And then something happens and all hell breaks loose. I don't understand (yet) what happens, or why, but there will be periods of time where I am just incapable of anything. As someone else in a different thread said - I just become a 'PTSD Pig' - the great unwashed, the post unopened, slovenly and barely functioning. Definitely the wrong me's for the wrong occasions.

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Are you aware that you are in pieces?

I wasn't even vaguely aware, until I started Therapy and he shone a big ol' torch at it. Now I have days when I am acutely aware, and actively encouraging open communication. There are days where I begrudgingly accept that having a soul / personality in pieces is the only way to explain why I am the way I am. And there are plenty of days where I think I am 110% normal, nothing is wrong with me other than I am massively attention seeking, and that I should carry on with my life as if I never met my T.

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Do you see yourself from outside of yourself?

As it happens - occasionally. It wasn't something I was aware of until recently, and I still have to remind myself to pay attention to the viewpoint. As it happens viewpoint is mostly through my eyes, but occasionally from behind me.

A lot of my memories are from above, or from behind me. Again, its something Im having to train myself to be aware of, but I think a lot more memories have this perspective than 'as it happens'.

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I usually sleep really "hard" and don't hear my alarm when this happens. When I get up and try to get my day started, I don't feel like myself. It happens on different levels/intensities. Sometimes it's so intense that I feel drunk. Other times it just the "off" feeling like something is not right. It usually feels like I've dreamed something that I can't remember and my brain strains to try to see it.

Holy cr@p, you just described this morning to a tee!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by CassyO

Holy cr@p, you just described this morning to a tee!

It's REALLY unnerving!!! I try everything I can to "ground" myself. Music, Be Grounded - on my phone, writing in my journal, coloring, yoga.... I believe I work myself more into a STATE, trying to fix myself.

Sometimes, it just "clicks" back into feeling ok. Other times I go to bed thankful that the day is over and praying I wake up ok in the morning!

[TrailRunner14]

Quoting from the original message - can't figure out how to use the multiple quote option.

"Do any of you have stable times that last for months or even years and then something happens and you are not here anymore? Are you aware that you are in pieces? Do you see yourself from outside of yourself?"

When I feel "gone" I see my hands and it's as if they are not mine. It's more like I'm watching myself do things and kind of floating along kind of watching. There are many memories from before, where I am watching myself instead of actually participating in what's going on.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Thank you for sharing this and asking these questions!

I am still in the process of sorting out what, exactly, is happening with me.

I've been working with a counselor for almost 2 years. I do know, and have accepted and acknowledged, that there are 3 or 4 distinct parts of me. They work together to protect the little one.

As far as one of them "stepping out," I'm not sure that I know that just yet. I believe the more I am actually "experiencing" and "knowing" the dissociated times, the more it will come to make sense.

What I have been experiencing and am actually working through today, is waking up "gone." I usually sleep really "hard" and don't hear my alarm when this happens. When I get up and try to get my day started, I don't
feel like myself. It happens on different levels/intensities. Sometimes it's so intense that I feel drunk. Other times it just the "off" feeling like something is not right. It usually feels like I've dreamed something that I can't remember and my brain strains to try to see it. It's very draining.

My hands and feet are tingling typing this reply.

My memories are flashbacks of things that I remember about explosive situations, then it's like someone turns off the TV. I don't remember anything past a certain point. I'm wondering if my mind is going back to certain points and trying to process it, but something won't give it access.

Does that make any sense?

Hello. Yes, this does make sense. You will get what you need what is yours to remember , relive, and accept when you are ready. Once you are aware you are in pieces, then I think the understanding and healing process begins.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by CassyO

Kind of - but not. I don't think I have a central 'me' for stable occasions. Rather, I have a me for every occasion, and if a situation occurs where there is no me suitable, I create one. But I do have periods of stable time - where the right me's are coming out for the right occasions, and things are working pretty well. And then something happens and all hell breaks loose. I don't understand (yet) what happens, or why, but there will be periods of time where I am just incapable of anything. As someone else in a different thread said - I just become a 'PTSD Pig' - the great unwashed, the post unopened, slovenly and barely functioning. Definitely the wrong me's for the wrong occasions.


I wasn't even vaguely aware, until I started Therapy and he shone a big ol' torch at it. Now I have days when I am acutely aware, and actively encouraging open communication. There are days where I begrudgingly accept that having a soul / personality in pieces is the only way to explain why I am the way I am. And there are plenty of days where I think I am 110% normal, nothing is wrong with me other than I am massively attention seeking, and that I should carry on with my life as if I never met my T.


As it happens - occasionally. It wasn't something I was aware of until recently, and I still have to remind myself to pay attention to the viewpoint. As it happens viewpoint is mostly through my eyes, but occasionally from behind me.

A lot of my memories are from above, or from behind me. Again, its something Im having to train myself to be aware of, but I think a lot more memories have this perspective than 'as it happens'.

Hello. I truly appreciate you talking about this and sharing your thoguhts and expereinces with me. Understanding there is a process a reactive process going on helps somewhat. I do know what you mean when you talk about 'all hell breaks out.' Its like being in a bottle, shook up in a bottle and
poured out all over the place. Reactioning to triggers can be a lot like opening Pandoras Box.

Take care now.

Again, thank you for you insights.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by CassyO

Holy cr@p, you just described this morning to a tee!

CassyO. Is there anything that you do, that helps get you back? I'm sure my fighting against it, most probably intensifies it. I don't realize that, in that moment.

Most of my aha moments seem to be after the fact. Looking back.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[finding_my_way]

i've had different times throughout my life where things have shifted. childhood, i'm not sure how things are. as a teenager, things were very difficult with dissociation pretty much daily for years. i got lost among it all, not 100% blacking out though, but just everything being a confused mess without knowing who i was among the rest.

at a certain time, things stabilized, so it was more just me which allowed me to figure myself out more. but things go up and down, and the last two years or so have been another time where things are more active with others being more active, though that has changed as well. so, for me, it's really up and down. i had several years of being really stable, but now it's kind of not as stable as i used to be so am finding some things more difficult because the confusion is back as well as more dissociation and all that brings with it.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Hello. Yes, this does make sense. You will get what you need what is yours to remember , relive, and accept when you are ready. Once you are aware you are in pieces, then I think the understanding and healing process begins.

Thank you for your time and hearing me!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[TrailRunner14]

Can someone tell me how to pick out sections of a post to reply to?

If it's ok, I would like to talk more about what was shared in this thread without having to include the whole post in the reply quote.

Thank you!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[QUOTE = TrailRunner14;4934641]Can someone tell me how to pick out sections of a post to reply to?

[ /QUOTE ]

I just hit reply, so the whole quote comes up. Then delete the bits I don't want. Then copy and paste the code in the brackets at the start and end of the original quote, to the start and end of each 'bit' of quote, so i can reply to each section in turn.

I've added spaces to the code here so it shows up on the thread.

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

CassyO. Is there anything that you do, that helps get you back? I'm sure my fighting against it, most probably intensifies it. I don't realize that, in that moment.

Most of my aha moments seem to be after the fact. Looking back.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

To be honest, I just go with it- I don't really know what else to do. I guess I drink more and stronger coffee to try and wake myself up.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by CassyO

To be honest, I just go with it- I don't really know what else to do. I guess I drink more and stronger coffee to try and wake myself up.

Yeah. I try the coffee too. Trying to figure out if the caffeine overload makes it worse.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

i've had different times throughout my life where things have shifted. childhood, i'm not sure how things are. as a teenager, things were very difficult with dissociation pretty much daily for years. i got lost among it all, not 100% blacking out though, but just everything being a confused mess without knowing who i was among the rest.

at a certain time, things stabilized, so it was more just me which allowed me to figure myself out more. but things go up and down, and the last two years or so have been another time where things are more active with others being more active, though that has changed as well. so, for me, it's really up and down. i had several years of being really stable, but now it's kind of not as stable as i used to be so am finding some things more difficult because the confusion is back as well as more dissociation and all that brings with it.

thank you for sharing. it helps me udnerstand myself and others better. hugs

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by CassyO

Kind of - but not. I don't think I have a central 'me' for stable occasions. Rather, I have a me for every occasion, and if a situation occurs where there is no me suitable, I create one. But I do have periods of stable time - where the right me's are coming out for the right occasions, and things are working pretty well. And then something happens and all hell breaks loose. I don't understand (yet) what happens, or why, but there will be periods of time where I am just incapable of anything. As someone else in a different thread said - I just become a 'PTSD Pig' - the great unwashed, the post unopened, slovenly and barely functioning. Definitely the wrong me's for the wrong occasions.





I wasn't even vaguely aware, until I started Therapy and he shone a big ol' torch at it. Now I have days when I am acutely aware, and actively encouraging open communication. There are days where I begrudgingly accept that having a soul / personality in pieces is the only way to explain why I am the way I am. And there are plenty of days where I think I am 110% normal, nothing is wrong with me other than I am massively attention seeking, and that I should carry on with my life as if I never met my T.





As it happens - occasionally. It wasn't something I was aware of until recently, and I still have to remind myself to pay attention to the viewpoint. As it happens viewpoint is mostly through my eyes, but occasionally from behind me.


A lot of my memories are from above, or from behind me. Again, its something Im having to train myself to be aware of, but I think a lot more memories have this perspective than 'as it happens'.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Hello. as I read a lot of your post as a fellow DID who is currently stable I am wondering about times of stability. a am almost seventy years old now. Looking back I can see there have been, if I recall rightly , three periods in my life during which I was getting lost frequently. I couldnt make it through a day without 'someone else steeping out'. A day could last forever and I really got a lot of work done since I wasnt sleeping in the usual sense. I was nodding off and repeatedly switching perspective.

I would like to know your experiences re this. Do any of you have stable times that last for months or even years and then something happens and you are not here anymore? Are you aware that you are in pieces? Do you see yourself from outside of yourself?

Thank you for sharing with me. I do beleive that connecting with each other and hopefully finding common ground will help us.

Sherri: Omg hon... 70 years old....you've endured so much...I'm sorry.
Our body is 48.

Welcome to PC!

I hope we haven't freaked you out. I understand what you are saying. You sound co-conscience like we are where we "pass" the conscience as we present owning the present as a singularity. The "I" (conscience) as a combined animal feels different all the time, like someone else stepped out. Memories are like pulled away and we feel different. I so get it.

I also want to add that "I" feel like I haven't driven for days even though we drove all day yesterday. The day feels brand new like I just got there nevermind its past noon even though I sense we've been up all day. Its called co-conscience- being aware. If you was to really break it down, its actually loss time through missing memories. We have amnesia, but the light never goes out. Its so freaky!

It wasn't till the past year that I was able to individualize ourselves by keeping bios in a notebook. The seperations then became clear as to how we are a bunch of Others in here.

To the unaware conscience, it all feels like its just happening to a single entity. This is so freaky as to how it works.

This is how I see it. Our system "Robin" is a starship with a crew of others. Robin believes she's one. The crew (us the crew) takes turn piloting "Robin"... But without recognition and blindly faithful to our job. We work together. We actually conference in head and think of it as "thinking".

It wasn't till recent that we've understood the system structure here.

I hope this helps. We've done private study in the neuro-science of causes and several years of psychology and done a lot of experiments to discover our system and to how it works. Good luck!