[Wishfulone]

Hi.I have DID and spent last 4 years in and out of wards 15 times until an eventual diagnosis.In May last year I was released on a CTO.in the Feb of 2015 I began a relationship with a member of staff on the ward and we continued seeing each other until Jan 2016.i am completely devastated as I feel I've lost my 'protector'.Im now slipping mentally and wonder if this is DID returning or just heartbreak?
Is it possible I recovered because I was in 'supposed love'? Or was I genuinely well again?Any feedback gratefully received.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Wishfulone

Hi.I have DID and spent last 4 years in and out of wards 15 times until an eventual diagnosis.In May last year I was released on a CTO.in the Feb of 2015 I began a relationship with a member of staff on the ward and we continued seeing each other until Jan 2016.i am completely devastated as I feel I've lost my 'protector'.Im now slipping mentally and wonder if this is DID returning or just heartbreak?
Is it possible I recovered because I was in 'supposed love'? Or was I genuinely well again?Any feedback gratefully received.

I a bit confused you state you wonder if this is DID returning. the reason Im confused is because in my location DID does not come and go, come and go. its a mental disorder someone has all their life until all their alters have been fully integrated to where they are all one whole person again. in short when a person no longer fits the diagnostic criteria in my link here in my location treatment providers can no longer label a person DID. to understand my locations ways on this think of it like a broken toe a medical doctor can not diagnose someone with a broken toe if their toe is no longer broke. when the toe is fused back together they are no longer diagnosed with that same broken toe.

another confusing point for me is you state you feel like you lost your protector....do you mean the staff person you were seeing made you feel protected and now that he is out of your life you are feeling like you have no protection? if so this is standard where I am located. here its called grieving and grief of that relationship.usually there is a period of time where one in a relationship feels sad and other emotions and that they have lost something when there is a relationship break up. if this is what you are talking about give it some time. its normal to feel this way when breaking up with someone you love.

did you recover from DID because you were in supposed love? only your own treatment providers can answer that. if this was me in my location my own treatment providers would say no because if love was the cure for DID then most everyone in the world with DID would no longer have DID because everyone somewhere has someone to love be it a person, plant or thing. here in my location the cure for DID is taking care of all the problems a person has in their life so that they no longer dissociate to such extremes.

again only your own treatment providers can answer about your own direct situation.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Wishfulone: I see this is your first post here on PsychCentral... so... welcome to PC... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. I don't know the answers to your questions. But from my perspective, these are important questions that deserve to be delved into in-depth, perhaps with the aid of a therapist. I'm sorry you had this experience & wish you well...

[Wishfulone]

Hi Skeezyks.Does that mean you don't have knowledge about 'Parts' or that you find my experience strange? I can't speak to my CPN about it as they work for the same health board and know each other! And i still love him and will protect him as it was consensual.thankyou.

Originally Posted by Wishfulone

Hi.I have DID and spent last 4 years in and out of wards 15 times until an eventual diagnosis.In May last year I was released on a CTO.in the Feb of 2015 I began a relationship with a member of staff on the ward and we continued seeing each other until Jan 2016.i am completely devastated as I feel I've lost my 'protector'.Im now slipping mentally and wonder if this is DID returning or just heartbreak?
Is it possible I recovered because I was in 'supposed love'? Or was I genuinely well again?Any feedback gratefully received.

Sherri: Hi wishful one...welcome to PC hon. All I know is that DID is a condition wrought on from early childhood as the brains defense mechanism to trauma in which a child's brain doesn't associate. This just means DID doesn't come and go like the flu, but is a constant that can only to be worked out with a qualified T.

I don't understand how you lost your protector? I mean, I hear that they can integrate automatically of which I haven't a clue... or maybe go dormant till triggered as needed.

I'm so awful when it comes to relationships. An Other got us married and here we are stuck with a stranger that gets stranger the longer we stay.

I just hope that you are able to do recovery and that its going well that you now do have a DX.

[Wishfulone]

Hi Sherri, When I say I lost my 'protector' I'm referring to him the 'nurse' as he saved my life on the ward ( he actually performed cpr on me) and I'm not sure if one of my 'parts' then viewed him as powerful and useful and then 12 months later (last admission was for 15 months consecutively) decided to make a move to help me become stable enough to reintegrate into the community.I also wonder if now that he's gone my 'system' is afraid of the reality of living in the big bad world?.

[Shaly78]

A child part, yea it has happened, but olders of the system usually have something to say. We're you fighting your protector alter? Was he, usually a he but not always, protector, against the child parts request to date.. This can be extremely complicated to explain just for example.....Sometimes, there can be a lot of irons in the fire, I get jealous and don't want any of them jokers dating my men..I just want the host to date......It is very hard boundary to keep on a personal level, so I conform because I can't get rid of them, alters lol..No, I'm not in denial it is just that some are still playing the blame game about they name being called or the gatekeeper does her thing about switching...Sometimes I apologize, then other times I asked them to try to conform cause we can't just keep their presence secrets.....I try to do the best I can to avoid over sharing when in new relationships, until I feel it might be necessary. For instance, how you make your money stuff like that usually gets us out in some shape or form.. Everyone is curious when you spending time with a guy....I'm avoiding this guy, now because I fear closest, disappointment and yea love..

[kecanoe]

Wow, what a rollercoaster! It is my opinion that being in love does not fix DID. Sounds to me like maybe you are suffering from both DID and heartbreak. Take care.

[Wishfulone]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

Wow, what a rollercoaster! It is my opinion that being in love does not fix DID. Sounds to me like maybe you are suffering from both DID and heartbreak. Take care.

Hi.thankyou.I never thought of that!!!!.It does sound very likely though.

[Wishfulone]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Sherri: Hi wishful one...welcome to PC hon. All I know is that DID is a condition wrought on from early childhood as the brains defense mechanism to trauma in which a child's brain doesn't associate. This just means DID doesn't come and go like the flu, but is a constant that can only to be worked out with a qualified T.

I don't understand how you lost your protector? I mean, I hear that they can integrate automatically of which I haven't a clue... or maybe go dormant till triggered as needed.

I'm so awful when it comes to relationships. An Other got us married and here we are stuck with a stranger that gets stranger the longer we stay.

I just hope that you are able to do recovery and that its going well that you now do have a DX.

Hi Sherri, When I say 'protector' I mean in real life not in my system.he was male....knew my diagnosis......never judged me and wanted me warts and all (or so I thought! Lol)now that he's gone I guess I'm 'the host' feeling vulnerable.

[Shaly78]

Yea 'protector' not of the system isn't the same as a 'protector' of the system even if your system has mostly internalized external people, lol, if you follow me here. Since, we're in a DID forum, we just assumed that....Although, you can recognize how certain men have a protective quality about them especially if they have children.....We all aren't one way...Thanks for clarifying!