[1976kitchenfloor]

First, I would like to know if everyone posting in this forum wants to be integrated in their sense of identity and self awareness. In other words, what is your primary goal with regard to your DID diagnosis and your therapy.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

First, I would like to know if everyone posting in this forum wants to be integrated in their sense of identity and self awareness. In other words, what is your primary goal with regard to your DID diagnosis and your therapy.

I am fully integrated. All my alters merged with me to become one whole person. it wasnt a choice. it just happened through the natural progression of therapy. here is a great link that Always changing found that explains really close to what I went through.

Understanding Integration | Sidran.org

before I was integrated my goals were stabilizing and learning grounding, breathing and learning how to deal with my day to day life with out using dissociation to get through my days. medication for depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

First, I would like to know if everyone posting in this forum wants to be integrated in their sense of identity and self awareness. In other words, what is your primary goal with regard to your DID diagnosis and your therapy.

Wow! That's a big question for me right now. Dissociation is very obvious to me. Missing time has been discovered. Feeling like a passenger, with someone else driving has been realized and acknowledged. I also know that there are other "parts" of me that I feel/hear their thoughts. I have not been diagnosed with DID. I do know these things are truth.

My goal at this point is to try and understand how this all works. Educate myself on "what" it is, and make peace with it. If all of my parts have been working and doing their job since they came to be, it would be my goal to have them all in the same car with a responsible driver. In my mind a see a family. We are traveling in a nice comfy SUV, chit chatting and feeling like we all belong together. That is my goal I believe. Nobody loses their job, we are hopefully going to learn to work kindly together.

That may seem simple minded, but the simpler the better!

[1976kitchenfloor]

Thank you for taking the time to write this. Your goal sounds pretty good all in all. Take care.

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

First, I would like to know if everyone posting in this forum wants to be integrated in their sense of identity and self awareness. In other words, what is your primary goal with regard to your DID diagnosis and your therapy.

to survive therapy, to get to the other side

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

First, I would like to know if everyone posting in this forum wants to be integrated in their sense of identity and self awareness. In other words, what is your primary goal with regard to your DID diagnosis and your therapy.

i have no idea. i'm still kind of in the beginning phases (again) where i am learning about the others or at least being able to sort out who is related to what feeling/thought, etc. to help me make sense of that. aside from that, i guess the goal is just to keep things stable in the process if possible and work through whatever comes up.

i'm not so certain that integration is possible given the fact it has taken so many years with knowing and learning about the others then having it all shut down to going back to gaining back that knowledge and also up and down communication which makes it more difficult.

as long as i have times of stability and safety and someone who believes what i experience, it will help.

Your post reminded me of this, some of the things we have worked on:

50 Treatment Issues for Dissociative Identity Disorder | Discussing Dissociation

[TrailRunner14]

My earlier reply is bothering me. I didn't want it to sound like a rainbows and butterflies reply.

What I said is really what I hope for. In my mind I believe that is the most rational conclusion for where I see myself.

That is the END result. The journey to get there is what I believe you are asking about. It is late and I'm struggling with it tonight. I believe I'm a newbee in this and I'm learning myself. That's ok.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[1976kitchenfloor]

thank you trailrunner. part of being dissociated is the changing feelings /awarenesses and you are not to worry about your reply. You will do what you need to do and you will learn as you go along.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

Your post reminded me of this, some of the things we have worked on:

50 Treatment Issues for Dissociative Identity Disorder | Discussing Dissociation

thank you for teh referrel but I am really wondering what each of you finds works for you, things that help you.

[Shaly78]

I want to work on safety, trust, cohesiveness, less disconnects, and balance....I don't think integration is for my system, per se, I'm not necessarily adverse to that word, and the negative connotations it carries when reading research from systems. I want to have less disconnects, I want to be able to have us trust each other to hold job even if part time to get through an interview to be given encouragement well done in that interview, if you don't get a offer then the competition was fierce. I want to work on issues with relationships, because I feel that I can get married again without a big problem of oh I'm a survivor, so there will never be any healing and trusting of men. I want us to be able to choose and discern a guy, so that no signs are there at least in dating, hopefully he is a Godly man because marriage is hard enough with conflict that is inevitable. Parenting anything that spilled over in the parenting not being so guarded as a parent with my children that I lose my identity and force on them to work as therapist or pdoc stuff like that. If all of this entails working on the issue of abuse if and when it continues to come to the light of my conscious mind then so be it, no matter how unbelievable, speaking of the rest of my childhood. I haven't had any concerns with the false memory syndrome, it has been vivid, yes I've recovered memories, so the more the better for everyone else. The emotional part are excellent, just staying out of groups might help cause yes I feel my emotions just not always in the moment like some T have complained about with us. I would like my face to match up with the moments and allow them to impact or at least be able to talk it about it in detail... Whether it is disgust, shame, sadness, fear, guilt. It seems to me if it isn't displayed on our face it can make some people misunderstand us, and that is very worrisome with us knowing that we are healing. The questions linger, am I healing, is this enough, is this going to come out write, I don't know it just like I have to live for certain people's approval. I've gotten to the place, about 4 years in T, that it doesn't matter, I'm not on trial or nor is anyone else that hurt me and I'm certainly not anyone's daughter except for my parents that don't even live in the same state as myself. I've learned not to fear people or who ever talks through to increase fear and intimidation for what ever sad reason. I had this big ole realization that my whole being was founded on that, the brain was re-wired the whole transference conversation it fit that part well, and for good reason...Now, I don't care there are few and far between on who and what I need to do with my life that make sense to focus in the present. Basically, us personally, relationships, and parenting.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I am fully integrated. All my alters merged with me to become one whole person. it wasnt a choice. it just happened through the natural progression of therapy. here is a great link that Always changing found that explains really close to what I went through.

Understanding Integration | Sidran.org

before I was integrated my goals were stabilizing and learning grounding, breathing and learning how to deal with my day to day life with out using dissociation to get through my days. medication for depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety.

Hello again. I am still trying to understand better. If I undsetand you correctly, when you were in therapy you were aware fo your DID but never talked with your therapist about goals and more importantly- do you mean you never thought about why and what you wanted from your therapy? You never made any choice to work at becoming integrated /it just happened?

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by Shaly78

I want to work on safety, trust, cohesiveness, less disconnects, and balance....I don't think integration is for my system, per se, I'm not necessarily adverse to that word, and the negative connotations it carries when reading research from systems. I want to have less disconnects, I want to be able to have us trust each other to hold job even if part time to get through an interview to be given encouragement well done in that interview, if you don't get a offer then the competition was fierce. I want to work on issues with relationships, because I feel that I can get married again without a big problem of oh I'm a survivor, so there will never be any healing and trusting of men. I want us to be able to choose and discern a guy, so that no signs are there at least in dating, hopefully he is a Godly man because marriage is hard enough with conflict that is inevitable. Parenting anything that spilled over in the parenting not being so guarded as a parent with my children that I lose my identity and force on them to work as therapist or pdoc stuff like that. If all of this entails working on the issue of abuse if and when it continues to come to the light of my conscious mind then so be it, no matter how unbelievable, speaking of the rest of my childhood. I haven't had any concerns with the false memory syndrome, it has been vivid, yes I've recovered memories, so the more the better for everyone else. The emotional part are excellent, just staying out of groups might help cause yes I feel my emotions just not always in the moment like some T have complained about with us. I would like my face to match up with the moments and allow them to impact or at least be able to talk it about it in detail... Whether it is disgust, shame, sadness, fear, guilt. It seems to me if it isn't displayed on our face it can make some people misunderstand us, and that is very worrisome with us knowing that we are healing. The questions linger, am I healing, is this enough, is this going to come out write, I don't know it just like I have to live for certain people's approval. I've gotten to the place, about 4 years in T, that it doesn't matter, I'm not on trial or nor is anyone else that hurt me and I'm certainly not anyone's daughter except for my parents that don't even live in the same state as myself. I've learned not to fear people or who ever talks through to increase fear and intimidation for what ever sad reason. I had this big ole realization that my whole being was founded on that, the brain was re-wired the whole transference conversation it fit that part well, and for good reason...Now, I don't care there are few and far between on who and what I need to do with my life that make sense to focus in the present. Basically, us personally, relationships, and parenting.

Hello. thank you for your thoughtful and obviously heartfelt reply. You show yourself to be really strong and brave. You tell it like it is and in reading your words I feel such incredible pain and almost sense a deep loneliness or maybe its the longing for things not to always be so hard.

It's not easy to learn to trust after what we go through and its important that you have learned to watch out for yourself and not try and live your life looking for the approval of others. I learned long ago how people will seldom stop and tell you about the good things you do or the good qualities you have, but too frequently they dont hesitate to let you know you aren't up to their standards. (Which is so crazy since most of the people who criticise and pick at others are not really such good people themselves. )

Also, you make such a good point about focusing on the present. This is something so important, dont you think? With dissociation and DID its so easy to have time fold over on itself in flashbacks and if only we keep forefront in our thinking that what we expereinced in the past is not happening now in real time it can help keep things a little more calmed down. I wonder if people who have enver expereinced this realzie or udnerstand how tough going through this is.

Please take care and be kind to yourself. There are many people here to care about you and are here for you. your sharing means so much to us.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Hello again. I am still trying to understand better. If I undsetand you correctly, when you were in therapy you were aware fo your DID but never talked with your therapist about goals and more importantly- do you mean you never thought about why and what you wanted from your therapy? You never made any choice to work at becoming integrated /it just happened?

Hello Again. I just realzied that what you have acheived in therapy has driven you towards the goal of wanting to help other people who are currently going through active DID. Your goal when in therapy whether or not it was ever stated in words, and my goal in therapy continue to play out in our lives.
That is pretty cool, dont you think? It wasnt jsut enough for you to get your own self/life together. I want to get a fuler understandin of DID and you want to take what you ahve learned and lived through and in part use it to help others who are suffering.

Thank you Amanda. Take care

[Shaly78]

1976Kitchenfloor, I think Amanda, according to the psycentral post here wasn't saying that she was aware of DID prior to T...She stated her integration kinda just happened, so according to the link in the post she accepted all thoughts feelings personalities...So I'm guessing as each one exerted control she eventually was able to know and understand that this is her system so for her and according to the website she is integrated. I'm sure Amanda has bouts with everyday amnesia, if I"m not mistaken the criteria is a little different isn't she not of the USA.....I read alot in this forum especially if the user name are similar to a system member it is kind of automatic to follow those ones, unless I determine if I should change or code an alter name so that I don't show favoritism and also because some people see it as cyber stalking for us externalizer, but at any rate, hopefully not too imposing.....She is using every one of go to methods to manage DID/PTSD therefore an improved life, so in most cases she is stable..

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

to survive therapy, to get to the other side

thank you for your answer. sounds like a sensible goal. take care.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

i have no idea. i'm still kind of in the beginning phases (again) where i am learning about the others or at least being able to sort out who is related to what feeling/thought, etc. to help me make sense of that. aside from that, i guess the goal is just to keep things stable in the process if possible and work through whatever comes up.

i'm not so certain that integration is possible given the fact it has taken so many years with knowing and learning about the others then having it all shut down to going back to gaining back that knowledge and also up and down communication which makes it more difficult.

as long as i have times of stability and safety and someone who believes what i experience, it will help.

That sounds good to me. One step at a time. The human brain/mind is incredible. Take care.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

First, I would like to know if everyone posting in this forum wants to be integrated in their sense of identity and self awareness. In other words, what is your primary goal with regard to your DID diagnosis and your therapy.

Firstly, please read this in a tongue-in-cheek tone.
Secondly, I am wondering why you want to know what 'everyone posting in this forum' wants as their primary goals in regards to their DID diagnosis and their therapy. (As an aside I would just like to say that not 'everyone posting in this forum' has a DID diagnosis.)
Thirdly, I would like to know why 'everyone posting in this forum' should be obliged to answer you.
Fourth, I would like to know what you are going to do with the information you receive.
Fifth, I would like to know what you are going to ask next.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

First, I would like to know if everyone posting in this forum wants to be integrated in their sense of identity and self awareness. In other words, what is your primary goal with regard to your DID diagnosis and your therapy.

Let me begin by saying that I do not have DID. My therapist agrees with me that I had DID but now it is OSDD. Anyway, no - we are not interested in integration at all. Italics can't stress that enough, so let me say clearly, we are vehemently against integration for us.

My reasons for being in therapy at the moment are unrelated to my dissociative issues however, my trust for my therapist is second only to my wife - and since we don't get to discuss these issues with anyone generally, we are enjoying being able to be ourselves around her so the dissociative themes are regularly present in session.

We've found a way to live happily and comfortably with our diagnosis and so, we are not looking to change anything. That doesn't mean that life always goes the way we expect it to - go out to pay the phone bill and come home with coloring books for instance, but rather than look at it as a problem, we've changed our perspective. Humor and acceptance have helped.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Hello again. I am still trying to understand better. If I undsetand you correctly, when you were in therapy you were aware fo your DID but never talked with your therapist about goals and more importantly- do you mean you never thought about why and what you wanted from your therapy? You never made any choice to work at becoming integrated /it just happened?

no I was not aware i had DID until I entered college psych class where a requirement of the class was to take diagnostic evaluations and enter treatment so that those who wanted to continue on to become mental health treatment providers could experience both sides...being a client and training for being a treatment provider.

my therapist and I set many goals over the years. my goals were on what ever happened to be my problem areas at that moment.

i did not have to worry about what to get out of therapy. people enter therapy to take care of their problems. my therapy therefore was to work on what problems I was having in my life. example if I was having problems with depression thats what my therapy was about, if I was having work related problems thats what my therapy sessions were about.

no i did not work at integration like you see in all these over dramatized tv shows and movies, yes integration just happened, here in my location integration isnt like the hypnotize and have a big bang at the end of treatment,

here in my location integration like in the link is the whole process of therapy...entering therapy for a problem, taking care of that problem and through taking care of my problems I gained more stability and abilities to handle my problems with out the problems triggering me to dissociation. as I was able to handle my problem everything that was my alters naturally merged together with me as one whole person.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Hello Again. I just realzied that what you have acheived in therapy has driven you towards the goal of wanting to help other people who are currently going through active DID. Your goal when in therapy whether or not it was ever stated in words, and my goal in therapy continue to play out in our lives.
That is pretty cool, dont you think? It wasnt jsut enough for you to get your own self/life together. I want to get a fuler understandin of DID and you want to take what you ahve learned and lived through and in part use it to help others who are suffering.

Thank you Amanda. Take care

I came to psych central on the recommendation of my treatment provider. I was at the point where all my alters were merging together with me and having some issues with what comes after the alters merge... full awareness, full range of emotions, functioning as one whole person not having alters taking control and much more. but at that point when I joined psych central there was no one else going through the same things. I was going to delete my account then but some members asked me to stay on so I did. there is a saying to help others is to help one self. i found that when I was helping others I was also helping me, that is why I say. some times when things get thebest of me I come here and read and remember things post to others and end up helping with my own problems. sometimes just reading other members posts helps me with my own problems.

being on psych central for me isnt about in your words....It wasnt jsut enough for you to get your own self/life together.....being here ....is ....what helps me during the hard times. its amazing what can help ones own problems by reading and replying to others. there are all kinds of therapy and being part of a mental health website is a kind of self therapy.

[kecanoe]

My current goals are to improve self care, to understand and comfort the young parts and to improve my relationships with others. Integration is not a goal, although some of my parts have integrated and I am fine with that and fine if that continues.

[cheshiregrins]

I do want to be fully integrated, but I'll take whatever I can get. Right now I just want my younger self to feel safe and trust my adult self, and stop sabotaging and resisting change etc. I just want peace/cooperation.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by cheshiregrins

I do want to be fully integrated, but I'll take whatever I can get. Right now I just want my younger self to feel safe and trust my adult self, and stop sabotaging and resisting change etc. I just want peace/cooperation.

I totally agree!! No mutiny.. Where I'm not there and I'm watching. That's very disturbing. Peace brings cooperation and working together. That looks really different typing it...it is what it is.

[flockpride]

Not integration. Acceptance. Enjoying life. Making new friends. Vocational development.