Depersonalization/Derealization

I'm not sure if this is quite the right place to post this, because my symptoms are most likely being caused by other things. But that's a choice of either depression or anxiety, and I wasn't sure what was more appropriate there! So since depersonalization/derealization fall under dissociation, I figured I'd post here.

Lately I have been feeling increasingly unreal. I'm not completely sure if it's part of the derealization, but my memory is losing it's structure, days are bleeding into each other. Like last night, before I went to sleep I was thinking back over what my bf and I had done that night, and nearly panicked because I couldn't remember. Part of me remembered parts of last night, and parts of the night before. Everything this week has either slipped out of my memory, or is like watching the memory on a movie or tv screen. Or like looking at a picture of it. Like the therapy appointment I had at the beginning of the week, when I think back to it all I can see is a still image that doesn't even really look like my therapist's office, but it's like a framed picture.

I'm not me anymore either. It's not really clear dissociation, because nothing about me has changed, other than the emotional numbing and ability to pretend that everything is great when I talk to people. But I don't feel like myself. I feel most of the time like I'm watching everything I do in a movie, but through a first-person view. Some of my memories have been from a third-person view, but in real time I know I'm looking through my eyes. I don't really even think about what I'm doing, or conciously make decisions. It's not that my behaviour is changing, but using the same analogy it's like watching a movie I've seen hundreds of times. I do something without thinking about it, but after doing whatever it is I knew I was going to do it. Nothing is out of the ordinary, but I'm not aware of making a concious decision to do anything.

I'm starting to become really freaked out by all of this. I only see my therapist every other week, so I don't know when I'll be able to talk to her about it. I spent a lot of time thinking this over last night, and started to try to talk to my bf about it, but I can't tell him. I feel like I'm going crazy, and one day I'll just slip away and be someone else.

Hey hi psychnitrous...you are in the right place and are welcomes. I get bouts of DR/DP when anxious and stressed, like sensory overload by overstimulation, but not as bad as you have it. Have you learned any grounding techniques? Like when I go DR, like in a grocery store with all the checkout sounds beeping, people talking, everything moving, tons of color all around, it feels like I step back and be like watching a movie, out of body/mind like-unreality. I usually try to direct my attention to an object and focus on it looking at its shape, color, texture...., or read a label, or get off somewhere quiet. I try to not get lost in the feeling, or Ill have a panic attack.

I hope you get better.

Thanks for replying. I've learned a couple of grounding techniques, but I haven't used them often. One my therapist has encouraged me to use is finding several things that I see, feel, hear, etc., using all my senses. I have a spinner ring also that I've tried to use for grounding, but I have a hard time keeping it on my finger since I don't wear it often to begin with.

my understanding is that "DP" (depersonalization) and "DR" (derealization) are sepperate but often occur together..

depersonalization being that ones body doesnt feel like it belongs... not to you, like you are out of place, and not in the body... more of an altered sense of self...

and derealization being more of an outward altered perception of things surrounding the self becoming unreal, unfamiliar...

i usually experience it together but i think i have read somewhere that some experience one or the other separate from each other..?

the movie thing is super annoying... especially when you start paying attention to it and the other symptoms increase... but i guess thats why i have a hard time remembering anything at all because if i was remembering how strange i feel constantly then i would pull all my hair out and climb a tree and hang upside down naked throwing feces at passing vehicles

its super freaky... just have to try to remain calm and like AC said pull your attention to other things...
reminding myself that its normal reaction to severe axniety and stress and things helps a little... and also that its not going to really hurt us as much as it feels like we are losing our minds... for me if i let the attack over take me it gets worse and can spiral way out of my control... i've had really crazy effects.. like losing my eye sight during this... not being able to walk or see or talk.. blablablabla.... but i am really messed up in the head so i hope that you're not experiencing such severity of symptoms... it super sucks...

i dunno if those conversion type symptoms come from the dp but i always seem to be highly dissociated when it has happened...

definitely make notes of these experiences since you might forget what it feels like after the affects go away.. and try to talk to T about it

in 2013 both disorders have been combined into one mental disorder (Depersonalization/derealization Disorder 300.6 (F48.1))

depersonalization\derealization disorder is the name
300.6 is its assigned number in the DSM5 (diagnostic statistical manual 5th edition)
F48.1 is its assigned number in the IDC (international diagnostics classification)

here in america treatment providers use the DSM5 and in some countries outside the USA they use the IDC so the american psychiatric association made sure that both standards reflect the same thing and that the disorder name and classification matches\can be converted to the IDC numbers for those using one or the other or both diagnostic manuals.

thanks amanda, its all confusing to me .. im trying to understand feelings and sensations that i have tried to ignore for ever, and then when i tried to give credence to them a little others told me it was something else, anxiety - which i guess maybe part of it..? but i dunno, its strange thing when you fall out of your body into a water world of Unfamiliarity

edt:
oh.. i just meant the feelings being different from each other..
:::

does DP effect the cognitive functioning..?
i have become so bad that i could not spell even a simple word.. or string together simple sentance that i was trying to say...

the next day when you see a piece of paper you were trying to play hangman with your mom, and the simple word bowl is spelt bolw, you cant help but feel so retarded

i guess thats what you get for trying to distract yourself during much symptoms... too strong to play the card game so try to do something more simple and cant even do that

in ........General..... yes dissociative problems can affect a persons cognitive functioning depending upon ones own problems\combination of problems..

directly related to you I cant answer that one because doing that would be making a diagnosis and two your treatment providers diagnosed you with other things not dissociative problems. what I can say is that everything you have been posting is consistent with what they have diagnosed you with...if you were here in my own location.

to find out what is going on with in you, like I have said many times to you, is that the best route for you is to contact your treatment providers and let them know you dont agree with their diagnosis's and want to be re evaluated, this way you do not have to keep making these guesses on whats what with in you and end up stressing yourself out.

only your treatment providers can say what is causing you to have the problems you are having and how to best fix those problems.

thanks.. i've been tryin to just chill compared to what was happening before resuming treatment back at the clinic..
talking to this new therapist seems to be different this time as more trauma related stuff is coming up rather than them trying to push bipolar diagnosis on me to cover all my crazyness..

i dont really know what the therapists plan is or what the new evaluation revealed to her.. maybe i can get them to discuss my diagnosis with me this time around... last time the people just kept telling me that diagnosis doesnt matter, and when i tried to tell them its important to me atleast they just kept saying im bipolar/manic and stop playing doctor...

i've never been manic before in my life though

anyway... im going to just try my hardest to come outright and tell the therapist these things and just see what she says.. if i dont get too scared and ... well whatever happens to me
she wants to see the jornal anyway.. maybe it just be a good thing to show and let go of trying to be the one in control.. why is it scary?
i guess sometimes you have no choice, sorry for not making a lot of sense.. my head is all messed up.. guess thats why i like to write things down and give them notes instead of trying to rely on my voice

blessings...

i hope its ok for me to share just a couple articles i found interesting...
as im extremely depressed right now and dont think i should be talking to anyone...
but i thought they were interesting articles... maybe someone else can enjoy them and take away from them a few tidbits of information to search upon... seems like sometimes when you feel something like this its something that no one will believe you... and when those you try to say to... the just "relate" and invalidate the complete and utter despair that you feel...
but of course you cant blame them... i dont listen to myself either... stupid stupid stupid....

swear im going to.... so tired.... but its not about me....

dont mean to hijack your thread... hope everyone else is well....
enjoy the read....

Depersonalization Disorder | Center for Behavioral Health | Cleveland Clinic

https://www.theguardian.com/society/...fects-millions

Thanks for all the responses everyone. Sorry I've been pretty absent, these episodes have been pretty constant, and the days are just bleeding into each other right now.

Hey.

Time to me is like water in my hand. No matter how I try to hold it bits are forever falling out. I cannot comprehend time well at all. It's either going too slow, too fast, jumping around, or just.... nothing. Just confusing. It's horrible. I never know the day. I never know the time. I never know what o did the day or week before and how long ago it was. I put this down to my dissociation. I get derealization quite a bit when extremely stressed. I turn to philosophy when that occurs. As for the time thing. I can't help just letting you know if you find out please tell me how to deal with this hahaha.

You're not alone xx

Hi Lucy,

I am sorry you've been experiencing difficulties with tracking time, days, etc.
Have you tried things like: Posting calendars, having a clock in each area/room, wearing a watch with time/date information on it, using a cell phone with time/date/calendar on it, keeping a diary, etc?

Do you spend a lot of time alone?
Do you have a daily schedule?

Some people have good luck, when trying to complete tasks, setting a timer or an alarm clock, on a watch or tabletop -- which helps them to recognize the time as it passes.

Many tools/cues can be helpful in getting a handle on memory and tracking time. Some approaches work better for some than do others.

What have you found helpful?

My Best,
WC

Thank you to PsychNitrous and elevatedsoul and lucysmith90, for this topic and these comments and questions.

I've lived with DP/DR for most of my life. It took a random comment from elevatedsoul on another thread for me to realize that there might be 'triggers' in my life that cause the DP/DR 'feelings'. Before that, I just always thought, 'well, this is just who I am and how I see things'. It never occurred to me that it might be a response to triggers like overstimulus or anxiety.

Reading some of your comments, I've realized that I'm not the only one living with this.
POSSIBLE TRIGGERS?
>
>
>
>
Right now I'm struggling with a lot of emotional exhaustion. When that happens, it gets really hard to keep going, because all I have to look back on is a lifetime of feeling like this life & this body doesn't really fit me very well, anyway. That is not very conducive to wanting to hang on. I'm not really sure why I haven't given up yet, except that I must be exceptionally pig-headed stubborn.

well... im in the middle of losing whats left of this mind so i hope that i didnt say something to give you a wrong idea... its a miracle that anything i write is the least bit coherent...
im totally emotionally exhausted too... really takes a toll... just makes it worse...
try to seek help as fast as possible... oh man...

You brought light to me, elevatedsoul, by helping me see things from a new angle. You encouraged me, and I thank you for that.

I think what scares me most is not when I feel tempted to end it all... It's when I can't feel. You know? When I feel so disconnected, when my emotions seem to belong to someone else, that's when it's scary to me.

Keep trying, elevatedsoul. You'll make it through; it's just hard to see that right now.

I read this and I just wanted to scream 'get out of my mind!!!' LOL. My inability to perceive time is a massive joke in our family. My husband instinctively knows how much time has passed, even without a watch, the wiseass. For me, however, 5 minutes and 30 minutes feel the same. 15 minutes or 45, I can't tell.

I have alarms, and I have alarms for my alarms. I leave post it notes everywhere. (a work joke). I use my snooze button a lot, because it goes off every 9 minutes, and that helps me track the passage of time during key points of the day. It can be pretty irritating, though.

I do still preserve at least one day a week where I don't use alarms or even pay attention to what the time is.