questions: dissociative disorders version

I do. It was not a good experience for Thanksgiving!! I really would be ok if I didn't see my mom or my brother again. Don't really see that as an option but wish it was.

I have no flipping idea how I could possibly be connected or related to them in any way. It makes me angry and I just choose to go away.

Do you fit the genre of your family?

Birth family. Tried to edit and it wouldn't let me.

we've not spoken in 12 years.

so go figure..
have you had to deal with any new parts in the past year

Yes, quite a few have come up. (To clarify - I mean 'new to my knowledge/awareness').

My new therapist asked how many alters there are and I told her I didn't know as I didn't keep a tally, and it didn't matter anyway. She disagreed. What do you think?
Does it really matter how many alters there are?

I don't know.

in the longterm, I suppose not. we have enough to deal with in our lives without wondering how many alters their are.

in the shortterm, I have actually tried to figure out how many alters their are (but still missed a few)

a rough Idea isn't bad, I don't think- if you know that information, but not knowing really isn't going to threaten things.

who was your original alter? (the first 1 to show up)

natalie.

what is your biggist concern about the future

Will I ever be able to be in a loving relationship.

Does everyone around you know?

That is one of my major concerns too!! As long as I was morphing into whatever I needed to be, it seemed like all was well. Then, when I began to see what was going on, there is a major, major question of trusting enough for a real relationship to really happen. I pray in time, healing will happen and it can be so.

I've tried to talk with people close to me about what I'm understanding to be happening and how it's been. There really is no understanding. Sad place to be. Hopefully healing will come for that too.

I think the biggest thing that I've to deal with is embracing and accepting betrayal blindness. Seeing it for it was and accepting that it was, whether I want to acknowledge it or not.

What has been the hardest think for you to embrace/accept?

The hardest thing for me to accept. My diagnosis, I suppose. Tied in wih that is that I am mentally ill, that I am needy, the shame that goes with being needy... Ugh.

And, only 2 people around me know. But I don't have many people around me. I haven't told anyone in my family.

Did you celebrate Thanksgiving?

No. I don't live in the US. Or Canada. Or anywhere else that celebrates Thanksgiving. I have however been to thanksgiving celebrations before, hosted by American friends living in my own country. All I can say is.... green bean casserole. Mmmmmmmmm!

Are you compassionate towards your self/selves? If not, why not?

Oh man!!! Green bean casserole rocks!! It is truly yummy and is a part of Thanksgiving eating!

I am very compassionate of my parts and the pieces they have been for me. I thank them more than I have words or understanding right now for.

I value them.

Do your other parts overshadow you, with you there? Like you are a passenger and watching it, without having a voice?

That wasn't correct correct English. Sorry.

if you mean, do the other parts take over more than the actual host, yes.

(I didn't know exactly what you meant, but that's what I gathered from it)

I own the body, and barely get to use it for myself.

who is your youngest part

My youngest part is 3 mo. Very fragmented visual images and mostly body memories.

I was on my way to meet with my counselor tonight. I wound up in a place that I didn't know where I was. I figured it out, and realized I had gone past the street that I was supposed to turn on. The place I found myself was at a dead end, with a traffic light. Pretty strange feeling!! Thank goodness for the dead end. I wonder where I would have wound up, without the stop light!!

Have you ever "gone away" driving somewhere?

Yes. A recent time that was when driving towards another city... I was going up a really big hill (it went on and on and on - it was such a huge hill I was utterly fascinated by it) and when I finally reached the top I rounded the corner and -
I was driving along a road right next to a beach. And the hills were far, far behind me.

Lost time isn't always so apparent to me. It has a habit of slipping away without my awareness usually.

What is your experience of losing time? How does it happen for you?

I'm in the process of trying to figure that out right now. It seems to be as fluid for me as the dissociation is. I guess it is the same thing, only in a different form and intensity.

Maybe?

Are you aware in the moment that you experience a time loss, or does it come to you later and you realize it?

Hope that makes sense.

more often than not, later

something will come up, or someone will ask me a question, and i'll realise it's happened.

how patient are you?

very impatient

it happens this second, or not at all

what was the last thing to honestly make you laugh

ATAT's comment about jumping out of Art's pocket and bopping her t on the nose, if needed.

What food do you like to snack on?

chocolates, gummy candy, cookies, potato chips (all the healthy things lol)
do you remember ever not being D.I.D?, if so- what was it like for you

We remember what it was like before the host-of-the-time was diagnosed. It wasn't much fun for her. She was swept along with the changing tide doing the best she could to swim and not sink. She found herself here, there and everywhere, but no matter how desperately she tried to stay in one place she never could.

But, no, we don't remember not having DID.

If you could get your insiders to do one thing that would be supportive of you, what would it be?

For me, it varies. Last week I left t3, and ended up in the wrong city. I realized that I had lost time when I switched back and realized where I was. Fortunately, I did recognize the place. I took notes to share with t3 because that gives us a target to work on.

Other times, I realize that I have lost time when my husband assures me that we did something that I have no recollection of having done.

I don't mind the losing time so much if I haven't been interacting with people. I find it shameful when I can't remember the interaction.

Do you have parts that are older than your body age? And if so, how did they get that old?

Yes, that is actually two questions.

Bless you, that you were in another city!! That would have totally freaked me out! Again, I'm grateful that I came back to myself at the dead end of the road!!

[/QUOTE]Other times, I realize that I have lost time when my husband assures me that we did something that I have no recollection of having done.[/QUOTE]

This has happened to me too. My husband is so forgetful and alzheimer's runs in his family, I've always written it off as that. Hum. Not so sure anymore.

[/QUOTE]I don't mind the losing time so much if I haven't been interacting with people. I find it shameful when I can't remember the interaction.[/QUOTE]

I believe this might be the biggest part of the flip out over this! It happened by myself, but what if it has happened before and I don't know it. There are times, in question, that cause me great shame at the thought of "what if?" What if the thoughts I'm thinking are truly real? That is quite disturbing!

[/QUOTE]Do you have parts that are older than your body age? And if so, how did they get that old?

Yes, that is actually two questions.[/QUOTE]

It's really interesting that you posted this question! Just before I checked the feed, I was thinking of starting a thread titled "How Old Do You Really Feel?"

I do not have parts that feel older than me. I was actually talking with my counselor Monday about feeling like I have never grown up. All the parts of me that I know are younger than my actual age. If I had to tell you how old I felt right now, I would tell you that I feel about 14 years old.

I don't feel like I have grown up.

There is a part of me that feels like, maybe my actual age. That is the part of me that runs. I can't find that part of me right now. It's sad.

Ok. Rambling......

Question.

So. How old do you really feel?

I feel 26. The body is quite a bit older.

Reflecting on the previous post - I too hate it most when my amnesia involves others. I don't ever think I lose time at work, but there are plenty of times when others ask or tell me about things that I have no recollection of which suggests otherwise. They tell me about plans that have been jointly made, things I have said, paperwork I was supposed to complete and hand in) but I have no recollection of at all. Often these things are from the same day, previous day or previous week. But I just have no clue. I claim bad memory, apologize and move on.
Other times I have let others down because I was supposed to do something that I was supposed to know about, but didn't. For example, a relative called me to ask why I hadn't paid the parking ticket. What parking ticket, I asked. The one you got on ___ when you borrowed my car, they said. Told me the time and date and location of the ticket. I have no memory of the ticket but know I had therapy in that area on that time and date. Apparently 'I' showed them the ticket and had a lengthy conversation about it with them on the day. Promised I would pay. Now the person has received a payment overdue notice. I have no recollection at all. The person is very angry, very upset that I am saying I don't remember. I apologize and promise to pay. Person says she is sick of my constant lies, hangs up on me.
Luce feels bad.

Next question:
do you get accused of lying a lot?

no not really

we sometimes get the, "it was you" treatment if another insider does something and the person has no idea we're multiple, but a lot of the time it's just shrugged off and left

if you woke up tomorrow and all your alters had vanished, how would you feel about it

I would be devastated. Because we are all parts of this whole person here, and this person here cannot be whole without all of the parts.
I know my own limitations. There are so many aspects of life that I can't do. I don't really 'do' emotions, for one. If the others were gone, there would be so little left of a whole person that life would be unbearable. It would just be wrong. I on my own am nothing.
For me, the only way through is with all of us together.

Same question for the next person. This is an important question.