questions: dissociative disorders version

Kids rock.

If I had a million dollars...I'd buy you a monkey!..haven't you always wanted a monkey? but seriously I have always wanted a monkey and give the rest to my babies for college or whatever they decide to do when they are grown

How many on record dxs do you collectively as a whole currently hold?

Psych diagnoses... just 2. DID and major depression. Oh. And ADHD.
We knew a 'pet' monkey when we were in Asia. He was owned by the resort we stayed at. He was chained up for the amusement of the resort guests. We spent a lot of time giving him love... just sitting with him and letting him feel safe. It was despicably cruel for him to spend his whole life chained up for the amusement of people. We felt so very very bad for him, but could do nothing about it but give him as much love and safety as we could in the time we were there, and hope that other people would do the same when we were gone.

Have you been to another country?

A fantastic blueprint for living and interacting with any sentient being in my opinion.

Oh my yes. Too many to count. Love your country Luce...many others too but politics and other factors change places irrevocably through time so I'm reluctant to put some of my favorite places down. For instance, I found Lebanon wondrous once upon a time, but much of that changed in the early 90's.

Okay, let's see...question time...

What is the largest number of pets you have ever had at one time?

We would buy a monkey to rehabilitate him and set him free!!! Do you know you can 'adopt' orang-utans? We have adopted some. We pay money for other people to rehabilitate them and teach them how to orang-utan.Then they release them to a protected rainforest. Safe from all the people who are trying to cut down their homes to make palm oil plantations so people can make shampoo and buy stuff at the supermarkets. The orangutans we help pay for are called Chocolate and twins Rocky and Rockina. They were babies but now they have grown up a bit and go to jungle school every day!!

The most pets we have had ummmmm ....... maybe seven. We had chickens and cats. Now we have two cats.

Are you allergic to anything??

I'm allergic to nearly everything airborne, but mold and rabbits are very dangerous for me to be around especially.

do you like camping?

I moved 700 miles away from everyone I know. I think it was time to move but right now I don't know. I am going to have to find a therapist because I'm not doing that good. I need help

((((Clarity))))

Camping....only been once...rocks are not fun to sleep on

What's your favorite book?

Clarity, that is a brave move. You can do this. See if you can call around and find a support person. Years ago we did the same thing. After a week we were terrified and confused and called around some places to find a support person. We had lots of walls - they couldn't take on new clients for months, outright nos, stuff like that. Then we called a community center and spoke to someone who calmed us down right away. She made an appointment to see us the next afternoon. She is now our ex T, much loved, much missed, but we still keep in touch with her.
You can do this. Find that person for you. They will help you through the hardest bits. While you are looking you can get support from here.

we honestly don't read much anymore (we don't have the focus for it)

railway children though. 1 of the few we managed to read to the end (and we actually had a cool radio drama of that at 1 stage)

shame the movie version sucks

are you happy where you live, or would you move given the chance

I would love to move. I hate my landlord. He is a narcissist and he used to be my friend, till I found out who he was when he tried to emotionally control me. I'm only here because of my cat. This coming summer I want to change things, even if I have to get rid of my cat. I need to get away from the man.

What is the best thing a T has ever done for you?

I don't know if I would call this the 'best' thing, but this one certainly sticks in my mind as someone going above and beyond to help out another human being... A few months back ex T (ex for over 15 years) gave us an emergency Skype session when we were in crisis and no other support was available. She was on vacation in another continent at the time, and got up at 6am so she could talk to us in privacy. She wouldn't let us pay for it, either.

Same question for next person... what is the best thing a T has ever done for you?

Looked me in the eye and told me that they believed me. Everything they ever did for me after that was only possible because of that.

How many people currently in your life know you have alters?

Been consistent. For years. Stayed calm and patient even when I was freaking out, even when diagnosed DID and he had no clue how to help.

How many people have you told that you dissociate?

Outside of therapists... 3. Two of those 3 also have DID. The other was a life long friend. She said she thought it explained stuff... she had thought I had something like bipolar disorder. But she didn't really 'get it' and we never spoke of it again. For various reasons we have had different alters fronting this year and this friend recently ended the 30 year friendship saying that we seemed to have moved on (no, just more traumatized and coping less and her 'friend' hasn't been around much) and we are not the same anymore.
Sad sad sad.

Does anyone around you 'get it'?

I'm so sorry Luce. The people I've reached out to don't understand what I'm working through. I've just reached out to them in friendship. I've shared too much because the part of me that wants to be heard comes out. They have receded into my background. It seems that I'm a bit of a recluse at this point. I'm really hoping I can find a place/group that I feel safe.

It's a precarious place. I'm hopeful though.

Question.

It seems that dissociation is a gift, from what I've read. Would you like to not have that gift? Weird question I know.

if you mean do you wish we didn't have the disorder, I don't know.
their are times where we wish we never had it (especially during really tough times), but their are times where we're glad we've got it and we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves if it wasn't their

related to this question,

what is something positive you have gotten out of this disorder

Oh my, where to begin...

I have learned cooperation and how to listen to alternate points of view and respect them even when I disagree with everything in me. I was a better parent having learned how to live with a little before I had a child. I am a better husband than I otherwise would have been because I learned how to compromise with, value and love someone who was completely different. I have more patience with folks who are different or suffer with mental illness.

We have a Dissociative Identity Survival System and categorically reject the word 'disorder'.

you forgot to ask a question

so...

are all your parts 1 gender, or mixed?

Thank you for saying this Yagr! I agree completely.

To answer the question.

The parts of me that I have found are female, like me, except for one. It's a protector part, and a part that feels like a "big brother"

Is there a part of you that you are more thankful for?

At the moment we are particularly thankful for J, who is 8 and the most wonderful, caring and helpful soul. She is finding creative ways to nurture and support a bunch of ones whom we have never thought to nurture before, and the ripples of compassion and caring for these parts of self are spreading out throughout the system. Thank you, J, you are amazing!

Is there a part of self you are struggling to connect with at the moment?

I like J too, the way your describe her. I also have a part that is similar to her. It's a 12yo part that came forward, very angry. That part would be like a part that "woke up" and was ready to make right of the wrongs that have happened. She now has much compassion for the younger parts that are now being found. The 12yo was one of the first parts of me that came forward. I'm very thankful for the moment I saw her take my hand. Don't really have words to explain that. That is the part that now volunteers to help smaller/younger parts feel safe and not alone.

There is a part of me that I am trying to reach right now. It's a sad part, that is covered by anger and tempered with compliance. It's a part that wishes and longs for what was not. There feels like confusion and struggle trying to connect with that part. Journaling and listening, I believe, are the answer. It just takes a bit of time. Prayer helps tremendously.

The parts that come out, at first feel like they want to be so self sufficient. It's like they have to figure this out and make it right by themselves. It's been discovered that that is not really a good way to look at it.

What do you find to be the best way to reach a part that is in distress or hurting - confused?

She sounds pretty awesome, too.

Just offering them kindness, love, and unconditional acceptance.