[Claritytoo]

Went to my therapist. She doesn't believe in DID. We did tell her about us but she is skeptical. It's irritating but right now she offers a safe place where I can talk to a person and not just cross talk in my head. I also don't want to do trauma work right now because I am not in the right frame of mind. It felt good to talk to someone. It allows me to hear myself and it's cathartic.

the main thing going on with us (obviously), is trying to find a mommy for alicia.

it's an ongoing thing, and a lot of us actually believe that she'll never find a mommy (we know we can't change our real 1, and that really sucks), but out of everyone inside, no one is really willing

we were thinking about just ffinding a way to explain to alicia why she can't have a mommy, or why we don't talk to the old one (though our mental health worker says she probably knows)

maybe so

it is still ongoing

other stuff still remains the same.. like no sleep and intense flashbacks (mainly family stuff)

ugg we hate our family, but can you blame us

[Fuzzybear]

I still get intense flashbacks too re family.. sucks

I don't blame you for hating family (((( hugs )))))

[Fuzzybear]

I doubt if a therapist would "believe" in "others"

But if they aren't abusive that doesn't matter all that much I guess..

As I hardly go out of my cave these days it would be ... hard

I absolutely hate washing my fur in the bath... I prefer the river but this is not allowed

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I still get intense flashbacks too re family.. sucks

I don't blame you for hating family (((( hugs )))))

thank you

family is such a difficult subject at times..

[Claritytoo]

I am off xanax. I feel like hell but now I have to find better ways to tread my anxiety.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I am off xanax. I feel like hell but now I have to find better ways to tread my anxiety.

spoke too soon. nasty withdrawal symptoms. I guess i have been taking this too long to stop yet. at .5 and holding

4 pannic attacks in 2 days.

that is all

[Fuzzybear]

It sure feels like a cold cold world sometimes..

Panic attacks grrrr ((((( hugs )))))

[TrailRunner14]

D##. It. Boy!!!

It's a southern redneck saying that means someone has had about enough flipping much!!!!! It's very close to a gut felt yell outside for God and everybody else to know. Enough!!!'

Thank you!! I just had to put that here. I'll explain later.

[anais_anais]

I just had a big realization... I saw more than a couple people here referring to "analytical" or "intelligent" as a different part. I always wondered why, when I go to see T1, I can talk very well, but as far as we're concerned I have no trauma. She knows it happened but when I'm with her, I just don't know what she's talking about and when I try to answer her questions, I either deny it or the part of my mind that makes words just goes grey.

But when I go to T2, he brings all the kids out somehow, he knows the truth, but I sure can't say anything smart about it! Nothing I say makes sense there. But he tells it all to T1 which is how she knows. And it's ok with me, it's our arrangement and T1 is good at other things.

I never knew about parts beyond the directly trauma-related ones. But I guess they've been here all along.

[OliverB]

My dear co-Me is bringing some insight, uhmmmm.... he is a rational one, that's good, he says I am deep in my crazyness, but to make sure to keep functioning.

Meh. I wonder because of him if I just have a really strong dissociative response from complex PTSD or if it is not complex PTSD but a dissociative disorder. Who knows.

I love kangaroos

I love pirates

shiver me timbers

boing

[TheDragon]

Can't seem to sleep properly anymore.....I don't know why. I was sleeping fine for a while. Got meds adjusted for it too....just can't sleep.

Originally Posted by TheDragon

Can't seem to sleep properly anymore.....I don't know why. I was sleeping fine for a while. Got meds adjusted for it too....just can't sleep.

I can certainly relate to this one.

having no sleep sucks, but for us it's been for so long we're used to it

we got an easter egg.

kind of cool and unexpected.

probably won't last too long knowing us

the movie finding dori makes me cry

watched it today and was like aww, poor fishy

all that effert to find her family to be told they are gone, but then finds them anyway

glad I finally got to see it though.

ellen's great! (both as an actresss and as a chat show host)

[Amyjay]

What I am going thru feels so big and overwhelming I get too bogged down in my own stuff sometimes. My whole world feels like it is begin turned upside down and inside out and then thrown in the trash.
But my best friend just told me she's been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her only symptom was weight loss over the last few months and now she's been told she has advanced stage 4 bowel cancer that has spread to both her liver and lungs. Chemo will buy her some months but other than that they can only offer symptom relief.
She's 38. She has a 7 year old daughter and 4 year old son. She just graduated with a masters in psych and has been at her new job for 3 weeks.
Suddenly my lot doesn't seem so bad. ;(
There is no rhyme or reason to life.

i'm actually not in spain

i'm not on a beach, i'm not at a hotel, and i'm not at a water park

I am not packing to go home, I am not going out for dinner

these are things i've been trying to tell myself all day

it feels like i'm in spain on the last day of my holiday.

completely lost where I am

well, I know where I am now, but before..

[kecanoe]

Anxiety has been high lately, and that makes me switchy. Which makes me anxious. Sigh.

I see T3 tonight. I'm apprehensive bc I think a part of me shut down the session last time. That is the first time that has happened with brain spotting and I don't like it.

sun affects our mood so bad

just wish it would go away

and we're wondering where yesterday went

like we wern't alive to see it

keep thinking today's tuesday and yesterday was monday, but no.. yesterday was tuesday.

just lost the time I suppose

[TheDragon]

Nervous. Jittery. Excited. Scared.

I posted this before, but will post it again

wishing the sun and the briteness will go away

playing havock with our MI

our big fan broke (the really big one we had for years)

well, at least, we thought it did, but turns out something had just fallen off it, so we put it back on and now it works again

we've had that for years, it's really good it's still going