[TrailRunner14]

I was told last night to pack my s### and get out. I packed my stuff, but couldn't decide where I would go. I locked the bedroom door and went to bed. He banged on the door a few times and then stopped. I didn't cower. I didn't hide in the bathroom. I feel like I was brave!

Today doesn't feel very good, but I am going to walk through it. I think he's trying to figure out what happened.

I still feel brave today. I just wish it wasn't like this!

[Solnutty]

Hey peeps, I'm new here, this is my first reply. I discovered my alters after several EMDR sessions this last summer. That form of therapy was amazingly effective, in fact too much! Now I am blessed to have a therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders and I'm getting to know how to deal with my parts, and learning about them. For the last 6 years I've been caring for my mom who has Alzheimer's, at home, and just in the last two weeks she's been sent to a nursing facility. Really it has been a huge relief for me, but of course it's also a huge change. I went to see her a few days ago and that was soooooo hard. See, my mom was an alcoholic and emotional abuser when I was little, and she suffered from her own severe mental health issues. I seriously can't believe I cared for her (ha! Of course another part made that possible) but seeing her brought up so many emotions and memories from different parts-- there's been some fallout. Most of my parts are fearful or threatened by my mom, or at least the memories (we're learning things are not the same anymore) while a few love Mom and miss her. Oye. And now I'm getting a job and will be going back to school. Anyway it's a lot to deal with. I've been finding it hard to check in and find out how my known parts are doing.

[elevatedsoul]

colors... these colors are so different...
weird.. strange... vivid...

[TrailRunner14]

My earlier post makes me sound like one of those people who are in abusive relationships that complain and whine about it but don't do anything about it. That makes a part of me angry.

I don't know how to do anything about it. I started to last night and I froze.

I'm sorry if I'm whiny and continue to stay and just keep taking it. I don't want things to stay the same. I just don't know how to change it.

I can't stand whiners and I don't want to do that and not do something about it.

[TrailRunner14]

I need to go away.

[TrailRunner14]

I can't do this. I can't put up a front and make it look like things are ok for my kids when I'm coming undone inside. By myself.

I'm angry. I'm alone. I don't belong here.

Forgive me.

another weekend of no sleep!

doing absolute **** all today.

just cooking later

I have a fun life!

[anais_anais]

I am pretty sure I'm real today, but I don't know what caused the change. That bothers me.

[dlantern]

Good afternoon everyone chilling today going to movies and music. I can't deal with constantly wanting what the kid alters endured while around adults. I might as well claim it all. Here is an example: Don't look at me I'm on the phone! Sad facing, it too the room. Maybe I actually as a kid didn't need to know what my parent was talking about on the phone......

I'm going to movies and music instead of succumbing to the pull I wanna know feeding the gossip without you all actually asking. The gossip corner and the amen corner will throw off to someone else that can keep us safe and inaccessible because this is more interesting anyway. I think they need to pay for writing all those movies and movies about our pain!

my family decided to send me a package today (even though they said to the police that they will leave me alone)

opened the box, took out the stuff and through it all away without a second look.

left really triggered though.. I don't need it

just finished eating breakfast.

bacon

another boring day on the horizon

spoke to my friend with PTSD yesterday.

she was calm yesterday, and very easy to talk to

(for those that don't know, read the topic I posted in anxiety)

[OliverB]

It seems I have a DD too, along with schizophrenia, as a consequence or severe expression of CPTSD.

At work. Everyone thinks Im weird. Want to quit. Fantasizing about it.

almost dinner time and i'm starving.

having chicken burgers, chips and naan bread

1 of my alters decided for me. so their we go

I didn't actually want chicken burgers, but that's what I have

[anais_anais]

I saw a picture of baby ducks in a bathtub and it triggered a memory:

When I was maybe six, we found an abandoned nest of duck eggs in my grandmother's yard. So we brought them all down to the basement and put the eggs in a towel under a light, next to the water heater. They hatched soon and we filled up the laundry tub with water and let them paddle around there. They were all greasy and wet looking when they came out of the eggs.

I don't know why but the memory made me cry.

[TheDragon]

I'm scared, giddy, nervous, excited, happy and scared all at the same time. It's very overwhelming.....but I know it'll be worth it.

i'm sort of scared and excited at the same time

1 of us (yolanda), is remembering things we don't want to remember (or don't actually rememberr happening, to be more exact)

though she mentioned a song by a singer called paulina rubio, and now when we think about it.. yes, we've heard that name somewhere.

so we went on amazon and found paulina rubio on cd and ordered it

we're just curious how it's going to make us feel playing it

now we think about it, we loved that song by paulina rubeo

but their must be something bad attached to it somewhere... I don't know

paulina rubio:

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I can't do this. I can't put up a front and make it look like things are ok for my kids when I'm coming undone inside. By myself.

I'm angry. I'm alone. I don't belong here.

Forgive me.

TR, are you ok?

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

TR, are you ok?

Thank you for thinking of me. When I posted that I was not in a very good place. I was caught in the middle of an emotional flashback that I couldn't get myself out of and my husband had one of his Jeckle/Hyde switches. The flashback was a very hard one and my husbands switch was a very ugly one.

I'm in a better place emotionally and mentally now.

Thank you for checking on me.

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Thank you for thinking of me. When I posted that I was not in a very good place. I was caught in the middle of an emotional flashback that I couldn't get myself out of and my husband had one of his Jeckle/Hyde switches. The flashback was a very hard one and my husbands switch was a very ugly one.

I'm in a better place emotionally and mentally now.

Thank you for checking on me.

Sounds terrible. Can you get a safety plan in place? Is your husband in some kind of care, t or meds? I can't imagine being locked in my room with someone banging on the door. That sounds terrifying, no wonder you were having flashsbacks.

[Amyjay]

I had a terrible therapy session today. We didn't stop switching, just went round and round, in and out. What a mess.

I didn't get to hear from tara yesterday.

but it's okay.. I know she spent the afternoon at voice lessons, she emailed me today anyway with some lovely piano music and to tell me she had a lovely afternoon

I know she's trying to take my mind off her surgery, but it isn't really working. she'll be going in to hospital tomorrow and i'm dreading it

um what else.... still no sleep, and none of us can remember what (if) we ate yesterday

watched finding dori again today.

that movie is a little bit of a trigger, some of the sceens are really difficult

Possible trigger:

especially the ones involving dori remembering her mommy talking to her

since we never had a supportive mommy... yeah. it's hard to watch that

really brite today

affecting our mood majorly

really bad afternoon yesterday.

lost time (while we were on here), wanted to post something to the anxiety forum but never made it

triggered by hearing the sound of an acordian

food wasn't cooked properly, so made us feel pretty sick afterwards

had a pannic attack

didn't sleep

struggling today with the whole, "what day is it" thing

yep... not good

struggling a lot with abuse memories and family stuff

which in turn is making me feel really depressed.

ugg it really sucks

lost most of the weekend as well

at least tara is out of the hospital though. something to be a little happy about