The Joy of Pretending ❤

Hey there everyone! Not sure if anyone else can relate to this said post but,

Do you know what's fun? Pretending.

Pretending to be a normal person in public.

Don’t get us wrong, this isn’t meant to be a demoralizing post that we’ve made for the sake of sympathy from other systems. We’re actually fortunate enough to say that we’re doing rather okay for being a system these days. The only thing that seems to be causing the heartache happens to be pretending to be that said normal person out in public.

We have a job that we enjoy for the most part and we’re doing well in college but… we’ve kind of cut off a significant portion of friends and family recently because we’re… scared. Scared that they would find out our secret and God knows we already know we’re crazy but, we kind of don’t need anyone who would try to understand what we’d be going through and then later on think we’re nuts.

The people at work try to get close to us too because our department is rather small and theres only really about 9 people or so in it. So someone could imagine that they would all attempt to be good friends with each other. They’re all friends with each other on major social networks which is fine but… they sort of try to drag *us* into it. Obviously, we can't just blurt out and say, “Hey sorry, we can’t be friends with you because we’re a group of three guys stuck in one body that happens to have D.I.D. Thanks for understanding.” The worst part is that we’re actually there to get the job done and not to make friends with the said coworkers. Surely any system would know of the trust issues that come along with having the disorder. So of course, kind of quietly wipe away the tears at our desk because we have to keep operating under this facade of being a normal person and it hurts?

The same can be said during our college courses when we have to be put into group work.
Prof: “Yes, now we’re going to be working in groups.”
Us: *Deep sigh* Great. This again.

And then another thing happens to be a feeling of neglect and shame as a host whenever we’re co-consious but we can’t really have a moment to speak to each other because we’re too busy focused doing whatever we’re doing. Sometimes have thoughts about engaging in self harm but a promise was made a long time ago to the other two that "I" wouldn't harm our body. That being said, have never attempted to.

It’s like, ever get that feeling of some form of sorrow even though you’re doing everything right by the book?

I am not sure I understand.... I mean... doesn't nearly every single person pretend to be 'normal' in public?
We have many, many alters but still have 'friends' in the workplace and in different areas of our lives. Only our DID friend knows we have DID. We share very little personal information with others but different parts of us still enjoy the company of different people.
If you don't want to be friends with others on social media etc you can just say something along the lines of you like to keep your online presence private.

You know there isn't any one standard of a 'normal' person. You're a person. You don't need to be 'normal'. Nobody does. You are a human being and that is enough!

We're sure every human being acts a different way while in front of someone whom they should be respecting but we kind of meant in the sense of the disorder. Our host wouldn't automatically switch to someone else just because our professor would be referring to us in class right?

We've kind of closed our social media accounts ages ago so we don't have to worry about befriending anyone we don't want to talk to outside of work and school and all fortunately We'll try to be more open minded about actually wanting to *be friends* with the public folk within the next coming months so thank you for that Luce.

You do also happen to be right about the normal stuff though. No one is really huh?

yes....i understand. i used to think it was 'just' social anxiety that made interacting with people so difficult...i didn't realize it was triggers and other things for a long time.

it is exhausting and sad that things have to done certain ways just to be safe. i have found sometimes the inner and outer worlds collide, and in order to do things in the outer world, rules get broken in the inner world to do so...and it creates so much havoc. it is confusing and difficult....always a balancing act it seems. sometimes you cannot abide by the rules of any world because they differ from each other.

Hey sorry for this... I just reread your initial post and realized I somehow missed out the whole paragraph about you being scared of being 'found out', and that completely changed the way I read and understood your post.
So yeah,... disregard previous post. Sorry about that.

(((((hugs))))

we think it's great you're doing well in colledge and at work

but we're sorry about the pretending. that does suck, and if it happens to slip out when you don't want it too (happens to us), it can make things worse

No way, haha us too. Couldn’t for the life of us figure out why we would be alright with speaking with strangers for a moment and then later on wanting to stay away from them. Thought we were just stubborn but- suppose not.

Worlds colliding. You are right about the rule breaking, it does get tiresome every now and then but- do what we must.



Forgedaboutit. No worries.

Thank you Atlantis. As a host I did kind of come to terms earlier that telling other folks isn’t generally something that I should toy around with. We’ve dropped some subtle hints here and there to some folks that we trust about having “something” in terms of disorders but- suppose no one has really attempted to get close enough to finding out the truth. We’re good though. The one paradox of wanting to tell someone and while having D.I.D. at the same time is that we don’t really need to depend on another living being to talk to. Ain’t that funny? (Kidding)

May I ask, what would be the worst thing that could happen if they found out your secret? I did read that you might think you are nuts...got that, but really, many people think that the isolationist who refuses to socialize more than they absolutely have to is nuts anyway.

I wrote a post on another forum recently that speaks to this issue and though it speaks to my experience rather than yours, I'm thinking that there is sufficient similarities to just cut and paste - so here we go:

Thank you for sharing the previous post. We're just generally not very open about our affairs with the public folk. In other terms, we just sort of don't think it's any of their business. Sure, it'd be nice to have them refer to us in plural forms to have that sense of support but then they (as in the public or anyone that happens to find out about "Us") would probably be expecting to talk to us individually all the time and that's not generally something that one of us three would probably like. (Not the host)

Basically, not generally afraid of anyone finding out because we would probably end up stonewalling them off before they could get that close and also it doesn't happen to be any of their business as we're not lab animals to be tested on or toyed with.

Please believe me that I respect each of our decisions on how we deal with this and do not believe that there is a one size fits all approach to this but I would like to discuss this further if you are willing.

Do I think my mental health issues are anyone's business besides mine and my health care providers? Absolutely not. That said, keeping it a secret interferes with my ability to be authentic - the lack of which harms us. I have never volunteered our reality with anyone for conversation fodder, attention or judgment - but, to borrow the example I used above, what do I say when it is my turn to choose the music and the 'Disney channel' is the only thing we want to hear? I've two choices: Tell the truth or lie.

Lying does damage to our sense of self because we want to see ourselves as honest and trustworthy. Telling the truth opens us up to questions that we can't answer honestly without telling them about ourselves - or we lie. If we're going to resort to lying then what was the point of us telling the truth in the first place?

So yes, I agree with you unequivocally that it is none of their business - but being true to ourselves is our business. And we are the honest and truthful kind.

I have not found this to be the case for us. I still front most of the time. While it is common for my alter to show up at work, she can do certain aspects of my job and so, for all intents and purposes, no one knows that we've switched. Okay, there are occasions where someone will ask a question and she answers and it would be kind of obvious to my wife or T that they are talking to her - but co-workers are unsure. No one has ever asked to speak to her directly - ever, although there have been times that they have.

Get this too - just never had the experience of someone testing or toying with us in a work situation. If they did, I suspect it would not happen a second time. As I said, I'm extremely protective of her and there would be no mistaking how I felt about that.

Anyway, I just want to close with reiterating that I have nothing but respect for your decision to live your life in the way that makes you most comfortable and safe. Just offering another perspective in friendship and camaraderie.

Ouch, apologies. Didn't mean to imply that we felt attacked when you voiced your opinion. Thank you for the said respect that you mentioned. You do also happen to be right about being honest, if not to others but ourselves. Been in a sour mood as of late because of how busy things have been and the other two generally know me as the one who tries to be the most upbeat. Just this morning at Starbucks, kind of had a moment to decide if "I" as the host would have wanted to share something that we had bought with a family member that was in the car that we've been trying to distance ourselves from. The other two guys (The ones inside) were dormant/asleep and whether it had been one of them, a fragment or even my own conscious, something wanted me to embrace that good part of putting people in front of my own thoughts. (Ended up offering the said item to them.)

And really? Would imagine that it's a bit strange if someone would be talking to you as if your other happened to be there and there would be an awkward moment if they weren't. (For us anyway. "Oh sorry, he's asleep. It's just me.")

That's so sweet. We're similar in the aspect of that. As the host, I've told the other two that I would take a bullet for either one of them if I would have to but they would always deflect the compliment by saying "Please don't." as it would obviously harm all of us. (It's the thought that counts?)

No really- Thank you for taking time out of your day to post your said thoughts. The only opinions that we're pretty open to hearing these days are from those who are like well- us.

I didn't feel that way but candidly, until I've read a hundred or so posts by a person I run into on a psych forum, I err on the side of eggshell walking. Kind of operate off the idea of 'First, do no harm."

Amen to that.

I would absolutely agree that it's the thought that counts. There is an old saying, "Be careful of what you say because you are listening." How much more true is this with multiples? She knows that I will throw myself under the bus for her. I'll embarrass myself, be willing to humiliate myself, etc., if it would serve her - and once I became willing to do so, she made sure I never had to.

I think that's a major point hidden in what I said earlier - I talk about her not because anyone else needs to know, but she needs to know that I am not ashamed or embarrassed by her. Granted, she knows that now and maybe I could stop - but my wife knows I love her and I haven't stopped telling her that I love her either.

Not sure that I added anything in this post that was worth hearing - just have enjoyed the conversation and your posts and wanted to nurture a continued connection.

I so get what you say in your first post....and it is very tiresome, it takes too much mental energy on everyone to pretend to be a singleton.

We did it for years....but at body age 46....we can't do it anymore, but when we were younger we had that youthful energy and drive. Today....why bother?

Life is a blur...and still is today when you are living 5-50 lives at once.

Joy? I get the sarcasm. Good luck with all that....but do take timeout to connect with your others at least 30-60 minutes a day....you need to for system sanity sake.

That’s rather amusing on the idea of talking with the multiples. Whenever two of us are co-conscious and we’re talking about one out of the three (Nothing bad) kind of get this eerie feeling that they might be listening.

Sure thing, appreciate the insight.

We would imagine so. Thanks for the honesty haha.

Did follow your advise during lunch today and it did help out instead of spending the afternoon being on edge. Genuine thanks