What were your first signs of DID?

I have had one disassociate state when I was a teenager. I didn't remember it until I was 36. Once I remembered that disassociation, memories of childhood sexual abuse came flooding back. I haven't had any disassociative states that I know of since I was a teen (and for sure when I was a child, but I know this common and doesn't mean you have DID). My doctors labeled me as bipolar and also that I have PTSD as a result of past trauma (I've been through a lot of **** in my life). I've had some obvious manic spells where I have auditory hallucinations, but now I'm starting to have auditory hallucinations (more like an internal dialogue) even when I just feel anxious. The inner dialogue is basically what I said to my abusers, what my abusers said to me, and then a really nice voice that calms me down. The voices I hear of me as a child are always the same. I don't know if this is PTSD(hallucinations occur with that disorder as well), or possibly the first symptoms of DID?

your title question.... What were your first signs of DID?

given that I didnt know I had DID until adulthood I have no idea what my first signs of DID were... you see I was abused under the age of 5, therefore any signs of my having DID would have been there since before I was 5yrs old. the result everything that was DID in me I grew up as it being normal for me.I just thought everyone had voices in their heads, trouble remembering things, spacing off, feeling numb, feeling disconnected... in other words everything that was my dissociation symptoms. even now after I had been diagnosed, years of therapy and now am where all my alters are integrated to where we are all one whole person again, there still is no way to know what my first disconnect into an alter is, what my first voice was, what my first time I felt numb was, what my first time hearing voices was... all that stuff that came with my being DID. my childhood brain just didnt think in terms of mental disorder labels and when was the first time/ first symptom kind of thing.

from your post your statement of inner dialogue of what you said and what others have said to you... do you mean that your inner dialogue is words you have said before to people and what others have said to you before but replaying in conversation style?

example today I told my wife I love you, see you at lunch and she said to me love you more lets do "Pipers Place" today.

then just a bit ago I heard voices in my head saying I love you see you at lunch and love you more lets do pipers place today.

in me my treatment providers call this normal flashbacks. how I handle this situation is recognizing the conversation and smiling.

my suggestion would be just to go according to what your own treatment providers say this is in you.(your post says they diagnosed you as bipolar and PTSD) they are the ones that know what other accompanying symptoms you are having, what your health history is, your lifestyle, culture and so many other things that go into making the diagnosis.

what I can tell you is what you posted (hallucinations, voices, and such) does happen with me because of my bipolar disorder and ptsd and other non dissociative disorders.

If you do have DID, you've had it all this time since childhood. It would be a good idea to look up the symptoms of DID, DDNOS, and CPTSD to compare those to what you are experiencing. All these are on the spectrum of dissociative disorders. Educate yourself as much as possible on the basics of these disorders, because it's easy to get mixed information from individual experiences. Everyone is very different, even within these diagnoses.
The reality of DID didn't crash in on my consciousness until age 36. I was in therapy doing EMDR, which was bringing up more traumatic memories than I could handle, and one of my alters started talking to me. He told me I needed to listen to him because these memories were too much for me. He also said he would stop my next therapy session if needed to keep me from being overwhelmed. Honestly, looking back I can't believe I denied so much of what was going on in my head and my life. Of course, that was my job--to look normal, believe I'm normal, and maintain normal life.
As far back as I can possibly remember I have talked to myself constantly when alone, in different voices, answering questions, laughing at my jokes, and referring to myself as we, both privately and in my thoughts. I have also always had internal voices. These voices remark on what I'm doing and have their own ideas about things. I was seriously surprised to discover other people don't have voices in their head. For me it was just like background noise I was used to. And with the talking to myself, I just thought I was really quirky. Realizing the voices we're talking TO ME was like listening to the radio and realizing the announcer is discussing what you are doing and giving instructions
It was also a leap to realize These were not figments of my imagination, but persons in their own right, with needs and motives and memories different from mine (they remember things I have amnesia about). There was a huge amount of fear, and still is sometimes, in learning about them and getting to know them because it means facing a lot of things about my life that were unbearable. I am who I am because I don't remember the abuse--that's why I seem so normal to most people. They are who they are because for some of them the abuse is ALL they remember.
I remember switching, especially in my twenties, quite dramatically. From day to day I would dress and act differently. (I didn't have amnesia for most of this. Others would.) I was familiar with these mindsets, as I called them, and recognized them when I "met" them later in life. I already knew some of their names. I knew that I would "click into" these different "mindsets" and watch myself behave in ways extremely uncharacteristic of me and be unable to stop myself.

mine kind of blew up after i tried to do something they didn't think was safe back in 2015. i ended up doing it anyway and suffered some physical consequences of alters who felt very betrayed. it was a difficult way to learn about them but on the plus side i'm not missing nearly as much time as i was before 2015.

i might be an exception, but i knew back in childhood...at least, i can recall dissociating as far back as five (not sure if it was earlier) and also hearing voices in my head at random times (once during a trauma-most of the rest i don't have many memories of) and at times during just daily life. at 11 or so, i remember an alter coming out and playing with a doll and being mean to it and an older one telling them if they played with it that way, they wouldn't be allowed to because it wasn't okay. of course, i didn't know what that was though.

i had a lot of different things come up in childhood related to behaviors/symptoms and progress in my early to mid teen years. the dissociation when i became aware of it was very severe with really bad depression and other things that went with it. it was terrifying and confusing. i wasn't actually aware until in my mid teens a bit more what was going on and just thought i was making it up. it felt like a revolving door and was really hazy. i had a hard time functioning and focusing and would randomly get up and walk out of class in high school and wander around or go sit somewhere and stare into space because i was so out of it. during those years, my head was also full of noise, not always voices/loud thoughts, and pressure.

it was more through my own research and putting pieces together for myself as well as having met several of the others that i was able to understand what it was. but i was not diagnosed until the last few years just because my therapist waited for me to be ready to tell her more even though she suspected it for years.

for me, the internal voices differ from each other. sometimes they can be verbal voices or loud thoughts. but they are different from each other yet consistent with their specific feelings, thoughts, wants/needs, etc. and have ages and genders connected to them usually. that is how i know who is who, for the most part. some of them have names too. when new ones come up, i try not to always think it is a new part and give it time to see if it is consistent each time they are around. if it is, then i know it is a new part. but i do struggle at times not knowing what is actually mine or theirs feeling or thought wise.

in my case though, it isn't 'technically' DID only because i don't have the same kind of time loss others do when they switch, but i have a hard time recalling things after each shift happens, which to me kind of is similar to time loss, though might be more just a time distortion, etc. but there are definitely distinct parts in my case who have taken over (even if it's a few seconds just to talk).

there are also a lot of different ways dissociation presents in my system. it is not really just one or two things that make it what it is.

I always thought I was strange/mad/weird, but some things I experienced were stranger than others. One of the effects of the abuse I survived was to blame myself & label myself as mad. But I used to dream in Sign Language many times throughout my life. I've never learnt sign language (except how to sign my name - which I got wrong when I tried it with a deaf person). I thought this was an eccentric thing I had. But then while dealing with an eating disorder, someone asked "Does it feel like it's not always you doing the eating?" And something inside me just cracked wide open. All the alters came spilling out - Forest Jacq who mostly communicates with sign language, was the first one. When talking to others, my hands would start moving of their own accord signing FJ's own version of Sign Language, and my voice would promptly disappear. It's been 18 months since I got a formal diagnosis, but it's something that's been with me all my life. I was petrified at first - convinced I was gonna get locked up in a mental hospital. But it's been a mixture of liberating and scary since then. This forum has provided the most help I've had on the subject.

Completely crap memory. Unexplainable aches and pains. Certain skills I swear I learned and then all the sudden couldn't do at certain times.

The first sign in therapy: when my T asked me about a past event: "that didn't happen to me, that happened to her."

heard internal voices as a kid, spaced out/ dissociated a lot, switched a lot

Kind of certain that a good number of folks here could probably write a book over when it began but with us, we actually seem to relate to some of the stories here.

We kind of knew there was something wrong with us growing up but we couldn't for the life of us figure out what though? We admit that at least ONE of us was too vain to think that mental illness was an actual thing that we had and just kind of assumed that a lot of people feigned it for attention but that was only until a year after high school that we started to piece a lot of things together that made sense growing up. That one summer felt as if every stitch of the outer reality came undone and even now we still have some hard trouble with the switching in public.

I was about 5 when an Other in a clear voice spoke...that was a clue....but it wasn't till I was 15 that I was able to put all the pieces together.

I was around 13 when I first noticed Jess talking to me... but apparently when I was a young child I had an "imaginary friend" named Jess...?

I was doing automatic writing....a subconcious connect thing....and began to notice that the words were popping in head during writing in other voices....clue!

My first signs of DID likely went unnoticed; I developed DID as a very young child and, as such, I grew up with DID. That being said, anything I experienced appeared normal for me. I didn't know anything different nor did I know that anything was wrong.

I was diagnosed with DID 3.5 years ago. I was in treatment for my eating disorder, among other things, and had struggled up to that point with dissociating. I called it "feeling out of it, being in and out, zoning out." The therapist tried to work with me on grounding techniques to stay present, but it rarely worked. They were frustrated as was I. But, no one thought it was DID. One day, during a group, I completely dissociated. I eventually stepped out, came to, and panicked as my notebook was still in the room. See, I had some idea that things were not quite right before that (which I'll discuss below) and was afraid that someone would find me out if they looked at my notebook. I went in as soon as the group was over to find it, but could not. And, in that moment, I knew. One of the other therapists sought me out, notebook in hand. Inside the notebook was handwriting that was not mine. It was written backwards and in a child's writing. She said she had often wondered if I had a dissociative disorder. I told her I wondered that as well. And, within 2 days, I was diagnosed with DID by a psychiatrist.

I guess I had always wondered if my experience was normal. I knew I lost time. I became so adept at being aware of my surroundings and using deduction to figure situations out that it became second nature. I compensated for my "forgetfulness" and lack of memories. I wanted to believe that I was just flighty, but I knew better. I remember knowing something was wrong because I couldn't do math. I couldn't remember large chunks of schooling. And, I always had these odd internal feelings. I felt small, I felt out of control, I felt scared. It was more than just a feeling. But, it was there and I tried to negate it. Later on, with the first person I felt safe with, I began to act out. No, not me. A small child. Perhaps it was then that I truly knew what I was dealing with. However, it was 6 more years before the diagnosis came. And, I had tried to reach out to professionals about it then. Unfortunately, they were neither receptive or equipped to handle such a diagnosis. It shut me down further and caused me to feel broken, crazy, and even more confused. In the end, though, I am glad my diagnosis didn't come from those first professionals. I wouldn't have been able to handle the diagnosis and it wouldn't have been the right time, place, or treatment. I'm fortunate that I now have a therapist and team who are supportive, non-judgmental, and willing to learn about DID, my experience with DID, and how best to help me.

There were always signs. But, they were signs that had become so commonplace that I wouldn't have known them to be anything but normal for me. I think, deep down, I always knew something was different for me. And, it was. But, it wasn't something that I truly knew to be true until after I was diagnosed. For me, having others recognize and acknowledge what my experience was was the most important thing because it validated what I think I already knew. It's hard to explain because the diagnosis was such a shock and made so much sense - all at the same time. I wish I knew what advice to offer you, but I don't have anything but my experience to share. I hope it was helpful...

One of my littles came forward with backward writing.

I guess having DID means i have had it almost all my life, since young childhood. I thought a lot of things like hearing voices and feeling floaty and having "fairy headaches" were normal. I didn't know other kids and people didn't have this.
The things that prefaced my being diagnosed with DID, which might be more what you meant, were hearing voices, having vivid flashbacks, having time gaps revealed, panic attacks, depersonalization, and behaving in ways which were very out of character for me. All of these symptoms could also be attributed to other disorders too, which is why this can be difficult to diagnose. (I still sometimes question my diagnosis, even though it has been confirmed by various things. I can feel conflicted about it.)

Anyone that knows that they were abused or traumatized during the first five years of life can suspect a dissociative disorder.

I did not know until I was 36. I knew something was wrong but I always blamed it on myself and my own failings.

I didn't know my dissociation for what it was but once I was diagnosed and looked back I could see it very clearly. I just accepted that losing things and finding things and losing track of myself all the time was how my mind worked. I would be here then there then somewhere else and it never really made sense but I just accepted that was how it was and got on with things as best I could. I never questioned it at the time. I still just accept it and carry on as best i can!