still here, and honestly, much the same issues.

no sleep- bad helusinations, bad flashbacks.. terrible anxiety..

the worst thing right now is the sunlight. I know we always say it, but it's really really bad for our mental health in general.

it needs to rain so we can get to feeling somewhat human

that would be nice..

[Claritytoo]

I have to find a way to put my thoughts back in order. Sometimes I am ok but times like today I wonder what I do it for. Everything feels unfamiliar. I just want to stop for a minute and feel. I spend my time chasing thoughts of where I should be. I am afraid to stop because I will realize I don't know anything about myself. What's real whats in my head. fears paranoia love anger confusion. Self, how can I not know that. I am exhausted.

Dreamed slept hard...couldn’t believe alarm clock was real, wanted not to wake up. I was dreaming instead of watching another dream for a change- it had the loud rushing wind effect. I was immersed, I could of slept more hours.

Here it is, the rest of our upper teeth (2) to be removed this afternoon. Pb&j forrver! Lol.

[TrailRunner14]

Well. Today is the day.

I've been talking about it for a long time, and today I am going to go and check out the ALANON group that I found.

I'm really nervous because I don't know what to expect or who is going to be there. What's going to happen?

I'm nervous because I am wondering if they are going to want me to talk and say why I am there. That, by itself, always brings out the babbler and things come pouring out. I get pushed into the passenger seat, unable to stop the babbler from telling everything.

I'm embarrassed and it's triggering just thinking about it.

I think I'll be ok if I don't have to say anything.

I'm really nervous.

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Well. Today is the day.

I've been talking about it for a long time, and today I am going to go and check out the ALANON group that I found.

I'm really nervous because I don't know what to expect or who is going to be there. What's going to happen?

I'm nervous because I am wondering if they are going to want me to talk and say why I am there. That, by itself, always brings out the babbler and things come pouring out. I get pushed into the passenger seat, unable to stop the babbler from telling everything.

I'm embarrassed and it's triggering just thinking about it.


I think I'll be ok if I don't have to say anything.

I'm really nervous.

Been to years of AA, Alanon, NA.....it’s boring as hell...but they say 90 meetings in 90 days want to or not....and then you are part of. You ain’t goeptta say nothing. Just listen. Look for similarities.

I’d spend the first few introducing then saying nothing. Get a feel for it. Get a sponsor, do the steps....yeah...Alanoners have their own addiction as Enablers....

We ourselves tend to spend the whole hour switching crazy because a) we hate groups, b) there’s real people there, c) everyone’s listening, d) we lost train of thought because we dissociate, e) everyone in us wants to say something, f) people are like “huh”?, ) f) we have anxiety and panic attacks, g) we sweat, h) the room spins, I) their are a lot of eyeballs looking at you, j) th3 body feels weird, k) dp and dr magnifies, ...so we say Hi...were blah blah, thanks I pass. Relief.

Good luck.

the positives of the week is that I ticked off something on my bucket list (going to a farm), tried a new drink that I liked (cherry tango), and caught up on my tv shows.

the negatives are that i've not been sleeping (not even lying down), the hot weather we've been having has been affecting my mood, and the littles are having more time out than the adults still.

We worked 13 hours overtime this week. Kewl. Now we tired as helll. Sleepy Sunday...NEXT!!!

been having nightmares past couple nights. Other night I was popping blackheads around my nose while looking in a mirror, and little clear worms were coming out the pores and a voice said they were nematodes.

Last night we were smoking a crack pipe for hours: the horror reliving a past time in our life...I was watching but couldn’t escape but kept smokin.

So tired fearing tonight.

Taking Saturday off for a break! Yay!

Tongue is swelled up with sores from trying to chew and crushing food. We’re not happy.

we are massively overeating, and feeling the affects, too!

shame on us. we actually had 2 evening meals last night, the second one not because we lost track of time, because we were stupid and foolish and ordered something in after we'd cooked and ate something

still no sleep either

wow is the only word I can think of.

minimal sleep for the entire month of april and we're acting like we're not even affected by it

makes us wonder how we do it

we also got a package today addressed to atlantis, trying to work out who ordered it

It’s 3pm and it’s a day off. Still in bed to avoid wandering around in limbo which effects feelings of being life inept.

It’s Sunday, now got something to do- get ready for Monday.

It’s Monday nite and waiting for the phone to ring in case of an emergency somewhere in over 20 properties, about 4000 apartments...and just me. 24/7 for 7 days....sober....

[dlantern]

Just reflecting on how an emotional affair has to put me in the middle can you do your own man without trying to find out what ignited in the first place. I'm tired of all the rhetoric of who was who's old flame time out for that it was mostly about who represented this for you while hiding afraid to come out there was some similarities....

Not sober...

[Fuzzybear]

I’m grrrrrrrrrr ...

I don’t know, Susie here, we are just trying to live a facade on our lonesome. Our Chi Cleo is such a good dog, the littles love her like a teddy bear. She soaks us up...a very lucky dog.

Love:

[beyes2018]

Spent some family time at my Sister in Laws , swimming and grilling. Not too stressful, Not many people, feeling rather relaxed.

Lately we are flat and down in mood...it looks like I forgot the prozac in our pill box for the last week. We haven’t been laughing, more grouchy then not....which is triggering the worst side (beechy) in most of us. Oops.

Today about 3 pm I started feeling giddy again....after 2 days & 2 doses of Pzac. The irritation has subsided and it feels like I can take a satisfying deep breath again.

[beyes2018]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Today about 3 pm I started feeling giddy again....after 2 days & 2 doses of Pzac. The irritation has subsided and it feels like I can take a satisfying deep breath again.

Does Prozac seem to help? I sm on 20MG of Prozac 3times a day. Xanax at night to help with sleep and Panic. I don't take the Xanax every day, only as needed.

Originally Posted by beyes2018

Does Prozac seem to help? I sm on 20MG of Prozac 3times a day. Xanax at night to help with sleep and Panic. I don't take the Xanax every day, only as needed.

The body is bipolar. We stabilize on the depressed side...so pdoc added a touch of Pzac to bring us to baseline. Too much we go hypomanic, not enough we crash and burn...

So ...yes it helps.

[Amyjay]

I am still depressed but am a little more functional now.