dissociative disorders check in thread #3

Claritytoo · Mar 29, 2018, 11:23 PM

it's kind of late and I am feeling very angry. Furious. but i am not sure why. it's all a pile of ****. i think it has gone to ****.

Mar 30, 2018, 07:44 AM

we are feeling gross and disgusting after our shower today.

and blah because well..... we just are

time of year, I guess

despite it being colder for this time of year, their's no escaping that we are in spring/ summer time and that's the worst time for our psymptoms

Amyjay · Mar 30, 2018, 04:32 PM

I am feeling very isolated this Easter. I don't want to go out or see anyone. I want the world to go away.

cool09 · Mar 30, 2018, 04:59 PM

I haven't felt detached since my depression lifted in February. My depression was the culprit.

Mar 30, 2018, 07:23 PM

We are on work call for the next 66 hours til Monday morning. Our world falls apart with more than one day off of nothing to do.

At least working keeps us forward.

Amyjay · Mar 30, 2018, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

We are on work call for the next 66 hours til Monday morning. Our world falls apart with more than one day off of nothing to do.

At least working keeps us forward.

I am feeling this now. My kids are away with their dad's family for Easter and I am falling apart. I need the structure of work and parenting to hold myself together. Without the glue I disintegrate even more.

Mar 31, 2018, 04:52 AM

terrible evening, terrible night.

that is all..

Mar 31, 2018, 06:59 AM

I’m so tired of working. Work work work, that’s all we do. I want to play and have fun. Be myself. Gotta go to work.

Claritytoo · Mar 31, 2018, 08:25 AM

So I am realizing I am depressed. At least someone is depressed. My son may be homeless in a few months and I am constantly thinking about this. I think I will tell my t that I am depressed. I don't want to fall back into obsessing about my son. It's not good for me. I can't change stuff. It will happen as it will happen. My son is the one who needs to work through these changes in his life. But here I am writing about not obsessing and yet. I will mention it to my t if we remember.

Amyjay · Mar 31, 2018, 07:55 PM

Lesson for today:

When something smells like a steaming pile of $#it that's usually exactly what it is.

Amyjay · Mar 31, 2018, 08:04 PM

I am full of escapism this Easter weekend, I am trying to flee myself without leaving my home. I am full of --------- something.
So Much Pain.

TrailRunner14 · Mar 31, 2018, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Lesson for today:

When something smells like a steaming pile of $#it that's usually exactly what it is.

(((Hug))) I agree.

Apr 01, 2018, 05:15 AM

today one of my friends (for april fools day) pretended she was sad and upset

it was really convincing too- she said that her favorite music group had split up and she wanted them back together

but I wasn't amused. going out my way to help her feel better about it, and I realise that actually she wasn't upset at all?

it was all a joke!, and I can't help being angry at her- especially now I find out that the group she claimed had split up are actually still together.

later I am doing an easter egg hunt. honestly I don't want to do it, but if I want to sit back and eat chocolate (and watch agatha christie on TV), I'm going to have to

mood is very low too

sun really makes it so much worse

Amyjay · Apr 01, 2018, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

today one of my friends (for april fools day) pretended she was sad and upset

it was really convincing too- she said that her favorite music group had split up and she wanted them back together

but I wasn't amused. going out my way to help her feel better about it, and I realise that actually she wasn't upset at all?

it was all a joke!, and I can't help being angry at her- especially now I find out that the group she claimed had split up are actually still together.

later I am doing an easter egg hunt. honestly I don't want to do it, but if I want to sit back and eat chocolate (and watch agatha christie on TV), I'm going to have to

mood is very low too

sun really makes it so much worse

Pooh! Sounds like you had to deal with someone's pile of poop too! Maybe Alicia will enjoy the easter egg hunt on your behalf?

Apr 01, 2018, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Pooh! Sounds like you had to deal with someone's pile of poop too! Maybe Alicia will enjoy the easter egg hunt on your behalf?

perhaps she will.
btw, that's probably the best thing I've heard all day- someone remembering the name of one of my insiders

((((hugs))))

Apr 01, 2018, 07:48 AM

Easter? It doesn’t feel like it.

We have a small job to do so in a little while, gotta wear our ugly maroon and navy blue work uniform (puke) all day waiting on a call.

But, Monday morning at 7:00 it’s over with....thank God.

I hope everybody has a more fun day.

Apr 01, 2018, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

So I am realizing I am depressed. At least someone is depressed. My son may be homeless in a few months and I am constantly thinking about this. I think I will tell my t that I am depressed. I don't want to fall back into obsessing about my son. It's not good for me. I can't change stuff. It will happen as it will happen. My son is the one who needs to work through these changes in his life. But here I am writing about not obsessing and yet. I will mention it to my t if we remember.

Awww, sorry about the stress...if I could help.

I let my son temporarily move back in, but he’s in much different situation then yours.

We kicked him out the door to experience life as a grown up and because he kept triggering our worst alters (Rage, Angry One). Think our system went crazy, but it was him who triggered it. I feel bad, since he has a parent that is mentally ill. But he tends to forget and hold me totally responsible for the things said and done that I don’t remember.

Claritytoo · Apr 01, 2018, 09:30 AM

I am having difficulty in my mind. It's like a junk draw. Everything is in there but it's all out of order. Its very hard to focus on any one thing. I get almost nothing done. That is how it feels. Right now i am sitting and trying to think of what i want going foward in my life. I used to have a direction. Now I have no idea. Sometimes I want to drive away and keep driving until I find my life. Some times I want to buy a home and stay put. I want to be productive but I can't deal with people. Most of what they talk about don't interest me. They make me feel confused and that causes feelings of anxiety and fear. I wish I could just be. I am most time in my head either in the past or the future. I am exhausted

Fuzzybear · Apr 01, 2018, 10:38 AM

I hope everyone has some fun today, or at least some tolerable moments

I remember Alicia’s name too btw

Apr 01, 2018, 11:25 AM

just back from the easter egg hunt.

a little depressed about it all... only got 3 small bags of golden egs out of it (no big egs at all)

shouldn't really be down about it, I know, it is, after all, a children's hunt

but still

if I'd wanted ****ing small egs in a bag (which, may I add, arn't really properly egg shaped, I'd have asked for them)

time to drown my sorrows in a roast dinner..

Amyjay · Apr 01, 2018, 05:03 PM

Sounds like the disappointment of a child, ShatteredSanity.

Did you buy yourself some big eggs this year? Can you go to the post easter sales to get some?
We went shopping for easter eggs yesterday. One of our littles was really disappointed because she wanted a Holly Hobbie egg, but they had things like Barbie, Thomas the Tank Engine and Paw Patrol (?). I think Hollie Hobbie was from the 70s and 80s.

Amyjay · Apr 01, 2018, 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I am having difficulty in my mind. It's like a junk draw. Everything is in there but it's all out of order. Its very hard to focus on any one thing. I get almost nothing done. That is how it feels. Right now i am sitting and trying to think of what i want going foward in my life. I used to have a direction. Now I have no idea. Sometimes I want to drive away and keep driving until I find my life. Some times I want to buy a home and stay put. I want to be productive but I can't deal with people. Most of what they talk about don't interest me. They make me feel confused and that causes feelings of anxiety and fear. I wish I could just be. I am most time in my head either in the past or the future. I am exhausted

Yup, sounds like the effects of long-term trauma.
My mind is like that much of the time and it makes doing a good enough job at anything next to impossible. I don't know why I haven't been fired already.

Apr 02, 2018, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Sounds like the disappointment of a child, ShatteredSanity.

Did you buy yourself some big eggs this year? Can you go to the post easter sales to get some?
We went shopping for easter eggs yesterday. One of our littles was really disappointed because she wanted a Holly Hobbie egg, but they had things like Barbie, Thomas the Tank Engine and Paw Patrol (?). I think Hollie Hobbie was from the 70s and 80s.

we are newly introduced to paw patrol and love it

"I'm ready for a ruff ruff rescue" is like our new saying at the moment

and chicoletta's cute