I’m always tired...wake-up at 3 a.m. usually with the mind dreaming, sometimes part of sometimes not...petting Cleo...dreams are weird and anxious...get up to clear the head, then try to sleep. Beep beep beep goes the alarm clock.

Upset, last night kid runs out of room freaking out startling/triggering us over nothing. Angry One comes and yells at boy in our apt. Neighbors look at me weird. Angry One too loud. Wish we were alone. Nobody understands, kid don’t care making Angry One madder. Thinks we have to move. Need to kick kid out.

So tired, so mentally tired. I wanna new drug, one that works. Or boost my prozac by double.

I am feeling extremely nautious.

I've been feeling like it since yesterday, but I can't get any relief from it.

not yet anyway

I have also had bad back pain yesterday which seems to have cleared up.

also had 1 seizure (also yesterday)

today I am also feeling quite depressed- bordering on suicidal thoughts, you want to know the only thing that's stopping me from actually reacting?

if I get up, I'm going to throw up everywhere (maybe)

well okay, maybe I'm not that suicidal- maybe I don't want to kill myself, but

Possible trigger:

a good cut wouldn't go a miss.

I need it

[Laurel1562]

Another day of obsession and questioning. I hate how this thing is taking over my life, yet...yet...
I've been undergoing EMDR therapy for childhood trauma for months now. A few weeks ago, I found myself unable to talk for myself and discovered I had an alter named Billy. This revelation has thrown me into a tizzy and I am looking at myself and my life differently now. So many things make sense now. My therapist has told me I have DD-NOS, which I now know is currently called OSDD, but in my reading, it looks like I may actually have DID. I am no longer sure I want to delve into my background trauma. Why rock the boat?

Cat's out of the bag and ain't going back in.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Laurel1562

Another day of obsession and questioning. I hate how this thing is taking over my life, yet...yet...
I've been undergoing EMDR therapy for childhood trauma for months now. A few weeks ago, I found myself unable to talk for myself and discovered I had an alter named Billy. This revelation has thrown me into a tizzy and I am looking at myself and my life differently now. So many things make sense now. My therapist has told me I have DD-NOS, which I now know is currently called OSDD, but in my reading, it looks like I may actually have DID. I am no longer sure I want to delve into my background trauma. Why rock the boat?

Cat's out of the bag and ain't going back in.

I understand!

[Amyjay]

I have therapy in the morning. I am very ambivalent about going. Last time we sat unable to talk, silenced by ?????? someone? Something?? It was awful. T was unable to help. At one point we were able to push forward enough to say "We are stuck, we can't talk, please help". T said "Hmmmm, you feel stuck." Then nothing. Silence. For the rest of the session.

We wanted her to help get us grounded, that is what she is supposed to do when her trauma clients get stuck in hypoarousal!!

I am worried that tomorrow that same issue will make us get stuck again, and she again will just sit with us in silence while we are stuck there.

yesterday I felt extremely nautious. it was horrible (it's one of the worst feelings ever)

it's gone today though

just feeling blah, not really feeling anything

Possible trigger:

alive, but wish I wasn't, I guess

not really any reason to be I can see

[Betty_Banana]

It's been a long time since I've posted on this site.I think it's been since early 2012.Things have really changed since then.I didn't think it would ever happen and it wasn't the plan but full integration occurred.It was a slow and gradual process. I'm glad I stayed in therapy and trusted my therapist.

It's good to be back here.

Everything is becoming a blur....it’s like everyone’s changing, becoming something other then what has been set and established...

Maybe it’s being tired for I haven’t been sleeping well plus the summer heat....

But it just doesn’t seem like the guys haven’t been themselves lately for some of the fems have been fronting on the job

Just wish that all this will just end.

Cue water works

I can tell that we are having another emotional type breakdown....we are crashing. Trying hard to not cry...but seeing double and the eyes are wet.

Going to shower, got to change out....so I can just disappear.

Tuesday our little doggie goes open mouth surgery. I hope she okay

Cleo’s out of hospital and vet says she’ll be doing better then before. Littles been worried, but it’s all good now.

[Amyjay]

So glad Cleo is okay. I hope you all feel more settled soon AlwaysChanging.

Feeling stressed and lethargic. Still weird feeling...many flashbacks to moments of childhood happiness...can feel the carefree and happiness of innocence. Sigh

Ugh. Due to the nature of our job...we are working a 14 day spread. It’s day 6, thank God time flies in our head, lol. Mentally, I think that we are back on track. Surprises: I hate surprises...just a normal flow of routine with no unexpected triggers.

[Eribrite88]

Sb has been quiet recently

just blah, blah, and blah, I guess.

very difficult week with very little to enjoy or look forward to

wishing for better times, but not sure at the moment what they'd consist of (really not well)

[childofchaos831]

I've been having a lot more time loss lately. Also was IP and one of the insiders flat out snapped at the pdoc we had in there. We hadn't disclosed the DID when we were in admissions this time, cuz ww were pretty out of it so this pdoc didn't know. He lost his temper at Webb saying "typical borderline" crap and that we were being manipulative. We disclosed the DID the next day when we were more lucid and he understood better. He also realized that some of our behavior while we were there could have been dissociative also.

Lesson to us, always tell the professionals about the DID.

[Laurel1562]

So many little voices crying out to be heard this morning and they wouldn't shut up. I yelled (inside) for Billy 1 to help me out, but he, being a typical teenager, was sleeping. Well, he finally woke up at 11 and made them all shut up! Phew! Billy!

yay billy!.

glad you have someone who could do that for you.

Everything is back to our normal. Only time can make pain fade away and be forgotten as if it never was.

What happened to my dancing purple person avatar?

[Mountaindewed]

I’m not sure is this is the correct place to put this.

But I dissociated most of the day today. I can’t really remember much. It doesn’t bother me the way it usually does.

[Laurel1562]

Feeling happy. Making Otis Spunkmeyer white chocolate macadamia nut cookies!