Getting back into a morning routine which means that I can feed and walk the dog, make a 2 eggs and cheese sandwich, pack our lunch, get us dressed and showered, coffee’d, pilled, starting at 6:45 and leaving at 7:30.

[childofchaos831]

Having a really spacey morning. PHP in about 30 minutes. Not anticipating this to go well. I've been disassociating a bit in group as it is, I don't want to fully switch... especially if its gonna be obvious, and there's no way to know beforehand.

To admit that I have a serious problem is to admit that I can’t handle it. I’ll handle it.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

To admit that I have a serious problem is to admit that I can’t handle it. I’ll handle it.

Your post reminds me of a post I made last week.

I send you a warm (((Hug)))

Friend

yesterday I " through the toys out the pram", because I couldn't have what I wanted- so in a fit of rage I took all my bracelets off (all 8 of them), and
through them across the room- not that I'm bothered, today I'm probably going to step on them and break the strings..

I've done some more work to my stories- I have my creative flow back (whoo!)

I wrote a chapter on my benidorm one, and a chapter to the stranger on the bridge- strangely enough, the stranger on the bridge is based on something happening
in a tv show at the moment (and I didn't even know it was happening!).

today I'm going to add to my dark fairytales collection, the story of the bird bear (but darker version)

still no sleep, though that's okay- unaffected by it anyway.

today for the first time in ages (at least a few weeks), it's actually pretty cool- and raining a little bit

finally got the cooler weather we've desperately needed... hoping it will last for a while!

Kicking our collective butt for staying up to midnight drinking again.

Everybody wants to be up and out- there isn’t enough hours in a day to accommodate everyone.

The body is exhausted, on call for another 3-1/2 days. Yaaaawn

feeling grossed out.... today was my shower day and honestly felt really gross for taking one

their is thunderstorms today outside the window and rain. the cooler weather is certainly lasting- and that's good

yesterday I had a new cd arive, so going to spend the day listening to that. I was going to yesterday, but felt **** (I still feel ****, but a little better)

i've not been bothered about the bracelets, they can't have meant that much to me..

yesterday I got a little freaked.

someone mentioned the body name- and of course, this person hasn't been around for many, many years

it was sorta freaky.. like who are they?

we're also back to the hot weather.

blah.. and I so wanted yesterday's rain to last a little bit longer

overeating on sweets.

that's what I've been doing for much of yesterday and all of today (blah)

plus I must have had a pretty severe switch last night, because my first thought was.. I wish I was here, and not here anymore, I wish this happened in my life, and this and this, it all did happen to me 8 months ago- and I didn't remember a thing.

still believed I was living with my abusers, when the fact is lots has happened since then

Omg, it’s Sunday morning. It was like just Monday a short time ago. The guys have been out all week on call and haven’t got to do me hardly at all....and it’s all over tomorrow! I’ve got so much work to do.

But we still have the next 24 hours, then it’s me time, I’m so excited!

We gotta go, a call came in.

Ciao.

yesterday I had a panic attack.

the bad part about it was that the usual ways of dealing with it didn't seem to work (it was a really really bad one)

on top of that, I was " gone", for quite a lot of the afternoon yesterday (flashbacks and things)

but for now things are okay

for now

[Amyjay]

Depression

sorting out some of our dvds tonight

putting them in the right order

stressfull

and feel a bit triggered because of a light we saw.

reminds us of the ward..

Broke our middle finger last night. We have it taped to another finger to work. It’s swollen.

I've been stable for most of the day

still really bad overeating though

yesterday had a chinese takeaway

probably shouldn't have but it was really nice

It’s Friday again already. Always so tired always working always drinking always switching always blanking always not me.

yesterday, someone used " that name again", (that name being the name of someone who is no longer around), and it frustrated us no end- especially since the name got used twice.

heard about the death of aretha franklin, and had no idea who she was (which was embarrassing, looking her up), such a famous singer- and we didn't know who she was at all

some flashbacks yesterday

no sleep

today apart from showering we've not really done much to help ourselves. worst of it is probably the fact that our overeating is even worse than yesterday

eating like 4 bags of candy at once. it's embarrassing

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

yesterday, someone used " that name again", (that name being the name of someone who is no longer around), and it frustrated us no end- especially since the name got used twice.

heard about the death of aretha franklin, and had no idea who she was (which was embarrassing, looking her up), such a famous singer- and we didn't know who she was at all

some flashbacks yesterday

no sleep

today apart from showering we've not really done much to help ourselves. worst of it is probably the fact that our overeating is even worse than yesterday

eating like 4 bags of candy at once. it's embarrassing

just a suggestion... since the name keeps triggering you how about legally changing your name. its really easy to do. just put aside what you can afford every month to cover the court fees. go to the ccounty clerks office and fill out the paperwork. then as long as the name change isnt because you are avoiding crime and other illegal activities on your part (no not assuming you have committed a crime. just a standard question the judge will ask) then the judge approves the name change, you will get a new birth certificate with your new name on it, social security will issue you a new SSI card. and your good to go for legally using your new name. and legally every one else in your life has to use your new legal name. this is how a friend of mine solved the problem of being triggered by her name.

Feeling very resigned and tired of thinking about the condition all the time even though that’s what we do. So much going on now, struggling to keep it together. The stress of responsibilities are weighing heavy, the public personna at work is chipping and cracking with the weight and doubt, financial obligations are chains, the child is run amok...

Always on guard, filtering our switches to keep the ‘out of character’ ones in- always worried of what people perceive or think of us- trying to stitch together the switchy moments in a flowing public appearance, sticking to a character sheet that keeps changing.

I guess you can call this acting, but with extreme nervous intensity because this stage of life is much different then plays or films.

Just so tired on the inside.

I just tasted some food that tasted like light vomit

(light vomit?. is that a term?. it is now)

Wow, almost gone through my 2 week am/pm pill box...just noticed that my 200 mg lamictal am pill is missing. :/

I’m going through withdrawals. This explains the acute symptoms from no where the other night and my present mood. Resuming dosage today, hopefully it gets better.

yesterday I had a signed photo show up on my door step from ross barton (guy in emmerdale)

freaked us out a bit... none of us remembered writing to emmerdale, and come to think of it, none of us really remembered who he was- well we did, but we wern't really their.

we're like who the **** is ross barton?

no sleep.

feel depressed it is monday

feel like their's not much going on