[Heir2theThorn]

I am in a process of recovering some memories of possible childhood abuse. Sometimes it's only words, sometimes only an emotion. Today it was an image. There were body sensations too, but I'm just gonna focus on the image here.

In the image/memory something is happening to a young girl (who I think is/was me as a child). I am confused though, b/c the image/memory is from the perspective of an outside observer...

Right now as an adult I only dissociate in mild ways, never feeling completely "outside myself." So my question is mostly to those who are more aware of feeling completely outside their own bodies... do you have any memories where you are watching a scene and you can see the entire scene, including all of your own body, like even the top of your own head (which is technically impossible... no one can actually see their own head without looking in a mirror...).

Thanks for any responses.

[L.P.]

Absolutely. One memory in particular comes to mind where one of my headmates floated up above the event and watched it happen to what she believed at the time to be another child, who happened to be me.

-Tay

[RubyRae]

When I first started trauma therapy most of my memories were seen from a distance,from across the room,from above my body,beside my body,even behind my body.There was even one memory where I was beside my body,singing a song in my mind as my body was being abused.

As I worked through my traumas and accepted what happened to me the memories changed and I saw them as happening to me and not from an observer view.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Heir2theThorn

I am in a process of recovering some memories of possible childhood abuse. Sometimes it's only words, sometimes only an emotion. Today it was an image. There were body sensations too, but I'm just gonna focus on the image here.

In the image/memory something is happening to a young girl (who I think is/was me as a child). I am confused though, b/c the image/memory is from the perspective of an outside observer...

Right now as an adult I only dissociate in mild ways, never feeling completely "outside myself." So my question is mostly to those who are more aware of feeling completely outside their own bodies... do you have any memories where you are watching a scene and you can see the entire scene, including all of your own body, like even the top of your own head (which is technically impossible... no one can actually see their own head without looking in a mirror...).

Thanks for any responses.

no in me I did not see me being abused in my memories. nor did I see my alters being abused.

in me it was/ is a reliving of the abuse where in my dreams and memories its like its happening now, from a first person point of view. I see what I saw during the abuse... the abuser,mine shaft walls, the lanterns, .... but I do not see me, sometimes I will see parts of me as in during one abuse I raised my arm and hands towards my face and head so like a normal person would see their arm and hands raising I see my arm and hand raising. sometimes I am able to see my face in reflective things in the memory like the water puddles, the glass jar, the shiny pipes,

that said...

there is a friend of mine who was in a hurricane that was so traumatic for her that she had what is called out of body experience /an astral projection event where a person can physically cause their soul/ non material / spirit/ energy (its called by many things here where I am) to leave the physical body and stand or float / hover a bit away from their physical body. my friend was able to recount everything that was happening during her out of body experience.

I also have a relative who was clinically dead and then resuscitated was able to tell us everything that went on, what we were saying and doing in the waiting room while the doctors were working on her in the ER.

My point I know that out of body experiences do happen but it has never happened to me. when ever my own dissociation happened I always felt numb spaced out and disconnected but never to the point of the paranormal like Out of Body Experience so I will never be able to see myself in memories, I have and will always experience what happened to me like flashbacks (reliving the trauma and emotions as if they are happening today exactly how they happened then from the first person point of view not the 2nd person point of view(OBE)

[RubyRae]

I think it's pretty common to recall traumatic events in the way they were experienced at the time.If a person dissociated during the event it makes sense they would remember it in the dissociated way.There's many articles online explaining why and how that happens,it has something to do with the brain,I'm too lazy to search and post them right now.

And for some people,their dissociation is so extreme,they feel such overwhelming fear,that they have OBE's and it becomes their defense mechanism,a way to escape,even when there's no present danger.That's how my T explained it to me.I was still experiencing OBE's when under major stress when I started therapy.I had to learn how to manage my fear so that it would no longer happen.He didn't label it as paranormal,instead he called it extreme dissociation.

[Carmina]

I 'see' it in 3 levels/perspectives:

1) through my eyes as I experienced and remember it consciously (ie explicitly)

2) through my embodied perceptions, sensations and dispositions (ie implicitly)

3) and also as a disembodied floating other (3rd person dissociated - probably through an alter me).

For a long time I mainly had access to level 2 and consequently couldn't understand why I was acting certain ways (or rather my body and unconscious mind understood but my conscious brain didn't), now I have access to levels 1 and 3 I have more to work on.

[Amyjay]

I have at least two alters that have "memories" involving looking down on their body. The rest don't that Ii know of. With one particular alter her sense of floating above and looking down at someone "abusing someone else" is very strong. Both of my Ts have described it as part of the dissociative experience and not any kind of "paranormal activity".

[dlantern]

For DID it was more convincing with the other body of my body not necessarily mine with my/their clothing on. Connecting more and more each day

[Heir2theThorn]

Originally Posted by Carmina

I 'see' it in 3 levels/perspectives:

1) through my eyes as I experienced and remember it consciously (ie explicitly)

2) through my embodied perceptions, sensations and dispositions (ie implicitly)

3) and also as a disembodied floating other (3rd person dissociated - probably through an alter me).

For a long time I mainly had access to level 2 and consequently couldn't understand why I was acting certain ways (or rather my body and unconscious mind understood but my conscious brain didn't), now I have access to levels 1 and 3 I have more to work on.

Thanks for explaining it in this way. If you're willing to elaborate, can you explain more about what happened when you went from only having access to "Level 2" and started having access to the other levels?

Up until this image, I have only had access to what you describe as "Level 2" (I just spontaneously say or scream out words, or feel extreme fear or subtle body sensations). And I have no explicit/felt memory of an actual event, so I don't even know exactly what happened to me, but I wonder if this image is the beginning of some narrative or actual "remembering."

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by Carmina

I 'see' it in 3 levels/perspectives:

1) through my eyes as I experienced and remember it consciously (ie explicitly)

2) through my embodied perceptions, sensations and dispositions (ie implicitly)

3) and also as a disembodied floating other (3rd person dissociated - probably through an alter me).

For a long time I mainly had access to level 2 and consequently couldn't understand why I was acting certain ways (or rather my body and unconscious mind understood but my conscious brain didn't), now I have access to levels 1 and 3 I have more to work on.

This sounds about right for me in some ways. Mostly my experiences are like "1)" and I'm not real certain of "2)" except from one trauma that I endured at about 5 years of age and "3)" sounds like a lot of my memories as a child even the one where I first became self aware. That one is like both "1)" and "3)". I'm not certain of this but, I feel like the memories that are OBE-like are -for me- about the revulsion of what happened and of the physical contact thereof is so uncomfortable to remember that I prefer to remember it from the outside and as a result of those feelings that's what happens with me. Kind of like dreading a coming sensation, knowing how it's going to feel and recoiling from it.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by Heir2theThorn

Thanks for explaining it in this way. If you're willing to elaborate, can you explain more about what happened when you went from only having access to "Level 2" and started having access to the other levels?

Up until this image, I have only had access to what you describe as "Level 2" (I just spontaneously say or scream out words, or feel extreme fear or subtle body sensations). And I have no explicit/felt memory of an actual event, so I don't even know exactly what happened to me, but I wonder if this image is the beginning of some narrative or actual "remembering."

Sorry I missed this until now. Yes I started using poetry as a sort of breadcrumb trail through my memories (a metaphorical diary) building associations from sensations and embodied memories, and painting to physically 'dance out' the feelings and enable me to get a handle on them (often I also combine both). I've always had flashes of level 1 as well that served as chinks in my armoring. The hardest thing was believing myself, at times it seems I lived in a dream-like state in my childhood and everything from that time is vague and fuzzy, what is real, what is fantasy? So I tried to find evidence from other family members and just pure logic to ground those memories.

[TrailRunner14]

Yes, I have many memories where I am watching instead of being.

My childhood is very fuzzy and fragmented, except for those kind of memories.

I also don't have an ending for the memories that I am watching myself. I can see it up to a certain point, as an observer, and then it goes black with no ending..