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#1
Jun 11, 2018, 07:01 PM
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Buying a vehicle, House, boat, or some other $$$ stuff...how?
We need another vehicle and we are torn...let’s list all the arguments: A) let’s get a new car...we never had one B) no! We are nutz...we can’t make payments forever...we might crack and lose our job! C) we can pay just a bit and fix it up D) I‘m sick and tired of working on cars...anything we buy will be a pos E) I dont want a car F) Buying new would be too flashy for us G) We need something that we aren’t scared of scratching H) It’s a waste of money I) I like the fire red truck J) I’m not sure K) I’m scared L)  Anybody with this condition had any luck with long term financial commitments? We are horrible with relationships and the burden of having to be financially responsible scares us because life usually does an about face unexpectedly. Thoughts? |
 unaluna
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#2
Jun 11, 2018, 10:57 PM
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I don't own a house, I don't own a truck, I don't have savings, I live paycheck to paycheck.
My ex took any savings and collateral accumulated during our "relationship". He even took the children. I managed to get the two kids back, but we just live from paycheck to paycheck. What I have found is this - I have everything I need. I have a roof over my head, I have enough money to pay my living bills, I have enough money to clothe and feed my children and myself. We have everything we need. There is nothing that we need that we don't have. I have no debt. If I can't afford something in cash right now I don't buy it. Living very simply with "good enough" things is good enough for me. |
| Anonymous48690, unaluna
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#3
Jun 12, 2018, 03:49 AM
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Lease a vehicle then. I have bought 2 new vehicles in the last 15 years. My husband lost his job 2x during that time and I lost mine and had surgery and was on 60% disability. We managed. Things are never as bad as you think they are going to be. If you can afford to make payments right now then do it.
I got into a fender bender the first week I got my new car. Oh end the never ending dents from road debris and getting dinged in parking lots. It is going to happen. It happens to everyone.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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#4
Jun 12, 2018, 06:27 AM
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Quote:
According to personal history....things don’t go well long term. I’ve learned that once a deed is done, everyone goes quiet till the ‘I told you so’ moment, lol. |
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#5
Jun 12, 2018, 06:33 AM
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Quote:
We can make payments now, but later? You know...everything can be moving along a-ok....and then a part freaks and goes sideways taking us all along of course... Sometimes you just got to try once in your life (like we haven’t)- hence the hesitation. |
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#6
Jun 12, 2018, 11:01 AM
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Quote:
example when I was little my parents would give me an allowance. my alters had to deal with making decisions on what to buy and so on. turned out that the alter who would get rewarded with money or small gifts for doing what abusers wanted them to do. this rewards to keep silent was a bribe yes but it taught my alters about how to manage what to do with this paid for the abuse money... as I grew of course the rewards got bigger in order to insure my silence, and willingness to continue doing what they wanted.... my point is most people with DID have an alter who has had to manage the rewards and punishments that came with the traumatic abuses that caused the DID to begin with... these alters sense of agency is to follow the abusers code of do not tell or else...sometimes these alters are called gate keepers, protectors, bankers, treasurers, workers, cashiers, and other names too... maybe you can ask inside and find out which of your alters have managed the punishment reward system that your abusers had you doing when you were little. maybe these alters can help out so that there isnt so much fighting about the financial stuff. in other words go back to what ever system of dealing with money that works so well before. arguments are gonig to happen but maybe with your "gate keeper"( or what ever that alter is called in you) help things will go a bi more smoothly. |
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#7
Jun 12, 2018, 12:23 PM
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My birthday is 2 weeks before Christmas, the only time we received money from relatives...and we were forced to buy gifts for others. I also like how they grab a Christmas gift and give it to me for my birthday because they forgot...kinda felt shorted at Christmas. Thank God them days are over.
We are savers...only buy necessities because you don’t know what crazy thing lays ahead in the future- according to our past...it’s inevitable to self-destruct. We own little so not to be burdened by material things. We've always paid cash since our teenage credit and check fiasco....but as a system we are more financially mature today though. Like everything...we didn’t start learning about life till about 20. |
| amandalouise
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 amandalouise
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