Therapist deliberately triggers a part

He says it is an emotional flashback but we talk about it as the child part that I have seen living in a dark basement room, disheveled and covered in tar. When it takes me over I am in dire straights. Suicidal, self harm, depressed, desperate. I never realized it was a part. Anyway when I go into session he makes me go check in on it. See if perhaps it needs something like coloring books or food or asks me to clean it up, give the room a bed. When I link up with it in my head I feel the heaviness, the pressure behind the eyes, floaty all that. When I do what he says and and do these nurturing things it actually helps calm things down.

I don’t know what to make of all this. To me I just think it is the nurturing and connection I receive from T that actually makes me feel better.

Is this really PTSD or is it a dissociated part and part of DID?

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, MoxieDoxie I'm not an expert, but if your therapist says it is an emotonal flashback then I'd say it's probably PTSD. He's the expert after all. If you still have doubts I'd suggest to talk to him about this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he will be able to help you. He's there to help you. Tell him all the doubts you have about this. Hopefully he will be able to answer all of your questions. You're a wonderful person. Stay strong, MoxieDoxie. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this

I know its confusing moxie. lets see if this helps....

With the new standards put in place in 2013 treatment providers have to go by new definitions too.

here in the USA we have a therapy approach that recognizes that ....all.... human beings sometimes have time when they feel like a child. this is not the same as having DID alternate personalities. ..

example using something positive so as not to trigger... yesterday I was outside with my children playing in the snow. Suddenly I felt happy, carefree, no worries and reacting like I did as a child spontaneously grabbing handfuls of snow and throwing them up in the air. one of my children noticed and said "mommy your being a kid like us" I looked at him then did a quick check in with my body and mind and said back to my son "I sure am, its fun being a kid playing in the snow isnt it?"

What I did in that moment is called checking in with my inner child part, the child with in me that every human being has.

the difference in this kind of "parts" and my DID "parts" is...

1. with inner child work there is no loss of consciousness,
2. With inner child there was / is no memory loss, time loss,
3 With inner child my brain does not do the dissociative switch from being the aware state personality parts to the unconscious personality parts called Alternate personalities that are stored in the unconsciousness. (for more information on what Dissociative type Alternate personalities are see my thread called integration which explains this and more about my having DID, how my alters were created and more...

Integration )

With my DID dissociative type alters each alter had their own sense of agency of who and what they were, how much control they had, what their own purposes, jobs, reasons for being created were. they had continuity and consistency, in every aspect of my life, not just in the therapy room....

example my alter Rainy.

Rainy was created when I was abused in a mine shaft during a storm that included thunder and lightening. Her job and purpose was to handle things like getting me home, changed into dry clothing, warm by making hot beverage, wrap up in a blanket, and watch tv.

Any time no matter where I was, who I was with and what I was doing if a rain storm was happening I would have my dissociation symptoms of feeling numb spaced out and disconnected. In short I went through my brains physical dissociation process that I stated in my integration thread. this switched me from my aware non dissociation personality to Rainy my alternate personality. Rainy then did what her sense of agency (job, purpose, reason for being and so on)

Each time rainy was in control she had consistency and continuity where she could only do what was her sense of agency (what was stored in my unconscious as Rainy.) it didnt matter if I was in kindergarten or an adult, it didnt matter if I was at home or out at a movie or a musical show or out to dinner or at a party, at work.. an y time in my whole life time that there was a rain storm I would have my dissociation symptoms and Rainy would be in control to handle things.

When things were calmed down my brain automatically did its process to switching me back from the unconsciously stored personalities to the aware state personality.

Mind you I cant tell you if your parts are dissociative type with DID. Only you and your own treatment providers can say that...

but I can give you a tip on how to figure this part out....

since dissociative type alters begin in childhood all you need to do is look back on your life to see if this same part has been handling the same trigger, when the same things happen in your life...

example... my treatment provider used my medical records to document any times as a child that I may have been found wandering out in storms. My treatment providers used my school records for documentations that any time there was a rain storm I would be getting out of my seat, going to the window and then trying to go home. Did my high school records document that I skipped part of school days and when they documented that did those notations match up with the weather reports from those days (with internet public information is readily available and a very easy way that helped figure out many of my alters) As an adult are there times when out with friends and a storm happened and switched into Rainy and went home. ...

my point is if your part is a dissociative part instead of other kinds of parts you will be able to find out very quickly that there are millions of times in all aspects of your life when the same trigger caused the same pattern of the part taking control and handling that trigger for you.

example using your own post.... Tar. here in the USA tar is frequently used year around for fixing roads, roof tops and other uses too. plus its a very distinctive substance for the senses. look back on your life time to see if every time tar was being used in your towns from very early childhood to adult hood.

if this is a dissociative type alter you will notice the times you have dissociated, memory loss, time loss and so on, and when that alter was in control matches up with times when the town was fixing your roads, when people were fixing roof tops, paving their drive ways, or other times when tar was in use.

you can find out when your towns have done road work in your town hall records, old newspapers and any where else they notified the town that road work was going to be happening. like I said public records and the internet its very easy to discover anything now days.

Hi MoxieDoxie,

My heart goes out to you.

My understanding of DID is very little unfortunately. I am not a professional but I do know that some therapists do try to beckon parts out for the sake of integration. If there is a part that is unidentified, doing so can be scary (from what I have been told).

Do you feel safe in the process your therapist is doing? Perhaps you can communicate your needs to your therapist and hope he is receptive to it. Maybe there is a gentler way to go about it all.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Yeah I feel totally safe it just I go in there feeling fine and not struggling and then I have to get in touch with this part which makes me feel all its anger, sadness, longing, and yearning. The hardest part is I feel its need to want to be held and cared for by T not by me. Fictisiouilsy I am the one who is suppose to imagine hugging it and that is going to make everything all better. Bull **** that entire line of philosophy.

I can understand what you are felling.

When I first started working with my counselor, there was a part trapped between a mattress and a wall. It took forever to figure out how to get to that part. I had never heard of “parts” and I had no idea how to get to it.

Journaling was a big part for me. I just replied to another post about how important journaling has been for me to reach out and connect to other parts of me.

I too would reach out to parts that were frozen in bad places and would be overwhelmed with the emotions of that part. It has taken time to learn to reach out and ask, at the same time, that it would not overwhelm me. It helps to go very slow and respect the space of that part. They are afraid of coming out from where they have been and I think sometimes that is a part of what is felt.

You may ask if that part would mind if you just sat with her for a bit. Maybe let her know that there is no pressure for anything and invite her to come closer to you but not overwhelm you. Hear what she would like to share with you when she is ready.

It takes time and patience and I didn’t understand that in the beginning. I think I actually felt pressure to make something happen at the prompting of my counselor. I had to respect her though.

I hope that makes sense. You can pm me or ask more if you would like.

There are different schools of thought about parts and what they mean. My T does EMDR which means that she veiws parts through the structural dissociation lens. In PTSD structural dissociation has a normal part that deals with daily life and an emotional part that carries the trauma. The more trauma and dissociation there are the more emotional parts there arem up to full DID.

It doesn't really matter "label" is applied, you can treat all dissociated parts whether full alters or simple split off emotional parts as in PTSD in the same way. The label isn't important, its finding ways to bring the parts together that matters.

It is really important that you find ways to help the hurting part/s within you. That's what needs to happen in order to fully heal. Having T there to comfort hurting parts can help in the short term, but at the end of the day healing can only be complete when you yourself are able to accept and comfort all parts of yourself.

But you don't have to be able to do that immeidately. It takes a lot of time to work on that. And don't feel bad for not being able to do it yet. Nobody can be expected to do something they don't have the skills to do yet! If it feels completely overwhelming and unachievable, remember that;'s because you haven't learned how yet. Baby steps.

I have session today. uggh. I want to go but I am frustrated with what he is doing. I start blocking and I can not feel or visualize anything when that happens.

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, MoxieDoxie Please try to go if you can. If this is bothering you so much, I'd suggest to talk to your therapist about this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he'll be able to help you. Perhaps there are other methods that you could try and you could feel more comfortable with. Share all the doubts you have about this method with him. He's there to help you and to make you feel better after all. Remember that sometimes things may be painful, but that's only because they can go up later. Don't give up hope! I'm so sorry. I know it's very hard for you. Please don't give up. I'm sure you'll be able to get through this. Take all the time you need, like the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. Just take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. No need to hurry. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this

Well what else are we suppose to do in therapy if I do not do that? I guess I have to take my lumps.