[stahrgeyzer]

Woke up in a panic yesterday because it's getting close to when my airbnb rental agreement expires, Dec. 22, & I'm running out of money. I've been looking forward to it expiring so it would force me to go to the forest & end, but the System does Not want that. A lot of them decided to co-front when I woke up. They put out a call to everyone & all the subsystems to think of the best way to quickly make money. To my amazement they came up with the greatest perfect idea within an hour. The brain is amazing! Each human has the ability to have hundreds of people/alters thinking hard at the same time!

[Breaking Dawn]

I am missing an entire day from dissociation.

our drinking bottle has a little broken bit at the top

so now all the water spills out of the bottle

and we don't like it because we call it our baby bottle even though it's not really a baby bottle.

[stahrgeyzer]

Woke up this morning with that feeling I always hate so much of not knowing who I am, what direction to go, what I'm feeling. It's like being a dozen different people each who are having intense emotions so unique that it fills the entire spectrum.

[Taylor27]

I just had my therapy session. Finally did the dissociation test. Feeling scared that im going to be to much or not help because I dissociate allot in my life and it effects everything i do. I feel overwhelmed

[stahrgeyzer]

I kinda felt bad that maybe a persecutor did something to make two airbnb tenants move out today. But they're telling me they don't know of anyone in our system who did it. It's quiet here now.

I wish I could go back to baths (but I can't fit in the tub)

showered today and everything hurts from my back to my toes

owies..

[Amyjay]

Hard day today. I'm feeling our isolation (I can ignore it most of the time) and hopelessness. The system has been very triggered lately and we were stuck on a switching merry-go-round this morning but then found a way out of it by sleeping the day away. Now... what? There is time (that I don't want) and I don't know how to fill it. I am frozen.
Living with a traumafied brain just sucks.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Hard day today. I'm feeling our isolation (I can ignore it most of the time) and hopelessness. The system has been very triggered lately and we were stuck on a switching merry-go-round this morning but then found a way out of it by sleeping the day away. Now... what? There is time (that I don't want) and I don't know how to fill it. I am frozen.
Living with a traumafied brain just sucks.

((((hugs)))

not knowing how to fill time is always hard

litirally all I have to do today is do my quiz

but guess what?

not even mid day and it's done

hope you find something

[Taylor27]

Hugs @Amyjay

[stahrgeyzer]

Feeling so-so, usual morning switching headaches but no real complaints. In DID therapy last night a lot of alters wanted to talk to therapist because they want help but it didn't happen. Maybe next time.

[stahrgeyzer]

Ups and downs. Some of the littles fronting today who hold so much trauma. Just crying. As the host I thought I had a lot of trauma but it's nothing compared to many in my system. It's not there fault. They're doing a good job!

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm doing the best I can.

[Amyjay]

I really don't want to see my T tomorrow. I am feeling very over it. I want to cancel and just live my life as a "normal" person!

[Breaking Dawn]

My voices are arguing loudly, yelling at each other. I feel so sad. My heart is crying.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I really don't want to see my T tomorrow. I am feeling very over it. I want to cancel and just live my life as a "normal" person!

I feel like that too sometimes.

then I think if I was normal, what would I actually do with myself

I don't have a life plan, and I'm so used to living like this. it might be a bit of a shock

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

My voices are arguing loudly, yelling at each other. I feel so sad. My heart is crying.

my grownups like to swear

natalie especially is very good at that

[stahrgeyzer]

There're some alters/parts who are devastating to my life but I'm thankful they don't take over the body that often. I know they're in a lot of pain and hard trying to defend the system. On the other had there're lot ones, mostly littles, who are crying for therapy.

I am annoyed because I can't have an amy doll for christmas since they stopped selling them a few years back

I'm going to check ebay just in case, but if not I guess I need to find a suitable alternative- that, or just not have a new doll

[Amyjay]

Christmas day was full of disgusting flashbacks.
Yay, trauma strikes again.

our christmas day was spent alone, so we're glad it's over. nothing jumped out at us and screamed christmas really, though the littles watched 2 televised pantomimes which they enjoyed. we got a grand total of 3 christmas cards, all of them from charities- so not even people we knew.

we're also feeling pretty sick.

our christmas dinner yesterday was. well. far from nice. we'll just leave it at that

[Breaking Dawn]

I keep learning.

[Claritytoo]

I just had a very difficult time logging on. WTF!
WTF!
I barely get through the day and now I have to fking remember s@#t. Not good not good. I need help but I can't find a t who knows anything about DID. It's fked up. very fked up. I need help. I NEED HELP! I need need need need need need need need......

[Claritytoo]

I don't have for ever. I don't know what to do to get peace of mind. Just someone to help us. Where the fk do I find someone to help us