don't think i ever posted here before ....

In a very small nutshell .... abused, mother was one of the abusers ..... shut her out of my life .... taken me years and years to start healing. Out of hospital for medical reasons, in pain, want to shut everyone out, be on my own. Need to talk to my mum ..... why after all this time am i missing her? Maybe the small girl in me needig her mum? My mum was never a proper mum, never protected me etc etc ....but i feel like i need her now and we havent spoken in months. She doesn't care about me or my family. I just want my mum.

sorry if this is in the wrong place ..... Jinny/Treasure

[pegasus]

(((((((((((( jinnyann ))))))))))))

Every child deserves the care and understanding and love from a parent but unfortunately for many of us did not get that. If you have alters that is what they are asking for right now, they want the care and understanding and love that they never had.

I can't tell you what you should do, whether contacting your Mum would really help right now? Learning to take care of you and your alters is hard, painful. Sending love to all of you.

ohhhhhhh sweetie.... yes.. I long for "a mom" I will put it that way...
I say "a mom" because my mom wasn't a "proper mom" either...

I am so sorry you are in pain and not feeling well...

That is when the longing gets the worse..you just want that "mom person" in your life.. that takes care of you and nutures you... and that is what your mom.. and my mom was suppose to do.. only they didn't...

And calling her..(from my own experience) will probably make you feel worse.. because she won't give you what you are needing...

(((((hugs)))).... (((hugs))).... ((((hugs))))

***************************************************************************

This probably is not the time... so forgive me... it is way to early to suggest... with you feeling so owie.. so just... ignore this and come back to it later.. ok???

This body work T... has been working with me on "self nuture" - because.. if I can "self nuture" - I don't have to depend.. or call on anyone else... so I can get my needs met...
so.. for me.. and I say me.. it is laying on my side.. with something to hold onto - a pillow... soft.. and fresh smelling... and empting my mind.... and.. just "letting it be"....the "back of my mind continues to process but my "infront" mind relaxes and releases the "owies".. and.. I found it works..... takes practice.. and motevation... to even try.. but worth the effort... for getting my needs met..

(((((more hugs))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((Freewill)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thankyou my friend. I am in bed and I have a little mouse my T gave me to cuddle .... I told her I had a mouse (cuddly toy)who I used to tell everything to. She ought me a mouse, so I hold him and call him Micky like i did then. Mickey hears everything. I keep sleeping but dreaming about her and she is laughing at me all the time. i wish it didn't hurt so much. love you Lu, Treasure . kisses. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

where is wmd? does anybody know?

[wanttoheal]

Hi jinnyann, welcome to the DD forum. I think it's wonderful that your T gave you a little stuffed mouse like you had as a child to bring you comfort. We have about 20 million stuffed animals here (slight exaggeration ) and it seems like some are used more than others. Funnily, the bears that T gave us are always put way up on a shelf and when I find them lying out, it's only during times when it's evident that nothing could happen to them or anyone see them. I guess for safety reasons, but I'm not sure. It seems so to me though as in the past our bears were destroyed as a punishment.

From what you've said about your mother in other forums, it doesn't seem as if she would be able to give you what you might need? Perhaps you can learn to give yourself that which you are lacking from her? I know it's hard. Just last night I had nightmares and panic attacks and when I was finally calmed down, I had such deep sorrow because I realized once again that I would not get comfort from a parent, nor had I ever. During those times, I think it's imperative that we try to give ourselves as much comfort as we possibly can to get through.

There are some posts here I think about inner child that might help but I'm not sure where they are. Perhaps you can do a search. It might help.

((((((((((((((((((wanttoheal)))))))))))))))))))

thankyou for hearing me. i know others go through it too and i hate for anyone to feel this way. in the past i've thought maybe she wil change but the truth is she's relieved i'm no longer in her life it was all just duty. i try to care for myself and i've been succeeding quite well until i went into hospital. i have a wonderful family and wonderful friends and this sounds awful but i just wanted my mum, or the mum i've always wanted, not her.
just lately if i've had a bad day i've been much better the next. today i feel even more down. after so much positivity i am trying to think of ways to bring myself up. i'm still in so much physical pain it's getting me down. i know i'm lucky having a good family and friends, some have none of that i know. what is it about a mum that we crave? thankyou for listening and giving me your advice. hugs, jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

[MyBestKids2]

(((JinnyAnn)))

I didn't want/need my Mom until after she died. Her last days on her death bed were beautiful memories, and I forgave her. Would have been nice to start over!

If my mum showed some selflessness for once in her life and gave a damn about what has happened i could forgive her. I have forgiven her for many things. But the fact she is only bothered about her new 73 year old boyfriend who has no family and a lot of money speaks volumes to me. She is in denial about the whole abuse issue thinking it was only 'him'. She has 2 major expensive cruises lined up so why should she spend any time thinking of her only daughter.

She has made it quite obvious she wants nothing to do with my problems, she has said she is too old (62) for any more hassle so that is that.

Yes today i sound bitter. i have been quite happy about her being out of my life for a few months now so i'm selfish needing her now when I want something. i came out of hospital and just craved to see her for some ieiotic stupid reason. spose i should just gow up really Jinnyann.

[wanttoheal]

I understand jinny. If only the parents of us could have been healthy enough to be parents. Even so, I'm glad you're here. I blame my craving for a mom on the Brady Bunch and Little House on the Prarie.