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  #26  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 09:15 AM
wanttoheal wanttoheal is offline
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Earthmama, I so understand what you are saying about not realizing. In the beginning, I did not even know I was dissociating at all. I didn't even have that as a vocabulary word. I guess I knew to a small degree that I would start here and end up there or "space out" days, but because I just thought it was normal, it didn't even come up into my head as something to think on, let alone worry about.

It's only been through T that I've learned what dissociation is and what's going on. I used to be upset a lot because I thought people were tricking me- telling me I did this or that or went here with them, etc. I thought, why is everyone tricking me. It really hurt my feelings and just solidified that I couldn't trust anyone.

I went to T for something completely unrelated to a dissociation disorder. And when I went, I thought okay, I'll go to a counselor for 6 months or so, get this taken care of and go on my merry way. Boy howdy, was I wrong!

The more awareness and understanding I'm getting, the more I'm realizing the lack of awareness and understanding I have.

Hang in there. Some days can be heck, but it can get better with therapy. Sometimes you just have to walk through the fire to get to the ladder.

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  #27  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 10:16 AM
wanttoheal wanttoheal is offline
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(((((((((Kiya))))))))) I sometimes think the grass is greener on the no co-conscious side, even though I'm there lol. But T keeps talking about things (that are true when I seriously think about them) that are negative and that if I were co-conscious, at least to some degree, would be better.

I do know if I am in a mode where I am in and out of my brain so much, I can't get anything done. Those times are very confusing and frustrating and I wish I would just leave for a while or stay for a while so it can get done.

It would be nice, wouldn't it, if we had the choice of when to check out and when to stay? I keep thinking, if the brain is so smart to do what it's doing for survival, can't it be at my command? lol.

Hang in there. Confused
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  #28  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 10:48 AM
Orange_Blossom
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
wanttoheal said:
I thought okay, I'll go to a counselor for 6 months or so, get this taken care of and go on my merry way. Boy howdy, was I wrong!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I said 3 months. Confused

(((( everyone here )))) Confused Confused
  #29  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 07:56 PM
Anonymous29412
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Okay. This is the sort of thing that drives me crazy.

I KNOW I am reading a book. I'm certain I've started a novel and it's in my room. I'm thinking I may be 1/2 way through it, but that's kind of a guess.

But I have NO IDEA what book it is. I can't picture it, don't know what it's about, nothing. Nothing at all. I've been sitting here trying to remember, testing myself, but I have no clue. When I'm done typing this, I'm going to go upstairs and look.

This is the sort of thing that happens to me all the time. Like, I don't know what the season is outside sometimes without looking or asking someone, I have literally no idea what I ate at my last meal, etc. I don't feel like I'm "losing time" - but then at moments like this, what is going on? And THAT is when I'm not sure if this is just normal - like maybe I'm a super forgetful person? - or there is something else going on. It's like I'm not here in my own head half the time. It's frustrating.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Do I just have a horrible memory? Or is this how everyone is?
  #30  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 08:26 PM
Orange_Blossom
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earthmomma,

It must be scary and frustrating as hell! I'm so sorry this happens to you. Does it happen out of the blue or after a stressful event?

Have you had a neurological workup done? Have you discussed this with your psychiatrist or primary care physician? I think it warrants a visit to the doctors just to rule other things out.

To forget what season it is outside does not sound dissociative to me, not even for dissociative amnesia.
  #31  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 08:47 PM
Anonymous29412
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No, I've never even considered that it might not be normal, actually, until really recently. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, so maybe it's just part of how my mind works. Maybe I'm really, really forgetful! Confused

I guess the "what season is it" feeling is sort of a "where am I?" kind of feeling - after I've been zoned out for a little while or something. It's probably something everyone does and I'm thinking about it too much! Argh.

I did go upstairs to see what the book is that I'm reading. It's Bee Season.

Maybe I just need more sleep.

Oh well. I might talk to T about it tomorrow. Or not. Blah.
  #32  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 09:03 PM
Orange_Blossom
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Can earthmama here Orange_Blossom yelling "YOU BETTER TALK TO T!" Confused
  #33  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 09:06 PM
Anonymous29412
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LOL orange blossom!

I guess I'm scared to talk to T. Because I'm sure it's normal stuff and I hate making a big deal out of nothing. I'm just starting to feel really safe with T and don't want to make myself feel not safe. I know, I'm making no sense probably. Confused
  #34  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 09:15 PM
Orange_Blossom
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Do what I do. Print it out and clutch it in your hands until it's time to go. Halfway out the door say "Oh, I meant to get to this" or better yet, just leave it on his desk. Just leave this post off, lololol.
  #35  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 09:35 PM
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Kiya Kiya is offline
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Location: Out of my mind...back in 5 min.
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Earthmama - i don't tend to "forget" what season it is... more to the point, In my mind it has been April for about 7 months. Last year it was March all year. I don't know why this is. Time stopped moving for me i guess. I spose i should be lucky it is still in chronological order. Confused

Talk to t. Humans fear the unknown. You do yourself a favor by knowing.
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  #36  
Old Jul 13, 2008, 10:19 PM
wanttoheal wanttoheal is offline
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lol, yea, I'm really pro at leaving things on T's chair as I walk out the door.Confused
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