Confused

Earthmama, I so understand what you are saying about not realizing. In the beginning, I did not even know I was dissociating at all. I didn't even have that as a vocabulary word. I guess I knew to a small degree that I would start here and end up there or "space out" days, but because I just thought it was normal, it didn't even come up into my head as something to think on, let alone worry about.

It's only been through T that I've learned what dissociation is and what's going on. I used to be upset a lot because I thought people were tricking me- telling me I did this or that or went here with them, etc. I thought, why is everyone tricking me. It really hurt my feelings and just solidified that I couldn't trust anyone.

I went to T for something completely unrelated to a dissociation disorder. And when I went, I thought okay, I'll go to a counselor for 6 months or so, get this taken care of and go on my merry way. Boy howdy, was I wrong!

The more awareness and understanding I'm getting, the more I'm realizing the lack of awareness and understanding I have.

Hang in there. Some days can be heck, but it can get better with therapy. Sometimes you just have to walk through the fire to get to the ladder.

(((((((((Kiya))))))))) I sometimes think the grass is greener on the no co-conscious side, even though I'm there lol. But T keeps talking about things (that are true when I seriously think about them) that are negative and that if I were co-conscious, at least to some degree, would be better.

I do know if I am in a mode where I am in and out of my brain so much, I can't get anything done. Those times are very confusing and frustrating and I wish I would just leave for a while or stay for a while so it can get done.

It would be nice, wouldn't it, if we had the choice of when to check out and when to stay? I keep thinking, if the brain is so smart to do what it's doing for survival, can't it be at my command? lol.

Hang in there.

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wanttoheal said:
I thought okay, I'll go to a counselor for 6 months or so, get this taken care of and go on my merry way. Boy howdy, was I wrong!

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I said 3 months.

(((( everyone here ))))

Okay. This is the sort of thing that drives me crazy.

I KNOW I am reading a book. I'm certain I've started a novel and it's in my room. I'm thinking I may be 1/2 way through it, but that's kind of a guess.

But I have NO IDEA what book it is. I can't picture it, don't know what it's about, nothing. Nothing at all. I've been sitting here trying to remember, testing myself, but I have no clue. When I'm done typing this, I'm going to go upstairs and look.

This is the sort of thing that happens to me all the time. Like, I don't know what the season is outside sometimes without looking or asking someone, I have literally no idea what I ate at my last meal, etc. I don't feel like I'm "losing time" - but then at moments like this, what is going on? And THAT is when I'm not sure if this is just normal - like maybe I'm a super forgetful person? - or there is something else going on. It's like I'm not here in my own head half the time. It's frustrating.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Do I just have a horrible memory? Or is this how everyone is?

earthmomma,

It must be scary and frustrating as hell! I'm so sorry this happens to you. Does it happen out of the blue or after a stressful event?

Have you had a neurological workup done? Have you discussed this with your psychiatrist or primary care physician? I think it warrants a visit to the doctors just to rule other things out.

To forget what season it is outside does not sound dissociative to me, not even for dissociative amnesia.

No, I've never even considered that it might not be normal, actually, until really recently. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, so maybe it's just part of how my mind works. Maybe I'm really, really forgetful!

I guess the "what season is it" feeling is sort of a "where am I?" kind of feeling - after I've been zoned out for a little while or something. It's probably something everyone does and I'm thinking about it too much! Argh.

I did go upstairs to see what the book is that I'm reading. It's Bee Season.

Maybe I just need more sleep.

Oh well. I might talk to T about it tomorrow. Or not. Blah.

Can earthmama here Orange_Blossom yelling "YOU BETTER TALK TO T!"

LOL orange blossom!

I guess I'm scared to talk to T. Because I'm sure it's normal stuff and I hate making a big deal out of nothing. I'm just starting to feel really safe with T and don't want to make myself feel not safe. I know, I'm making no sense probably.

Do what I do. Print it out and clutch it in your hands until it's time to go. Halfway out the door say "Oh, I meant to get to this" or better yet, just leave it on his desk. Just leave this post off, lololol.

Earthmama - i don't tend to "forget" what season it is... more to the point, In my mind it has been April for about 7 months. Last year it was March all year. I don't know why this is. Time stopped moving for me i guess. I spose i should be lucky it is still in chronological order.

Talk to t. Humans fear the unknown. You do yourself a favor by knowing.
(((((((((((((em))))))))))))

lol, yea, I'm really pro at leaving things on T's chair as I walk out the door.