(may trigger? not sure) dissociative barrier- two sides to me...

Well I need to open up, so here goes.

Right now there is a battle inside be and it's between basically two polar opposites.

There is a part of me reaching out spiritually and trying to get centered. This part of me is also the Mother in me, reaching out for the Child in me and hoping to give that part the love I need to survive the storm. This part is beautiful. And joyful. And soulful. This part is life.

There is another part of me that is dark and miserable. I can't share everything about it here, but things are very not good. I hurt. I am hopeless. I am the Forsaken Child, and there will be no changing that.

I have both waging a full-scale war inside right now, and I'm not sure who will win. Or if anyone will. Both are me, it's not two alters.

How can it be that I feel both of these things at once? I am so overwhelmed.

T has talked about similar things (although I haven't recently opened up about it this time). She says I have dissociative barriers that need to be bridged to connect these parts.

I don't know how to bridge these parts. They don't even feel like the same person. When I am in one mode, I can't even conceptualize the other. I can't understand it. It doesn't translate. I cannot move between the safety and the darkness. I cannot bring the two together. And I can't even understand what that would be like.

And it hurts, hurts, hurts.

Any ideas?

(((((((((((((((((( angela )))))))))))))))))))))))))

you must find the common ground for the two of them (you). it's there. each time you try, you'll find a stone for building the bridge, but you'll do it...possibly one stone at a time. what are core things about self that can be agreed on by both? (i.e. female) it may just be very basic things for right now but it's a start. if there are things that can be viewed well and the same, it might ease the intense feelings right now. it may take a while dear, but until it's done, i hope that things will ease up for you internally.

(((((((((( angela ))))))))))))

Just wanted you to know I read your post. I don't know how to help...but you're in my thoughts. I hope things get better soon.

You are never alone, you have this forum, and if you ever need call me collect, you have the number
Angie
{{{{Hugs}}}}} from all of us

((((((((((((((((Angela))))))))))))))))

I have a similar struggle and sympathize with your struggle. I wish I could offer some kind of advice or something.

Angela, I am familiar with the feelings of polar opposites within who seem to have different roles and needs. They both need to be heard and sat with first and formost. I would only try it with your T as it's big stuff. Believe it or not, the dark side is just trying to protect you too in it's dark little way. It's a journey, can you start by caring about the dark one?

WW, If I was able to really care, there wouldn't be any of these problems. The problem is that I am not able. Not for a lack of trying.

THIS sounds exactly like me, SC, so I don't have good wisdom to give you.... just hugsssssssss

This is similar to what most diss. feel, at least it's what I feel. I know they are there & I can sense some of their differing feelings. I guess try to separate them. Know who you are & concentrate on that. I hope that makes sense.
Thinking of you.
Love,
RhysMadison