[sadly_me]

i have at least two separate "personalities," if you will. one is a little self (about 5) the other is me - but a very negative me (all the negative things i think and feel are attributed to her). but i never lose track of time. i'm never one of them without being myself. it's like i'm me, but i take on character traits of someone else. i'm completely present. is this DID? i often use these other personas to be able to communicate things i can't as myself.

i don't know...

[multipixie9]

hi, you might want to look at the "sticky" notes up at the top of the dissociative part of the forum.

dissociation can come in different levels and amounts of it. a lot of it depends on what a child needs to survive and how they defend themselves. there is plenty of information online on mpd/did. feel free to look some of it up and educate yourself, but look out for some negative reports out there that say it doesn't exist.

feel free to write on here and let people support you as you work on your life. hang in there!

oh, i'm dissociative and i do it kinda different than you because my circumstances are different.

[sadly_me]

i did read the sticky posts on DID. i will follow up reading some of the links suggested.

what i don't understand is - is it DID if you know you are you all the time? when my little "comes out" or my other "alter" i am always present as well. i always know what i am doing. it's just that sometimes it is easier to think or express myself as someone different. my "alters" are more of a tool - i - use with intent, reason and purpose.

having said that, they do tend to have minds of their own. - i - don't seem to control what they think. or perhaps, i do. i just don't want to take ownership of those thoughts or feelings. so i attribute them to the alter. especially the negative thoughts. they don't come from me - i assign them to her.

when things get to hard to deal with, i make a conscious decision to be little. to let little out. when i do, she then thinks for herself. she knows what she likes and doesn't like. sometimes it can differ slightly from what i like or dislike.

i don't know. maybe it's just not important. it is whatever it is. they don't interfere with my life. so i guess it's not a problem.

i think if anything i'm trying to figure out how to explain it to others. i have a new friend i'm becoming close to. he knows about my little self. but how do i explain it?!

oh well...

[Miracle1986]

Originally Posted by sadly_me

when my little "comes out" or my other "alter" i am always present as well. i always know what i am doing. it's just that sometimes it is easier to think or express myself as someone different. my "alters" are more of a tool - i - use with intent, reason and purpose.

having said that, they do tend to have minds of their own. - i - don't seem to control what they think. or perhaps, i do. i just don't want to take ownership of those thoughts or feelings. so i attribute them to the alter. especially the negative thoughts. they don't come from me - i assign them to her.

when things get to hard to deal with, i make a conscious decision to be little. to let little out. when i do, she then thinks for herself. she knows what she likes and doesn't like. sometimes it can differ slightly from what i like or dislike.

i don't know. maybe it's just not important. it is whatever it is. they don't interfere with my life. so i guess it's not a problem.

I actually feel like that quite a lot... and I have never been diagnosed with DID or anything.
Of course that may be because I have never talked to a T about "feeling little"... I don't know.
But sometimes, my inner child (I don't call her an alter since I don't technically have DID)
comes out when I am scared, alone, sick, depressed, etc and she comes out every night.
When she comes out, I tend to get very small (curl up in a ball, etc), cuddle with stuffed
animals, want to held... and sometimes (mainly at night) I even suck my thumb.

I don't know if all that makes me have DID or not......

what i don't understand is - is it DID if you know you are you all the time? when my little "comes out" or my other "alter" i am always present as well. i always know what i am doing. it's just that sometimes it is easier to think or express myself as someone different. my "alters" are more of a tool - i - use with intent, reason and purpose.

There's a ton of info on Dissociative Disorders out there, but it is often confusing and hard to understand. I've found this article one of the easiest to understand. Hope it's helpful.

http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00574.html

Dissociative Identity Disorder

This condition, formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is characterized by "switching" to alternate identities when you're under stress. In dissociative identity disorder, you may feel the presence of one or more other people talking or living inside your head.

Each of these identities may have their own name, personal history and characteristics, including marked differences in manner, voice, gender and even such physical qualities as the need for corrective eyewear.

There often is considerable variation in each alternate personality's familiarity with the others.

People with dissociative identity disorder typically also have dissociative amnesia.
_______________________

Symptoms common to all types of dissociative disorders include:

Memory loss (amnesia) of certain time periods, events and people

Mental health problems, including depression and anxiety

A sense of being detached from yourself (depersonalization)

A perception of the people and things around you as distorted and unreal (derealization)

A blurred sense of identity

This might be helpful as well.

Diagnostic Criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 4th Edition, Text Revision
(DSM-IV-TR; American Psychiatric Association, 2000a) defines the
following diagnostic criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder (300.14):

A. The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality
states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving,
relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).

B. At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently
take control of the person’s behavior.

C. Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive
to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

D. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a
substance (e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during Alcohol Intoxication)
or a general medical condition (e.g., complex partial
seizures). Note: In children, the symptoms are not attributable to
imaginary playmates or other fantasy play.

It is outside the scope of these Guidelines to provide a comprehensive
discussion of current theories concerning the development of the alternate
identities in DID (see Loewenstein & Putnam, 2004; and Putnam,
1997 for a more complete discussion).

Briefly, however, many believe that alternate identities result from the inability of many traumatized children to develop a unified sense of self that is maintained across various behavioral states, particularly if the traumas occur before the age of five.

DID develops during the course of childhood and rarely, if ever, derives from adult-onset trauma (unless it is superimposed on pre-existing childhood trauma).

Traumatic experiences, particularly severe, repetitive trauma, produce extreme states of experiences in the child.

Simultaneously, development of discrete, personified “behavioral states” in the child are thought to encapsulate intolerable traumatic memories and affects to mitigate their effects on overall development.

http://www.isst-d.org/education/Adul...D-JTD-2005.pdf

[genn]

I know how you feel. Don't panic, go and get the information that the support group told you about. Is better is you go to a professional
WHO HAVE WORK WITH "DID" DISORDERS. They can make an evaluation and have closer supervision. This will help you a lot . I had to go through
all of this.

Edna PR

Originally Posted by sadly_me

i have at least two separate "personalities," if you will. one is a little self (about 5) the other is me - but a very negative me (all the negative things i think and feel are attributed to her). but i never lose track of time. i'm never one of them without being myself. it's like i'm me, but i take on character traits of someone else. i'm completely present. is this DID? i often use these other personas to be able to communicate things i can't as myself.

i don't know...

[sadly_me]

Originally Posted by Manda86

I actually feel like that quite a lot... and I have never been diagnosed with DID or anything.
Of course that may be because I have never talked to a T about "feeling little"... I don't know.
But sometimes, my inner child (I don't call her an alter since I don't technically have DID)
comes out when I am scared, alone, sick, depressed, etc and she comes out every night.
When she comes out, I tend to get very small (curl up in a ball, etc), cuddle with stuffed
animals, want to held... and sometimes (mainly at night) I even suck my thumb.

I don't know if all that makes me have DID or not......

thank you for your reply. i feel very much like you described!

i don't know what to call my little self. but, she isn't my "inner child."

she isn't me. she's different from me. i mean, when i think of my "inner child" i think of me as i was as a child. my little self isn't like that. she is able to love and be loved. she can be happy.

whereas, my "inner child" is dark and brooding. she's 7 and stands in the corner. she doesn't interact with me or my little self. my little self thinks she's odd.

yeah, like that didn't just muddy the water!

... i cuddle with my stuffed "aminals" and suck my thumb too!!! i used to suck my thumb until i was about 10. then last year, when i went through a really really difficult time, i started again. now i just don't want to quit. i have a bottle some nights too...maybe that's taking things a little far. but i don't care. it's makes my little happy. i'm not married or dating, so i don't have anyone to hold me or to cuddle with - so whatever i find comfort in...

(((hugs))) it's nice to know there are others out there who feel little but aren't sure it's DID.

thanks again, Manda86

[sadly_me]

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

This might be helpful as well.

Diagnostic Criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 4th Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR; American Psychiatric Association, 2000a) defines the following diagnostic criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder (300.14):

A. The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).

B. At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person’s behavior.

C. Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

D. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during Alcohol Intoxication) or a general medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures). Note: In children, the symptoms are not attributable to imaginary playmates or other fantasy play.

It is outside the scope of these Guidelines to provide a comprehensive discussion of current theories concerning the development of the alternate identities in DID (see Loewenstein & Putnam, 2004; and Putnam, 1997 for a more complete discussion).

Briefly, however, many believe that alternate identities result from the inability of many traumatized children to develop a unified sense of self that is maintained across various behavioral states, particularly if the traumas occur before the age of five.

DID develops during the course of childhood and rarely, if ever, derives from adult-onset trauma (unless it is superimposed on pre-existing childhood trauma).

Traumatic experiences, particularly severe, repetitive trauma, produce extreme states of experiences in the child.

Simultaneously, development of discrete, personified “behavioral states” in the child are thought to encapsulate intolerable traumatic memories and affects to mitigate their effects on overall development.

http://www.isst-d.org/education/Adul...D-JTD-2005.pdf

Thank you for your very informative posts. i will check out the links you've provided.

Assuming i experienced a childhood trauma, these "personalities" did not manifest until this past year. During this past year, i met two wonderful friends who tried to get me to open up about certain aspects of my life. i could not communicate verbally about emotional stuff - i can when writing - but being "little" helped me communicate verbally. but it's not just "acting" in a "little" way. my "little" self does seem to have her own opinions and perceptions - whether they are really different opinions and perceptions i have...i don't know.

one of the "personalities" or "alters" was purposefully created! when i become really negative, i become severally emotionally abuse toward myself. my friend suggested thinking of this as a separate part of myself. so we gave her a name.

this may sound like we were "playing" psychologist...but really it wasn't like that. now when i get really abusive verbally/emotionally with myself, i can tell that part of myself to shut up. i can understand that those thoughts are not real. i'm not really what those thoughts tell me i am. they are coming from a hateful source who is trying to hurt me.

to be honest, i don't care if we were playing psychologist...NO therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist ever came up with a better suggestion!! "don't think like that" was about as good as it got!

Regarding the official diagnostic...

A. The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).

i think this is true in my case

B. At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person’s behavior.

"take control" i'm not sure this is the case? sometimes i let them have the reigns because there is something i don't want to deal with. but i know what's going on. i know i'm letting them take over.

so they aren't really "taking" control - rather i "give" them control....

C. Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

this isn't the case for me. only one time did i ever write something to a friend and i really really could not recall writing it. it was a response to an email she had written. i thought she was reading part of what she wrote...but i asked, who wrote that and she said "you did." other than that, i have never have trouble recalling personal information.

D. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during Alcohol Intoxication) or a general medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures). Note: In children, the symptoms are not attributable to imaginary playmates or other fantasy play.

nope. i don't drink or do drugs. no medical conditions. don't have an imaginary friend! lol

thanks for listening to me ramble...anyone who knows of any books, websites, etc. pls feel free to post. i'll look them up!

sadly_me,

You might want to read about ego states as well as the continuum of dissociation. You might fall somewhere on the spectrum scale.


One point to remember here is that even though the motivation for one’s behavior may be unconscious, an ego state is not a dissociative experience. Therefore, when acting from a particular ego state one is still aware of the behavior itself.

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/mpd.htm

There are seven positions on the dissociation continuum:

Everyday Dissociation - driving a familiar route and arriving at our destination with no memory of the journey. It is also a natural important ability we all use in order to function safely or usefully when sudden trauma occurs (almost watching ourselves help someone injured instead of allowing distress to overtake us). We can also use it to achieve a feeling of calm, sometimes used in spiritual or cultural practices. It also includes out-of-body experiences. We can use it to imagine ourselves achieving something (seeing yourself as if watching from a distance).

Depersonalization Disorder - a feeling that your body is unreal, changing or dissolving. Strong feelings that you are detached from your body.

Dissociative Amnesia - not being able to remember important personal information or incidents and experiences that happened at a particular time, which can't be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

Dissociative Fugue - there is severe amnesia, with moderate to severe identity confusion and often identity alteration. For instance, a person travels to a new location during a temporary loss of identity. He or she may assume a different identity and a new life.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - this person may experience flashbacks, reliving the trauma repeatedly, which causes extreme distress. This, in turn, triggers a dissociative, numbing reaction.

Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) - different types of dissociation may occur, but the pattern of mix and severity does not fit any specific dissociative disorder.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) - sometimes called Multi-Personality Disorder (MPD). Someone with DID experiences shifts of identity as separate personalities. Each identity may assume control of behavior and thoughts at different times. Each has a distinctive pattern of thinking and relating to the world. Severe amnesia means that one identity may have no awareness of what happens when another identity is in control.



http://www.ppfoundation.org/pict_DID.asp

[sadly_me]

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

sadly_me,

You might want to read about ego states as well as the continuum of dissociation. You might fall somewhere on the spectrum scale.

One point to remember here is that even though the motivation for one’s behavior may be unconscious, an ego state is not a dissociative experience. Therefore, when acting from a particular ego state one is still aware of the behavior itself.

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/mpd.htm

There are seven positions on the dissociation continuum:

wow - i had no idea there was such a continuum. the info you've given has been extremely helpful!! a little scary...but helpful!

i say scary because there are things from my past that i haven't wanted to believe had an affect on me. though my two best friends (a married couple) are convinced they did. kind of makes me wonder if perhaps they are right. (they're always right ... i swear it's like i have two sets of parents sometimes! *pouts*)

please know, i do appreciate the time you've taken to compile and post this information!!! i am reading!!

[wanttoheal]

Hi sadly_me, welcome. Orange has some excellent information here.

Just remember that regardless as to what is going on, it's all you.

[multipixie9]

welcome, sadly me. orange blossom has given you some really important info to think about. just a thought i had to share is that what want to heal shared is true, it is all part of you, your own mind. also you need to remember that you did this to help yourself in a time of overwhelming stress. dissociating this way is a creative tool and defense when things happen that you can't handle as a small child. i am glad now that i dissociated, otherwise i would have had a breakdown. mpd/did is not always fun to deal with, but i am grateful now that i was able to cope in that way so i could survive. hang in there!

leslie and her pixies

[sadly_me]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

welcome, sadly me. orange blossom has given you some really important info to think about. just a thought i had to share is that what want to heal shared is true, it is all part of you, your own mind. also you need to remember that you did this to help yourself in a time of overwhelming stress. dissociating this way is a creative tool and defense when things happen that you can't handle as a small child. i am glad now that i dissociated, otherwise i would have had a breakdown. mpd/did is not always fun to deal with, but i am grateful now that i was able to cope in that way so i could survive. hang in there!

leslie and her pixies

thank you leslie & pixies

but that's also what worries me...if i am in fact, dissociating...why? i don't recall any type of horrific trauma. there were some stresses in my childhood, but nothing, i wouldn't think, that would cause my mind to do something so drastic.

which begs the question, if i do dissociate, why? do i want to know? if what i do is dissociate - i never ever do it not knowing what i - as a person - am doing at all times. it's not like i "disappear" for hours or days at a time. so why find out? why not live...

this is just too much to think about! why on earth would i ever want to know if something bad happened!!! if i had sense enough not to pay attention to it then...why on earth try an figure it out now!

my "personalities" do not affect my daily life. my depression is what runs me over like a freight train and i know that's chemical. i'm not on my meds now and i'm barely capable of getting through the day. i've got to get them. why does everything have to be so damn hard? breathing is hard! blinking is work! i can't even sit up straight...

i'm sick of this. i'm so sick of this.

[wanttoheal]

Maybe time to find a t? I'm sure they can figure out what's really going on for you.

[sadly_me]

Originally Posted by wanttoheal

Maybe time to find a t? I'm sure they can figure out what's really going on for you.

i dis hadda poopie in da shower on da newspaper cuz i da water gotted turned off an da well pump bwoke. so i no can flush da toilet. dat otay it posed to rain tomorrow. den i has water. i ebe take a baf out tide in da rain! but no body gona see me!

but i gotta melts som ice so kin wass my hands. i sprayed dem wiff lysol to kill da jerms but i can no suck my tumb!!! but so i melt ice... dat smart, huh.

i dudn't got no money for no terapist. i don't like terapist aneeway. dey neber do nufin but look at me. if one lookses at me gin i gonna hit him in da hed wiff hims rock dat keeps da paper from fly'n way.

i hungwee. dere still sum dinner in da fweezer. i go eat sumfin. i no eat for long time.

i knows you be'n nice i sorry i cwanky