People Just Don't Get It !!!!!!!

they just don't get it that i'm sick. i have problems. i have issues! they just don't get the fact that they can't depend on me the way they think they can. the way parts of me represent that they can.

it amazes me that all of these ppl in real life expect me to keep their worlds going when i have trouble deciding what to even wear for the day sometimes! hello! i've been in therapy for 7 yrs! i don't go because i like to look at the friggin pictures!

this is another way where DID causes me problems. parts of me represent me as this person who can literally save ppl. no one can do that. i certainly can't. they have me being too much to too many ppl here IRL. i can't keep up.

i'm tired. i'm just so tired. i don't want to look at anyone. i don't want to talk to anyone. i don't want to answer the phone. i don't want to answer the door. i don't want to go anywhere. i don't want to be around any person outside my immediate family...and sometimes not even them. they're being more demanding than i can take right now.

why can't for once someone look at me and say, "i love you. let me take care of you for a little while. let me show how much i care." i want someone to tuck me into bed and tell me that i can stay there as long as i want and that they'll be right outside the door if i need them. if i need them to, they'll come lay down beside me and let me cry without telling me to hush and get angry. i want to feel safe. i want so much. no, i NEED so much...and no one sees that because no one truly cares...no one ever has. i'm alone. i'm all alone and i'm tired. they've used me all up. i have no more to give.

i can't do this anymore. i can't not do this anymore. the story of my sad, ugly life. i'll trudge on. why am i whining? it seems this is what i was born to do. how and why could i expect it to be differently? my bad...

kim

((((((((((kimmydawn)))))))))))

First, take a deep breath. It sounds like you are experiencing some burnt-out mommy syndrome. And rightfully so. Anyone would struggle with what you have to deal with, let alone someone with a medical condition and DID. You can do this!

Can you talk to your hubby? Let him know you are feeling overwhelmed? Your daughters appear to be old enough to handle a lot on their own. Slowly start making them do so. They may get mad at first, but they will thank you later. Tell them you can't help them now...in the future you might be able to again.

Once you have your priorities in order...turn everything down you don't want to do. You can do this. We'll help you all we can. We love you.

kim,

You are right..........people do NOT get it. Right now I hear you crying out that you have hit your limit of what you can handle.

Can you talk to your husband and therapist both? Somehow I get the idea that your therapist might be able to better explain the NEED for assistance when you hit this wall of overwhelm.

I wish that all of us here that care about you could come tuck you in, tell you that you're safe there and that we'll be right outside, and be there for all those alone feeling moments. I so wish that for you honey.

Nobody is expecting you to be superwoman. However they can't tell when you need help either it sounds like. For now I wish I could help you tell them that you are not available to help them AT THIS TIME as you are the one in need of assistance.

For you kim and for little man.........please talk with both therapist and husband so that they can grasp the seriousness of this situation.

We need to help get you some rest. ((((kd)))) <---if okay

thank you (((((((((((((((( 1day )))))))))))))))

ppl, including hubby, don't hear me well when i talk. actions speak louder than words and they/he sees me just keep on a keeping on. i know it's not all their fault. it's how parts of me represent us.

also, hubby is leaving thursday for 11 days. i think that's one major reason i'm feeling this way...always have a hard time.

thank you again,

kd

((((((((((((((((((( zh )))))))))))))))))))))))

thank you, but talking to hubby won't help much as i just explained to 1day in post above and it's not all his fault. i do realize that. he's very good to me for the most part.

i think i'm really freaking (lots of me is) over the fact that hubby's leaving on thursday...won't even have his help.

as far as little man...oh my...he's the bright spot and enjoyment in my life right now. it's when he's gone to bed (like now) that i sit and feel all of these things. little man is not the issue at all. it's everyone else. his needs are so easy to accomodate...and such a blessing to be able to.

it's the mother, the brother, the niece, the friend, the daughters,the house, the bills... and hubby needing too much as he's getting ready to leave. i think i'm going to have to shut myself off for a few days from everyone and everything but little man, daughters, and hubby. i can't tho, until we get this closing finished on house and a few back bills paid. that's another place where stress is getting to me. we've gotten behind since i quit working to care for little man

so, pray the closing goes thru and i get the bills taken care of so i can shut everyone and everything out and regain some of the resourses i've lost these last few months.

thank you again,

kd

safe (((((((((((((((((((((((kimmydawn))))))))))))))))))))))) There, there darlin' girl. Just rest for just a minute or two. Take a few deep breaths. Forget about everyone and everything else just for right now and feel all of your friends here taking care of you and loving you just because you're you. Imagine yourself snuggled in a soft blanket in a safe place with no demands on you or your time, and feel your cares drift away for a few minutes as we send our good thoughts and best wishes and dreams to you. I have a favorite aunt who says that you can always put your troubles on hold for at least a few minutes because they'll still be there when you're done resting. So just rest a few minutes, then jump back in when you're ready. We're here for you. --janesgang

((((((((((((( janesgang )))))))))))))))

what a feel good response. ty so much for that. there's a lot of good advice and wisdom there. ty for comforting words.

ty all for love and care shown. i'm breathing now

love,

kd

Sending you hugs and care ((((((((((((((((kimmy))))))))))))))))

(((Kimmy)))) how tough a spot you feel you are in!

Please remember that you speak for your part... not all of you... that MAYbe there IS a part of you that CAN handle what you cannot. I think that trying to hang on to "staying" in control, and not allowing yourself to dissociate, is making things tougher for you. Have you tried to let go, relax some, stand back, zone out (choose your favorite term!) and perhaps the part of you that is able, will come forward and help you? (Assuming you wish to co-exist with the other part... if not, then let go completely.)

What you are dealing with is pretty "normal" for DID I think. And depending upon where you are in your therapy, will depend upon how you might best handle this stress. If you are overwhelmed, though, you might wish to step back a bit, and don't push yourself. This stage is always difficult, trying to blend back together and understand the abilities and limitations, wants, needs and preferences of each part of you.

Others, singletons, probably only see and remember how "you" did this in the past, or how effecient you are, not realizing that the part of you being frustrated and trying to say, "No" is not the part that might actually enjoy an activity.

Does this post help at all? One of the reasons for DID is that point when you "knew" you couldn't do THIS anymore. Since you feel that way again, rather than create a new adult that CAN do what you are facing... try accessing a part that wishes to ...or at least try....

(((Kimmy))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((( fuzzy )))))))))))))))))))))))

thank you...very much.

kd

(((((((((((((( sky ))))))))))))))) you understand so well, don't you? you're well learned.

you made a very good point and it is my major problem right now. when you mentioned letting go...that's a form of "selves" care for me. it's mandatory that i do that daily to maintain. i haven't been able to do it even weekly. it's taking it's internal toll. you hit the nail on the head as to what would help. the problem is that there has been so much going on, even on my days off from little man, that i haven't been able to "let go" or "go inside". insiders are acting act and we're not doing well as a whole because of this. i need to make that one of my top priorities...somehow, someway.

as to trying to allow the one who takes on so much to come and deal...i'm waiting actually. i realize this does happen with me and when i'm stuck here to deal, i feel very trapped and overwhelmed.

i so agree as to creating a new adult! i believe that's been done entirely too much here. however, i don't think that's been done in the last several years, so i'm hoping it won't anymore. i don't know how i know that. i just suspect it, you might say.

you've hit the nail on the head all through your post. i need to figure out a way to implement these things and incorporate them back into my every day life. i was actually doing so well for years through "selves" maintenance. i have to get back on track.

again, ty and ty for hugs (((((((sky )))))))))

be safe and good wishes your way,

kd

((((((kimmydawn)))))))

My brain is too fried to be of any actual help at the moment, but I wanted you to know I'm reading your posts and I hope things get better for you all, honey.

You are the best!

Angela

((((((((((((((((kimmy))))))))))))) I wish I could come help you out. Take care of yourself my friend. You can do it. Hang in there.

((((((((((((((((( angela ))))))))))))))))))))))) ty.

why brain fried? school, emtional stuffs, or both? i hope ya cool down soon...

love,

kd

(((((((((((((((((((( wantto )))))))))))))))))))))))))

thank you. we would be lots of help to each other IRL if we could.

have a good nite.

kd

People don't & won't get it unless they are like us. Which I wouldn't wish on anyone. I've had my family say Why can't you just... Yes, they know me, but they forget that I am sick. I guess for me I look at it like, Good, I'm glad they aren't like me 'cos then that means they weren't abused "this" badly. I guess I try to look at that good side of this pathetic life. Nothing else to do.
I gave up trying to remind them who I am. & funny thing is, I'M the one who forgets, "I" need the reminding. I can't change them. I can only accept them & remember the things they have done for me. Yeah I wish they would "just get it". But they won't. So I have to move on.
If that doesn't apply or work for you, forget 'bout them. They can't give you what you need. You come here instead which is where some of your needs can be met. All is not lost. WE are here. WE won't leave.
Love,
RhysMadison

(((((((((((RhysMadison))))))))))))

thank you. it sounds like we share alot. alot in life and alot in thinking. yes, i feel the same way.

i need to try to figure out how to take better care of "selves" so that i don't get such bleedover and then get so overwhelmed. i have the day off tomorrow, and may lay in the hot tub for most of it! hehe. just keep running hot water to keep it warm

thank you so much for understanding and sharing your relation. i'm sorry that you can relate, though.

be safe and good wishes to you,

kd

kd,

I know it isn't hubby's fault and hope I wasn't implying that in my post....I just thought he wasn't 'getting it' to a degree you needed right now. But that is neither here nor there now!

you're in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you do soak tomorrow and relax and revisit any journals or therapy work that helps with selves care.

lotsa

Tks Kimmy, btw if you know the name of that part of you, perhaps your spouse could help by "calling her out" when you are in such a state of being overwhelmed? Just a thought. Be well.

(((((((((((((((( zh ))))))))))))))))))))))))

i know you weren't implying it was hubby's fault...i sure do know that! i was more trying to relay how it's more our fault for the way we portray. poor guy don't know whether he's coming or going with us half of the time...lol

please don't think i took it that way cause i didn't. i was more trying to say how much it's not his fault much at all. does that make any sense? lol. i'm not awake yet!

ty for post, sweetie. i hope you're well?

kd

(((((((((((((((((((((kimmy))))))))))))))))))))
You are nice person, I enjoy talking to you in chat.
I am sorry you feel so low today, wish I could help.

Take care,
Leslie

(((((((((( leslie ))))))))))))) thank you.

i've always enjoyed chatting with you as well

be safe,

kd

I made you something. I hope things are looking better for you.

safe hugs,
Kimberly.

(((((((((((((((((((((((( kimberly ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i love it!!! and i love you for it!!!1 something has not done something so personal and nice for me and quite some time. actually, there have been several special things happen to me since i've come home here. you've topped my day! i can't thank you enuf!

bless you,

kd

Kimmy, I am sorry you are struggling and when you go to bed tonight try to picture me rubbung your back and hair and tucking you in with a little song and sitting by you bed with open hearted love until you are safely asllep. Then I will be within ear shot and if you have tears I will hold the sobbing self and dry the tears ahd hold you so the tears are safe. Love you my dear friend.