confusion after appointments

after seeing pdoc (medication guru) tonight there are these feelings I have but can't find the words to describe. i've been trying with paper and pen but too shaky to write. the words don't come. the feelins grow. the words don't come.

why a benign appointment is such a source of distress.......

fed dog. nighttime pills would be good idea if i can rememer that far ahead.

like lead curtain...haevy and cold

this is why i don't like to ber arond ppl. this. me.

argh Inca't make sense of what I"M trying to get out here. what I wrore is not right words

slipping insdide as outisede becomes hazy

not choice not this

etided

cold shake;y cold

fear to moev? slipppppery thoghts there then notttt
goop poored over barin and thinikking likkkke on offf on
sleepi? fear? no sense
not abled sa;y inside meanig rigiht
this mchu is hardd
stunnned? confuseid stillnot makeing sense

((((((((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((zh)))))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you're feeling this way .

thank you

thank you

zh Is all OK ? Hope you are safe.

place

keep tryihng
hands iiiiiiiice
triiied breathing not chnaging
what haappned toniiiiiiiiiiight/
frustraaaaaaaaaaaaing to ge sslipping
soooooomething
wiiiiiiihs i had vooice typiiiiing

safe
confffffffused
thankk ypu

(((((((((((((((((((( zh ))))))))))))))))))))))

is there someone you can call and talk with, or ask to come and be with you right now? i don't think you need to be alone. do you know of anything said that triggered?

be safe, hon.

doccctors toonighjt

safe alllllllone

hannnnds noot woookring
shaaaaaaakey
tttriiiiittggeredd

bbbbig ideeeeeea ssssstjuck
gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
hoooooostaged

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{zh}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thinking of you!
nightdream

<font color="blue"> </font> gill sans Hey, being a nurse; a recovering AODA; and dx'd back in the 80's I can agree with the feeling about having to take meds for this dx for me that is a "touchy" subject. I feel like "they" (dr's) are trying to control/sedate all of us from expressing ourselves. But, if really trust your med guru you gotta believe that s/he's just trying to help you "maintain" your level of "sanity" If you feel alittle "paranoid" or are really curious about the drugs...look them up! Educate yourself, try out this website www.webmd.com The have a "Drug Line" where you can look up every drug & includes all adverse effects,etc. OR go to a wide-selection book store. Buy a book on drugs. Look in the medical and/or nursing section. uy a "official" drug index guide book (Springhouse is best) I know that's just "sterile" material......I can just say from the way I feel today which is kinda from gill sans "another NEW medication" & feeling like that "iron curtain" you mentioned.
But....like I said either trust in your med guru or educate yourself
But..yeah, meds make you wonder sometimes. As an unemployed psych nurse, even I wonder sometimes why s/he puts us on any meds.
Hey

(((((zh))))

((((((((((zen))))))))))

I'm so sorry things are so difficult for you right now. I hope you're alright. Please let us know how you are when you feel up to it. Until then, take care and be safe.

Laurie

zh we're always here for ya, Amy wishes you get feeling better soon
Angie

Wish there was more I could do to help you as I'm sure the others here feel the same way. Hugs are 'bout all we can give besides a listening ear.
Love,
RhysMadison

The following was posted by another person here on this site a couple years back. So far this is probably the closest explanation of what was going on with me Thursday night. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hypervigilance
is the result of elevated levels of catecholamines (adrenalin and noradrenalin) and cortisol, the fight/flight hormones....When trauma has not been treated, relatively minor events can continue to trigger this arousal in what can seem to be an exaggerated reaction. Dizziness, shakiness and trembling may be felt. The individual is bio-chemically re-traumatised, which results in further emotional arousal, insomnia, irritability and anxiety. Repeated episodes of hypervigilance may lower cortisol levels in the long term.

Freezing or numbing
affects the individual by creating tension deep within the body. It affects respiration and fluid movement. In this state the level of neurotransmitters tends to be low. In the frozen state, the individual will have a tight chest with shallow respiration, a rigidity or stiffness to their posture and appear to be emotionally numb. Freezing affects homeostasis by restricting the flow of cerebrospinal fluid, lymph and other extracellular fluids, thus restricting an already depleted supply of neuropeptides throughout the bodymind network.

Dissociation
can cause a 'lights are on but nobody is home' sort of effect. Excess levels of adrenalin and endorphins, neurotransmitters that affect memory, can result in amnesia of sorts. The person will be forgetful, depressed, disconnected and lacking motivation. These people may not feel very good, but can't identify what is wrong and they may not be fully aware of pain. Their posture is often slumped and they are vague. This out-of-body state is also an out-of-consciousness state.... It dulls the pain, but also nullifies personal power and volition.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> The frozen hands which I couldn't move my fingers separately, the shaking, the leaden curtain feeling of being 'shut down' bit by bit.........desperately trying to remember what was going through my head before I'm checked out for good.

I'm not able to explain much as more and more does not make sense to me.

mAKES A TRUCK LOAD OF SENSE TO ME, UNFORTUNATELY. sO SORRY. Oops, caps button was stuck. Be well.

nice to meet you dayzee9. The meds I take are not truly for this dx as no meds really are. I've been on rx meds for the past decade for depression/ptsd in which time I've run through the SSRI class and the benzos. The current cocktail isn't ideal but it is enough to keep me from suicidal ideation and sleep is possible most nights....all good things.

I think in a post above I quoted another poster from a couple of years back. They had posted some great information about physical reactions to PTSD triggers. My meds had little or nothing to do with the experience I had (I think anyway).

I grew up with the PDR in the house well into my twenties when I would visit home and seek out info about anything my then psychopharmacologist was pushing. I'd also peruse ma's nursing rx books. So consider me up on anything going into my system. I never wanted to be this cocktailed yet I realize the advantage to being more stable in many aspects. Ya can't have it all I guess :: shrug ::

It is nice to have another old-timer with this dx on this forum. Willkommen

I am not able to follow the scroll and cannot currently print out so forgive my inability to thank you all by name. Returning to this thread is painful to see because I have been in that frozen state far too many times. I just never put it together with the actual physiological goings on of a triggered PTSD state. Or if I did know that it isn't accessible because a messed up feature for some PTSD is that you forget what you learn as it relates to oneself/ves but can pull those nuggets of learned wisdom and hard study out to assist another in pain. I think some of me gets more triggered than others in which I have one of these full blown shutdowns.

Do any of you see that in yourselves? The ability to help another with a situation that if it were you in that situation you couldn't figure your way out of a paper bag?...so to speak

anyway I ramble as this is hard to be here with my mind flitting about and not landing on anything long enough to really ingest or appreciate.

gah ww! I'm in tears reading this. It sometimes hurts so much to know that someone does understand this type of thing. No one should have to know what those bodily sensations and then lack of sensations are like.

also.......validation. it wasn't there long ago so when someone says they understand and especially something making a truckload of sense.........well.........puddle of tears.......someone believes me and gets this? puddle of tears

I'm tired of being a freakin onion with this many teary layers!!!

thank you for being so kind especially when you are at your wits end and in need of serious rest and much help. I wish that for you.

gotta go blow this nose.......Scusa and neem me niet kwalijk

zh I am so sorry you are having a hard time. I understand so much how you are feeling. I hope the days get better for you.
(((((zh))))))))) if okay

(((zh)))

I understand what you are saying about wishing others could not understand what you are going through....but at the same time feeling a sense of relief at knowing you are not the only one and that what you are going through is "validated" so to speak.

I do see in myself what you say about being able to help others when if it were me I would be lost. That is why it is so important for us to be here in this forum I think.

We can help each other. Then those "nuggets of learned wisdom" come in so handy.

I do know what you mean too when you say "some... gets more triggered than others....these full blown shut downs".

That statement (which I paraphrased) makes perfect sense to me.

When you were talking of the cold ect..I felt so bad for you because I knew exactly what you were feeling. I wish I could have found a way to help then and there.

If you ever need...please, please pm me maybe we can get those "nuggets of learned wisdom" going.

Take care.

place