[Monty_girl]

I have a session with my T thursday night to work with a angery suicidal alter. I was just released from the hospital a few weeks ago and everything had settled back down. Well I've had a million things going on these past 2 weeks to keep me busy. But the closer the appointment comes the worse things are coming up to the surface again. I don't want to be back in the hospital. But my T thinks that we have to deal with this alter now, so that things don't get out of uncontrol again. But I'm so scared of what's going to happen during the session. T said he was making plans to help her express her anger in a safe way. Just so scared. I know this is something we need to do, because we are stuck and can't move on in therapy until this alter is safer. Sometimes I want to say I'm never going back and I quit T. But I think my T would bug and fire out of me if I tried to quit. I just want to crawl under a rock and hide
Monty

[cat_eye]

You're really brave and mature to understand that this is something that you need to do. I always have the urge to quit therapy too, but I know I have to go.
Some parting hugs:

((((((((Monty)))))))

[Mahali]

Take care Monty girl. It is hard to do what will keep us safe sometimes. Good luck with everything.

place

[Monty_girl]

Thank You ((((((((((((((((( Cat Eye ))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm really trying to make this therapy thing work this time. I've been a therapy drop out so many times I've lost count. But I guess I'll make myself go this week. All I can do is try. Thanks for caring. Monty

[Monty_girl]

Thank You Place i'm just going to try and breath until thursday. Please keep fingers crossed for me. I Still have the urge to back out of this.
Monty

[Mahali]

Monty,

Keep up the courage. This will be the best even though it is frightening.

Fingers are crossed.

place

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((( monty )))))))))))))))))))))))))

girl, i've known y'all for a long time now...and in this time i've learned a thing or two about ya this will be hard, but you can do it. it must be necessary for t to be doing this. be VERY good to selves during this time and rest lots. keep self busy, but not too busy that you'll wear out...keep those hands busy

you have a good t and he will keep y'all safe at all costs.

love ya,

[dayzee9]

(((((MONTY!))))))

Yo Girl! Can I relate or what????

You helped me so much last week when I read your post here & said, "HEY!" Oh, I remember when I was first dx'd as MPD & more than one "in here" was suicidal!! I used to wind up in ICU once a week back then But, I had the greatest T & other MPD friends behind me constantly...and I think that what I see from the other posts....you've got LOTS of "peoples" behind you!
Monty, I just got done dealing w/ my suicidal ED "alter" that you know about. My T said "Let's do something NOW w/ "her" and I was as scared as all those years ago when it almost seemed like a "hobby" for some of the Others... But I went (shaking all the way) and my T was able to score a deal!

Hey listen... You've BEEN THERE (scary, huh?)It's always a extremely sensitive step to take,more like walking through a mine field. But you're "fresh" from the hospital;
and you're one tough broad! Just draw on the strength from "the others", make sure a friend goes w/ you to make sure you don't jump out at a red light/or out the back door. It's scary, it's much easier to crawl under a rock, yes....but get in there and have faith in yourselves and your T. He sounds pretty confident...but with you for a patient who's a TRUE FIGHTER!!!

Keep posting every day until that appointment You've got quite a cheering section for you here. It's great when you know there's people "out there" who understand what you're going through!!!!(((((GO MONTY!!!!))))))) BIG HUGS!!! (((((Dayzee9)))))

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((((( DayZee )))))))))))))))))))))))
for so much encouragement. My hubby takes me to all of my T sessions. I normally fall asleep on the way home cause it always wipes me out. I've already started the shaking thing this morning. I have to keep breathing. ((((((((((((((((((((( DayZee )))))))))))))) Ya did a good job at T's with week. BIG HUGS!!!!! Take Care, Monty

[Monty_girl]

(((((((((((((((((((( KD ))))))))))))))))))))))) Love YA
I'm keeping my hands busy Miss KD. I'm crocheting a blanky to be a safety blanky to take to T with me. I won't get it done my tomorrow, but maybe by the end of the month. Crocheting helps so much to pass the time. When I get to nervous I just start crocheting and it's become a great destraction for me. Just trying to remind that T has said he would never do anything to hurt me and that he cares about what happens to me. He says one of my biggest problems is asking for help and accepting it. So I'm sticking my toe out there on this one. See what happens. ((((((((((((((((((((KD )))))))))))))
Thank You everyone for caring. Monty

[kimmydawn]

who loves ya, baby you do so well! i'm so proud of you!

love ya,

kd

[RhysMadison]

Keep us updated on how the session goes. If you're working w/ another alter, that's a good sign that things are going good inside. Be proud of yourself for that.
Sending hugs to you.
Love,
RhysMadison

[dayzee9]

(((HEY MONTY!!!))))) One last note before your appt. tomorrow! I dug up a little "quote" for you to hash over before you go!

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather allowing it to master you."

Penny for your thoughts! Just remember, she is part of all of you, she deserves a chance to vent
All of "MY TEAM" is cheering for all of "YOUR TEAM!"

Please keep safe and I'll be sending you "good vibes" all day tomorrow!
(((((((DAYZEE))))))))et.al.

[dayzee9]

(((((MONTY)))))))

How did your appt. w/ t go??????? My curiosity & concern are killing me!!! I'm sending many warm fuzzies to you all day!!!!((((((((((((DayZee)))))))))))et. al.

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((( DayZee ))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((((((((( KD ))))))))))))))) Thank You all for caring
I did my best to distract T as much as possible, Spent the first 30 mins talking about my sprained ankle and my dentist appointment I had. And then went on about how I needed new tennis shoes. But T is smart and told me to chill out. But we did some work with her. I'm not really sure what, but they worked with the clay. T said that someone else came first and made the room safe and removed everything in the room that was gr**n. (sorry is a triggering color ) Not really sure about anything else. Know that I have the shakes really really bad. So I'm just going to go to sleep soon. We always do 90 sessions so I'm just really tired.

Monty

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((((( monty ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm so happy for you! good job! baby selves tonite, k?

love ya,

kd

[SweetCrusader]

((((((((((((((Monty))))))))))))))))

I am so glad it went well! I haven't been posting, but I've been reading and I've been anxious to hear how it went for you

~Angela

[Monty_girl]

KD, I'm suppose to have a plan???? I'll be home in the morning saturday alone to have some quiet time to myself. Could be a good thing or could be a bad thing?? I haven't slept hardly any last night. To much shaking and clinching of my teeth to get comfortable. I'm just trying to stay calm and not cry. I want to cry I have to go back next friday to go through this all again. I signed my no hard contract and my T told me that we would do some more work at our next appointment next friday. So right now I'm just doing minute to minute. Thank you all for caring.

[dayzee9]

Yo! (((((monty)))))))So glad you kinda survived the dreaded appt!!

However....sounds like you did what I did about the infamous "MPD w/ ED" who wanted to bump us off if we didn't lost ALOT of weight FAST!! I went to my appt w/ T and tried to eat up clock time talking about ANYTHING else!

Just remember "There are no shortcuts going to anywhere worthwhile" In this case, the "worthwhile" is making "the peace" because the ultimate goal in therapy of this Dx, is everyone working together in a somewhat cooperative manner. Yeah, easier said than done, huh?

Are you worried about "her" coming out on Saturday when you're alone?

Please allow yourself to cry... It's like TNT if held in, trust me! Get comfortable, close your eyes & breathe deeply & allow that need to cry rise up...and cut loose, baby! It's all part of the therapy process...& afterwards....don't beat on yourself for "being weak"! (I do that a lot & it turns into the "one step forward & three steps back" theory.

If you get "nervous" Saturday, put together a to-do, to-call list NOW --- It will prevent any "accidents".

Again..congrats! (((((DayZee))))))))

[Monty_girl]

(((((((((((((( Day Zee ))))))))))))))
I always feel so weak if I cry. I know I shouldn't. I feel like I should be stronger. I need to make a good plan for the morning. I don't have anyone to call. Kind of doing this alone. I don't have any friends I can call. Well no friends besides my hubby and the ppl I know from chat. I have a really good T and I have his home # if I need him. I'll just work on the blanet I'm making to keep my hands busy doing something and try to rest I guess.

[dayzee9]

(((((Monty)))))))Just remember......we're "Open 24/7!"

I don't have anyone I can talk to that understands this Tx..so I feel your pain there....And, I'm sorry you feel weak, so do I....but it's something that HAS to come out anyhow. If you stuff it, you're asking for MORE heartbreak & the TNT! You'll be alone though...let it out

O.k....no more lectures Just remember "baby steps" And try not to rile up the ED alter w/ "comfort food!" Did that last night & I'm paying for it today!

We're all behind you 100% (((((((hugs!))))) ((((((DayZee))))))))))

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((( monty baby )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

call me! i'm always here...lolol. might have to talk over a wild child nephew, but i'm here for ya.

i'm so proud of you.

[Monty_girl]

comfort food is my friend today I can't get enough of it

[SweetCrusader]

*safe hugs* if wanted

[kimmydawn]

monty, do what you have to do right now...as long as it's not immediately affecting to health and mind. comfort for is OK for this weekend, honey actually, that can be a good thing. your body's using up alot right now, and needs alot back in it

you're doing ok today?

love ya,

kd