[LynD]

My husband of 16 yrs walked out at he end of August of last yr. We had ongoing financial issues, but nothing made me think he would do that. He came home from work one day and as soon as he walked in the door he said, 'I'm leaving". I asked him why and he said he's not happy. He was gone that night. Shortly after, I found out he had been drinking and smoking pot again after almost 10 yrs clean. He had been doing so for a few months behind my back. I then fond out he was seeing a woman from his work, which didn't surprise me too much when I found out who since he was always talking about her. (Stupid me should have seen it) I had asked him previously what he wants, he kept saying I don't know. He has not offered any support, when he left I wasn't working, I did find a job but am just keeping my head above water. However I just got laid off. Haven't heard a thing since I asked him for a paper for fuel assistance which he refused to give me. So I went down and filed. I cannot continue to go on with him with not one indication he wants to work on our marriage.

As you can imagine this whole thing threw me for a loop. He was the one who always encouraged me to get help. I am feeling stuck in my progress that I was making with my T. It has brought up many of my ptsd symptoms, the not knowing, fear of the future, etc. So I guess what I am asking is how did others cope.

[cantstopcrying]

Oh goodness, I am sorry you are going through such a rough time! It sounds like you are doing a great job of self-care, though. Looking out for yourself, making sure that you are doing what is best for you. Things like this can bring up all sorts of memories and issues for us...continue doing what you need to for you, see your t, talk to friends, come here.

It is hard when so much gets piled on. I hope you keep working with your therapist. You might consider asking the court for support from your husband since he has a job and you do not.

Good luck.

[LynD]

I am doing that. I have o go to court tomorrow to file a fee waiver. I got denied at first cause, get this...I own a house...nevermind my income is below poverty. Once that is done he will get served prob tomorrow. I am thinking about asking someone to go with me since I'm having a rough time on the new meds.

I fell like I failed. I tried for so long to make things work, we didn't have the best marriage. But no matter what I did it wasn't right. He said I wasn't fun anymore, we never did anything, which is a lie. Just going through all sorts of emotions from one day to the next you know?

[LynD]

Got my waiver. A little nervous about his reaction since he was supposed to be served today. I haven't heard anything, so I suppose no news is good news.

[shezbut]

(((LynD)))

You are going through a very hard part of the journey. It does become easier, as time passes and you get some assistance from others. But, it isn't an overnight process.

You didn't mention whether or not you have any children together ~ the children do complicate matters in divorce. The court makes the children a completely separate issue, in order to help the children adjust more easily to the huge changes in their lives. They simply want all children to have healthy, positive relationships with both parents if at all possible.

Why your husband did what he did is unknown. Maybe he doesn't even know why. It doesn't really matter why now though, does it? The anger and pain are still there. It takes time to work through those emotions ~ and to stop questioning all kinds of things. It's been 1 1/2 years for me, and I still question things from time to time. (We do have 2 young children though, which requires frequent interractions and some communication.)

I hope that things become easier for you soon! Take care!

[LynD]

We have a 19 yr old son. Sadly they haven't spent alot of time together since he left.

[LynD]

Got a notice in the mail that he was served. Feeling very anxious and sad. I'm having a hard time accepting this. It sucks.

[sunrise]

LynD, all of this is so hard--I'm sorry you have to go through it. There is no way around. It's painful and it won't stop being painful soon, but gradually over a couple of years (2-3 yrs is typical for divorce, I have been told). My divorce was final in December and I am so glad to have it behind me. We went through the process fairly slowly so I have grieved a lot along the way. Takes a long time to grieve. It helps to let tears out. What really helped me a lot was having a really good therapist for support and guidance. He provided a safe place to go to cry.

There is some kind of court document you can file to get temporary support, until the divorce settlement is reached. Maybe you have already filed this. "order for temporary support" or something like that. If you file that, be sure it is realistic--do not underestimate your expenses/budget. Sometimes the temporary order of support is used as a basis for the final settlement, and if you ask for too little in the temporary order and then find out your expenses are actually way more, then it might be hard to increase the amount.

Good luck.

[LynD]

Everything has been filed, including my motion for support. Not sure if I will get it though. I am kind of worried about his reaction once he gets the notice to appear next week for the motion. I haven't spoken to him or seen him in weeks, I am hoping I don't turn into a blubbering mess. I may have to ask someone to go with me. I really hate confrontation of any sort, even thinking about it now I am shaky.

[Perna]

It's good you filed first, you get a bit better deal that way I think, the other person has to "follow". I'm so sorry you have to deal with this along with everything else. I hope you get a boost of some sort to help you regroup and move forward.

[LynD]

So my husband just texted me asking if I stayed in tonite cause the roads are very icy here. Stupid me texted back saying yes. Then I texted asking why do you care anyway? (I haven't heard from him in over 2 weeks). The thing is when I read it was from him I got really anxious and shaky and nervous. Why? He's my husband...I don't know...that was just weird.

[GhostlyOne]

I was in the hospital due to a suicide attempt and my wife told me she was leaving me. Since I have gotten out I have been struggling with a lot of different things that I couldn't have predicted (bills, child care were to be expected). What has rocked my world is this person who I was married to for 11 years and professed to Love me up until the day she told me she was leaving has become very cold to me. Very professional. She is polite but to the point. To me, I find this incredibly difficult to deal with and I cry almost every time I get off the phone with her. I never expected that. So, to LynD - I want to let you know I admire your strength to get the paperwork done; because even though she has told me there is no chance at reconciliation; she has yet to file. I refuse to file because I don't want to get divorced. LynD, once again, I appauld your strength.

[GhostlyOne]

@LynD - I know I get emotional when I have to deal with my soon to be ex. Just seeing her or hearing her on the phone puts me in a funk I have trouble staying stable afterwards. In fact, I am on my way out the door right now to go get my kids and I want to take her and hug her and ask her to please come home. But I know this is not possible; so I set up a wall to my emotions and then I am distant from my kids; which then upsets me and I feel guilty after they've gone. Not sure what to do about that - but I understand that any contact with your "ex" is difficult.

[Tumnus]

My divorce just got finalized and yet I still havet things at "his" place to move out. I, too, have difficulty dealing emotionally, so I've had to distance myself an unusual amount just to finish this process. I'm sure that I seem cold and unfeeling around him, but I'm just trying to keep from falling apart. I'm a wreck that has to keep pushing forward.

[freefree]

My prayers are with you. Hange in there. Time heals everything.

[Belle1979]

Originally Posted by LynD

So my husband just texted me asking if I stayed in tonite cause the roads are very icy here. Stupid me texted back saying yes. Then I texted asking why do you care anyway? (I haven't heard from him in over 2 weeks). The thing is when I read it was from him I got really anxious and shaky and nervous. Why? He's my husband...I don't know...that was just weird.

I know how you feel in a way.
I almost had an accident (3 months after my other half left) and the first thing that popped into my head when it happened was to text my ex - I was in a panic..
He wanted to come and pick me up.. kept ringing me to see if i was okay etc..
I told him that it would be wierd for him to pick me up - especially seeing that he left me for another woman - and that it wasn't his responsibility to look after me anymore... He replied with that he still cared alot and wanted me to be okay..

Now when I do get text messages or emails from him - my heart just about stops.. I get nervous and scared.. I can't explain the feelings but yeah it's weird.

I don't want him back and it makes me angry when he says he still cares... he has no right anymore to have any emotions about me... but he still does.

I hope that you are moving forward in your life - it does get easier but there are black and weird moments...