how to still be friends

I just don't get it me and my husband were married for 7yrs together for 10yrs. We were really good friends but we had nothing in common. The last year of our marriage we fought alot yelled at each other called each other names, cried and we broke alot of things. He punched holes in the walls broke doors I became afraid of him at some point and I decided that it wasn't worth it anymore. I was always trying to patch things up and neither one of us wanted to break it off one day we finally agreed both of us were angry we had a date but he left me waiting and when I called him to yell at him he said he didn't want to be with me anymore. It really hurt to hear but i agreed so he stayed with some friends for a week.
I told him he can stay until he found a place to move and he couldn't so I decided to try and move out. I found alot of places so I moved out. Chris never found anybody there was one girl he thought wanted him it broke my heart into many pieces when I found out about her he told me that she took his breath away. That he felt things for her that he has not felt for anybody, not even me. I was jealous not because of her but because I've never felt those feelings for him either. She rejected him and he started to come after me again. I had met a guy, after chris told me about the feelings he had for the other girl, I was with him off and on.
Which I still am with this guy just friends with benefits kind of thing. I'm not up for a relationship I hate being watched or controlled, I like to be free. I want to live my life be known for me not this guys wife or that guys girl. I still care for Chris as a friend I worry about him, and I still hang out with him. But I think this is causing me problems with the other guy especially when Chris tells me he misses me and still loves me. I don't but I want to be friends how can I keep this friendship without him thinking we are getting back together. If I hang out with him too much he starts acting like we are married so I ignore him this is getting to complicated I have bigger problems to deal with any advice?

Hello again Loki,

Things are so diffiuclt for you because you are still in little pieces and are looking around you at the many pieces on the ground; there are so many pieces on the ground and you are overwhelmed by how many there are.

I think (and this is just my thought not something like a directive), that you should be spending time on yourself with yourself. You deserve it and are worth it. Just because you didn't get certain things from your husband doesn't mean you are not worthy.

If you spend time rebuilding yourself and loving yourself healing yourself you may get to the point where you can make decisions without fear, without concern and with objective judgement.

Sending you support and friendship,

Rhiannon

Hi ~ I have to agree with the other poster. You can't leave one relationship and jump into another, and still have feelings for the first one. You don't even know who YOU are anymore. You need time by yourself - without ANYONE hanging around. You need time to pamper yourself, to spend time just getting to know YOU, and what your likes and dislikes are, what your beliefs are, etc. In the past, you've just been somebody's wife. You haven't been your own person. It's time you found out what YOU are all about.

Take that time now before you get into any more relationships - and stay away from Chris. It didn't work once, and it's not gonna work a second time.

I wish you the very best of luck. Take care of YOU and God bless. Hugs, Lee

hi loki i agree with the previous posts. it's now time for you to become reaquainted with yourself. it can be an enlightening journey. also imho avoid anything but just making friends with the opposite sex. it will only confuse you i believe and take the focus off you. i'd cool it with your ex right now. he's confused and needs to focus on himself too. hope you have an exciting journey!!!

Thanks guys I know I should just think about myself but thats one of my biggest problems. I get lonely my dr says I have a fear of abandonment I think she's right so I'm trying to stay away from anything serious. Chris told me he might move back with his parents I really wish he would then i could leave in my pld apt and not worry about anything but myself and my friends. I had to quit drinking alcohol because of a new medication I started taking. It's really hard because I started to use alcohol to mask my pain and loneliness now I'm stuck on confused I don't know what to do anymore

work on therapy, healing, personal growth and freedom, all these lead to happiness