[Unmotivatable]

I learned a few days ago, there is a meeting with lawyers in a few weeks. I haven't talked to him in 1 & 1/2 yrs. I have seen him only twice...he couldn't look me in the face!! I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this!!! Part of me wants to scream and yell at him, another part wants to punch his lights out, do a head kick and knock him out, tell him I want to talk, just sit and cry, but, what I really want to do is be calm, cool, collected and pretend I'm the happiest I've ever been- even though it's the most hurt I've ever been!! I don't think it's a good thing for him to know how much this is consuming me!! Because it isn't bothering him!
We are supposed to see if we can come to an agreement on a settlement, although, all I want is the excersize equipment and what belongs to me and my mother. He admitted that he has no means to buy me out!! His only concern, after he hit me (knowing it was over,when he did it), "this is all gonna crash" .... I would like to tell him....this is what you wanted...you'd better find a way to buy me out!!! I've compromised this entire relationship, why am I supposed to do it now?? This is me finally looking out for just me...but I know it won't look good on me!!

[Leed]

My gosh -- it's taken 1 1/2yrs to get to the settlement phase? Why? Do you have children?

I hope you DO look out for just YOU. It sounds like you're hurting badly. And it sounds like you've been badly HURT -- so make sure you get what is yours!

I'm sorry this is so painful for you. I wish you the very best. Will you keep us posted, please? I'll be looking for an update. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Unmotivatable]

Thanks! I will keep you posted! Children are grown! Turned their backs on me, due to his lies...to justify what he has done! He thought I would have made it easy on him just to get it over with!! He's gonna know that I'm NOONES door mat any longer!! I am very hurt. I don't want a divorce! No turning back at this point!! I have NOONE for support at all. I stumbled across this site because I was looking up councelors and shrinks!! I'm so close to being totally broken, it isn't even pretty....

[1morerep]

Hello Unmotivatable, I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through all this, i have been going through a divorce for the past 1&1/2 years aswell, and she just doesnt want to agree on anything. We have a 2yr old daughter together, and it is horrible not bein able to see her. I am in the army now, and in the middle of afghanistan, and she how now filed an adultry complaint against me. After a year and a half of us being seperated, I have moved on, but I am still not divorced due to her dragging her feet.

I am again deeply sorry for your situation, and I pray that you will be able to get this done and over with soon..

I know this may not have to much helpfull information, but i thought it might be nice to know that you are not alone. Dont Corner yourself with emotions by thinking it may be wrong to have them. It is ok to be hurt.

If you dont take anything from this comment, remember this;

"God will never give you more than you can handle"

You can come out of this a stronger person, with more knowladge of who you are and what you like.

God bless.

[Unmotivatable]

Originally Posted by 1morerep

Hello Unmotivatable, I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through all this, i have been going through a divorce for the past 1&1/2 years aswell, and she just doesnt want to agree on anything. We have a 2yr old daughter together, and it is horrible not bein able to see her. I am in the army now, and in the middle of afghanistan, and she how now filed an adultry complaint against me. After a year and a half of us being seperated, I have moved on, but I am still not divorced due to her dragging her feet.

I am again deeply sorry for your situation, and I pray that you will be able to get this done and over with soon..

I know this may not have to much helpfull information, but i thought it might be nice to know that you are not alone. Dont Corner yourself with emotions by thinking it may be wrong to have them. It is ok to be hurt.

If you dont take anything from this comment, remember this;

"God will never give you more than you can handle"

You can come out of this a stronger person, with more knowladge of who you are and what you like.

God bless.

Hello 1morerep, thank you for you're encouraging words!! I truly appreciate them! It has been really hard. A lot of ups and very low downs, but, by the grace and mercy from God, I have made it to this point. Not sure if I mentioned it or not, but, everyone I thought would be here for me have turned their back on me! I know it all happened for a reason! God has a grander plan for me, I lean totally on him to get me thru. I know what you said is true, that God will never put more on us than we can handle, he has carried me this far. I keep going to get to the end, when that is here, not sure what I will do.... Have no plans and don't want to make any! Just not sure of anything at that point.

I am sorry you are having to go thru what you are going thru!! That is worse than my situation! By far !! I feel very strongly about the way our soldiers are treated by the one left on the home front!! There are some really inconsiderate people in this world, and the wives and husbands that do their spouse the way you were done is pretty low in my book. It is very sad that children get dragged into these situations! You are not in a position that you should have to worry about things stateside!! I hope that yours gets settled very soon!! Thank you for serving our country!! I'm happy for you that you have moved on!! I sure wish I could. Was married for 20 yrs. don't know anything else! When do you come home?

My problems sound somewhat similar. He couldn't care less about me. He's been abusive, hit me and verbally. We tried to make it work but after 18 years its over and I want to start a new life of my own. Thankfully financially things are settled, there really was nothing to settle. But I still have to start on my own again. I hope the best for you and your meeting with him and the lawyers.

[AutismotionalMe]

Originally Posted by Unmotivatable

...Children are grown! Turned their backs on me, due to his lies...to justify what he has done!....

My ex tried this too - he lied about me to our kids - who are grown. I wouldn't participate in dragging them into a 'he said - she said' and dragging myself down to his level. In the beginning, it was hard - because I think he got their ear once or twice - but now years later - they know he's full of it and I hope they appreciate me letting them find out the truth for themselves. I've never bashed him to our kids - and he does nothing but bash me, every time he gets.

Hang in there! You're better off without him. Stay safe! I hope things go well for you!

[JillianRichie]

Lies and Life are so similar. Seriously the biggest trust killers are the lies and if that is seen in a relationship then no one can save it for sure.

[JillianRichie]

Lies are the the biggest relationship killer. Do atleast avoid, if not, eradicate it.

So true about lies. All it takes is one and then it gets harder and harder to trust.

In regards to your ex, who cares what he is saying about you to the kids. They WILL figure it out. The best power you have in all of those is to not say anything. It will drive any narcissist out of their mind! Then they are wondering what you are thinking and you my dear, have all the power in that regard. Communicate ONLY on a need to know basis. It will save your sanity.

Get selfish for once. You worry about you. You worry about how you can change yourself. No matter how hard you beat your head against the wall, he will not change unless he wants to. When you see him act his usual way, just think to yourself, "Yep, that's about right. Par for the course." Then you won't be upset because you are used to dealing with it and are not desperately looking for a different kind of behavior.

Divorce is not pretty, even under the BEST circumstances. I wish you the best.