[Unmotivatable]

Ok, I have an update... Had the meeting, went ok, I guess, considering. I remained calm and cool until I didn't need to anymore!! But I was still a good girl! I stared him down the entire time!! He would keep glancing at me to see if I was still looking at him! He wasn't a bit comfortable! Anyway, the judge still needed to decide on a few things that we couldn't agree to. I got what I wanted as far as material and monetary. For the most part!! He has to do a refi to get my name off of everything. It still remains to be seen that he will be able to do that. After all, we used both of our incomes, my inheritance, and our income was stated, not proven. I really don't see that happening so I'm far from being out from under the "bills"! None of my kids have made no effort to get in touch with me.....don't see it happening at all. MY son lives on the same property as I do, it was awarded to me by the judge... He has to move!! It is very complicated! All of this is MY fault!! He is the one having the affair with the one who was my maid of honor at our wedding! She's got some kind of "honor", huh? He's turn my kids against me....she has broken up at least 4 marriages that I know of....but I'm the scape goat....I am still very hurt and will cry at the drop of a hat, I've not gotten mad or angry, just too hurt to feel anything but pain. Very hard to stay positive, but doing my best. God gets all the praise and glory I can muster, because without him I'd never have gotten this far!! Anyway, I really wasn't expecting anything, really didn't and don't care about items, I wanted this mess over with, but have no clue what to do now, which way to turn or what to even think.... I have had soooo many to turn their backs on me and stab me when my back was turned, kick me while im at my lowest point...I have an end, that I didn't want, but don't want to start again!

[Leed]

Bless your heart. I know how you feel. When my ex and I divorced, he told ALL my friends a bunch of nasty lies about me -- how I was sleeping around, etc., and if they had been my REAL friends, they should have known that that's just NOT ME. HE was the one that cheated, and was abusive & controlling. HE was the one that drove all my friends away in the first place. But no, they chose to believe him -- our divorce was almost 20 years ago, and I haven't seen or heard from ANY of them since. And my ex is not dead too!

So I know the hurt. You feel pretty darn alone. The only difference between your case and mine is that I WANTED the divorce. I was delighted to be rid of that bum. And I DID start over again and met the love of my life -- unfortunately 12 days before our first wedding anniversary, he died of cancer. We didn't know he was sick when we married.

But you CAN begin again and I know you WILL. There IS love out there again for you. You will find someone ---- believe me. Just don't close your heart. Give yourself time to heal. And if it becomes too painful, please seek counseling.

I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[gloobylube]

I feel kinda guilty reading this, and feeling pity and woe for myself, as i am going through divorce, although I am getting nothing monetary, I am getting my 13 year old daughter, and child support, and hopefully a new friend , rather than the loss of a husband, at least I hope it works out that way.
I felt sad when i read your post, i don't believe my soon to be ex would ever try to turn my children against me, and there is a hope of friendship there, although my heart is completely broken, I know life will go on, and someday get better.
My main concern is financial stability.
Leed, very sorry to hear of the passing of your late husband, my heart goes out to you.
You seem strong though and sure of yourself, traits i wish I can accomplish someday.

[Bobbarita]

I identify with your anxiety and I am only at the beginning of what seems a divorce with no timeline. The past 4 days I have tried to concentrate on getting sleep, (even though I take medication to do so), and total relaxation. I have a court appearance tomorrow for Emergency Support and Legal fees. I haven't had a dime from him since September 2012, he does pay the mortgage, so my attorney is seeking present emergency and retroactive support. I have maxed out my cards and cashed in my own (small) assets to exist. My only income is an SSDI check every month. I pray that the Magistrate rules in my favor so I can begin to pay off my debts. He controls all marital funds, 401K, Pension, Annuities, etc., We own property. This was a 20 year marriage ending in physical abuse,(charges were dropped and he was out of jail in less than 24 hours!), emotional, verbal, and mental abuse for the last 15 years.

No one cares about the damage, (third parties, abuse, etc.), legally. Few states take adultery into account in deciding any division of assets. It all comes down to dividing money and property and moving on.

I think it's a good idea to speak with a therapist once a week at this time about your emotions and circumstances. Then maybe twice a month when you feel more comfortable. Hugs to you, good luck and blessings.

[avlady]

Where do these men come from? Some of them(includinfg my son's father) are just plain MEAN!!! They go out of their way and almost make it their lives to make women miserable, by making things up about them, taking their money and children. If they were any type of real man they would just let things be and just let their wives have what thy want if they are going to divorce if it was their (the man's)decision. And who are these women who go after other women's husbands? It makes me sick and i feel for all of you.

[gloobylube]

Again, i feel so guilty for complaining about my divorce situation, as in the end we will be friends, which we never really had the opportunity to even know each other on a friend to friend basis. i know deep in my heart my soon to be ex, would never turn my daughter against me, nor would i do the same about him.
I f you read story under the soon to be be divorced title bygloobylube is my handle), you will get the whole picture, its a strange and crazy divorce, but by no means a harsh and derailing one.
Although I am still very sad and devastated, and heartbroken still anyway, Even tho i consented willingly to divorce because i knew in my heart was correct decision.
But no one like to be the dumpee in the relationship, he unfortunately beat me to the punch, so that leaves my ego and self esteem at an all time low these days.
I have a 13 year old daughter who will be in my custody solely once May 20th arrives, we will be living in a decent mobile home that sits on an acre of land, so much elbow room, but we do not plan on being there more than six months, all of us ex, and son will live in ex's new house, and daughter and i in mobile home, til i hopefully get approved for ssi, as i fight physical ailments as well a mental ones as well, and with a good attorney, I fully expect them to approve me with at least three different doctors backing me up.
And I completely expect my ex to be supportive of my decisions and back them up with me and my daughter.

I am facing the reality that i likely have MS, as I have presented on and of for 25 years with minor symptoms, which has progressed quite rapidly in the last few years. There is not a symptom of it that i don't have, it may not show in my brain as i had MRI in 04, but that was /o contrast, and to be more conclusive, they will likely to a spinal tap on me to verify, I don't know really what an MS dx will really do for me, as i am already on every single medication a person with MS would be on, so not much more they can due for me except secure me a strong chance of obtaining disability, so i will be able to support myself, as i have not worked since 05, and the job prior to that, was an at home job( i actually worked 4 jobs at one time worked from home, also worked at church earning money teaching the children about God ans so forth, and from home was making OK money soliciting for the American Kidney Fund soliciting household items or clothing to be shipped to thrift stores and such, hopefully profits were going into research for kidney failure patients, an lastly i was working a local gym baby sitting children with occasionally working the front desk, The at home work was at your on pace job, I made customer service follow up calls to service customers, and half the time, i was laying in my bed with back propped up against pillows making my calls, while folding laundry etc. That was the ideal job, but had no insurance, its a necessity i have some type of health coverage to maintain any quality of life.
So I am strongly hoping i can get the SSI, especially with the doctors backing me up, as i see no other viable way to earn money, as i void at last 6 times an hour. i cant sit for more than 20 minutes without having to get up and walk around slowly for awhile, and my favorite ex keep saying work at Mc Donald's, I could def not stand in one position hours on end, i basically have to be in some type of constant motion to keep my muscles limber and not spastic and tight.
i have physical coming up Friday the 29th, therapist appt this Thursday, and psychiatric appt April 9th.
so will report back if anything i learned for coping skills later this week.
Also trying to get conclusive dx if MS or whatever my body is throwing at me, I see a neurologist on the 1st of may, divorce should be final by then, but he has agreed in divorce documents he would still provide me with insurance for a year.
My biggest fear is I am losing ability to drive my car, and that would put a severe
handicap on me at this time in my life. I also look forward in my future to possibly have to wear a bag ti urinate in probs continue to worsen.
Good Luck UM, you are in my thoughts and payers

[NaiveNoreen]

I just sent you an obsolete message on another board. I'm glad you are almost done with your divorce and rid of that bum and can move on with the healing process. I'll write more later. Noreen